This Woman is Insane

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This Woman is Insane

Unread postby Euronymous » Sat Dec 16, 2017 1:54 am

No, seriously. She is insane. In-sane.

My attorney with 40 years of practice and 8,000 cases recently told me, "we haven't quite seen one like her before". The amount of hostile communications she has sent to his practice is staggering.

The counselor that we take our boys to recently wrote, "frankly, she is exhibiting serious ongoing pathological behavior". She got in a big e-mail sparring match with the counselor last week.

I recently visited the family physician that we both share and told him about the behavior I'm witnessing from her. He spent about a half hour telling me about his concerns with her mental health and that he's referred her to a psychiatrist before for help, which she has refused. He told me that he thinks she is "crazy" (that is the precise word he used).

She is verbally harassing me both alone and in front of the kids at every waking moment. She has been court-ordered not to do so. My attorney has sent several very pointed written warnings to her and a final warning earlier this week to immediately discontinue the harassment, and after tonight's antics, I'm certain that a Motion for Contempt is coming next week.

I want her ordered to move out, leaving me and the kids to peace, but I doubt that will happen. But one way or another, I cannot continue to live in an environment where every moment when she is present is excruciating.

From a court order, all the assets are frozen, excepting a joint checking account that we use for "necessities of life". As of two weeks ago, my paychecks are going into a newly-created personal checking account, likewise hers. I am keeping a very close eye on the joint account, and no funny business so far.

She is also continuing to send harassing, threatening, and bizarrely-written e-mails to all of my family members trying to drive a wedge between my family and me. She of course doesn't copy me on these e-mails, but my family members send them to me, and I forward them to my attorney. She has also mounted a social media tirade against me, posting hostile messages about me on Facebook for all our mutual friends to see. My friends know the score, but still.

She has sent harassing e-mails to the HR manager and accounting director at my new company, badgering them to issue me a company credit card because she canceled mine. The attorney warned her that if I lose my job as a result of her antics, she will be paying maintenance.

My job performance with my new employer is suffering greatly. I was supposed to travel for a business trip a couple of weeks ago, and things were so intense that I had an emotional breakdown on the phone with my new manager and had to cancel the trip. Fortunately, he has been very empathetic of my situation, but there's only so much leeway that I can be given.

Our children are breaking down emotionally from all the chaos. One of our boys' schoolwork is suffering, and we've begun receiving e-mails from one of his teachers concerned about his behavior in class. Although court-ordered that she is not to berate me or discuss our case in front of the kids, she continues to do both each and every day. Tonight she was telling the boys "Dad needs to move out!" over and over until they broke down in tears.

She is very sick, and I can see it in her face. She is unrecognizable to me as the person I once knew, so very long ago. So we'll finally be divorced and I won't have to live in the same home as her any more? This rabid person will remain, just across town, as co-parent to our kids that she will continue to betray.

My life is a wide awake nightmare, and I can't see the finish line right now.
Last edited by Euronymous on Sun Dec 17, 2017 11:57 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: This Woman is Insane

Unread postby whatever_works » Sat Dec 16, 2017 2:04 am

First of all my sympathies. No one should have to endure all that. I know it feels overwhelming.

Now for my advice - you need to tune up your DGAF meter. When the crazy hits this high, your DGAF meter needs to go to 11. By all means protect yourself, note down all the details, and do what it takes. But don't give her room in your head. Don't hold on to every little crazy like it is important.

You will probably disagree with me but I don't think your lawyer is quite right in his assessment - this is all regular stuff that happens to a lot of people. He has most certainly seen this before. It is just a line. FWIW my lawyer also said that in his 22 years he has not seen anyone like my ex.
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Re: This Woman is Insane

Unread postby whatever_works » Sat Dec 16, 2017 2:05 am

Forgot to ask - how old are your kids?
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Re: This Woman is Insane

Unread postby Euronymous » Sat Dec 16, 2017 2:06 am

whatever_works wrote:Forgot to ask - how old are your kids?

13 year-old twin boys. They're the greatest things ever, but they'll never be the same again.
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Re: This Woman is Insane

Unread postby Euronymous » Sat Dec 16, 2017 2:10 am

Now for my advice - you need to tune up your DGAF meter. When the crazy hits this high, your DGAF meter needs to go to 11. By all means protect yourself, note down all the details, and do what it takes. But don't give her room in your head. Don't hold on to every little crazy like it is important.

Thanks, and I hear you. I've developed a very thick shell to her drama over the years, but she doesn't yell, she screams. I buy 50-packs of earplugs on Amazon, and I'm about ready for a reorder. But this has gone from garden-variety harassment to a place of pure psychological terror.
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Re: This Woman is Insane

Unread postby quantum » Sat Dec 16, 2017 2:48 am

Why are you even talking to such woman. I am sorry I didn't read fully. I have been using emails/third party apps to communicate. Trust me, communication has never been better.
Last edited by quantum on Sat Dec 16, 2017 10:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
Moving forward with distress behind!
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Re: This Woman is Insane

Unread postby whatever_works » Sat Dec 16, 2017 3:04 am

I understand how you feel. Unfortunately I've been there myself. But the only advice I have is dgaf. Try meditation. That helps me. But I don't live with her anymore. Easy for me to say. But one thing is for sure, the answer to this problem is you, not her.
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Re: This Woman is Insane

Unread postby Havalu7 » Sat Dec 16, 2017 3:06 am

Euro many of us have been right where you are. It is scary. However you need to be the Dad for your kids right now. DGAF tuned up high, low conflict responses like "You may be right", and for Gods sake get that digital audio recorder (DAR) rolling in your pocket COVERTLY.

Your situation has gotten worse and that DAR will help take at least one of the worries of the table.

I didnt go back very far on your threads but what did physical RO entail?

Has she gotten pyhsical with you our the kids? Throwing things? Blocking your egress from leaving a room, or anything similiar? Be very careful and find your (hate using this phrase but here goes "safe space") like an office with a bed or guest room with a locking door. I used my office in my year of terror?

You are now in a spot where we will try to help you again; but failing to pay attention to the group wisdom now like you did before could be detrimental.

Swallow your pride and hang on for the ride. Remember she is capable of anything so avoid her and do not even think of moving out. You can do this brother. Read "Scout's" first post. He was a fast learner.

You need to be too. Dont listen halfway bro. Get some rest and keep your eyes on the prize of peacefulness on the other side of this temporary hell.

EDIT: See some more good posts came in while writing this post. Good stuff and thoughts coming to ya.
Stay calm and control what you can and let go of the rest. Duck the hooks trying to get you engaged. Hide that goat a little better. Seriously if she went to bed get some sleep WITH the DAR running ok?

Yes chef I have the DAR running? Confirm that for us dude so we can rest yes or no on the recorder and not your phone rrrright?
"No." is a complete sentence.
Do not move out of your house.
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Re: This Woman is Insane

Unread postby Trevor » Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:45 am

Your lawyer is enjoying this spectacle, puffing up billable hours. Oh it's a real issue...at $75 per email. Wise up, son.

I believe there is no longer any credible argument of harassment by email or text when *everyone* has the ability to blat someone from their phone or email account - teach your parents/family how to set up a rule in their email systems to relegate the mother's emails to the junk bin, or to block her as spam. Simply letting a call go to email works wonders, along with the emotional intelligence necessary to delete the voicemail without listening to it.

Most email systems can "learn" what you don't want to see.

You and your family own your own boundaries. It's time you all start acting like it.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: This Woman is Insane

Unread postby scoutdad » Sat Dec 16, 2017 9:05 am

It's very important you have an area you can go to that gives you some space. I have to avoid common areas like the living room since she is always around it. If she is the kind that follows you yelling as you move around the house start looking doors. It's what I have to do now. And be careful if she tells you she wants you out as she will get desperate as her efforts fail. I keep 2 recorders going as I don't trust 1 not to fail.
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