Questions On Forum Mottos

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Questions On Forum Mottos

Unread postby Shadowman » Thu Mar 16, 2017 3:20 pm

New member, and I've been reading tons of posts, but I have questions.

1. Journal: Conflicting information on the journal. All info says it's for Super Dad documentation, but some people say it's also for documenting bad STBX interactions, and some say it's not. Which one is it? I see the value of documenting everything, but should it be two journals?

Also, writing things down physically isn't practical. She already found the hard copy I made of the conversations she had with dozens of guys on Jango, including one who lived in our town and claimed to be a gentleman. I can hide things on computer and send that document back and forth between work and home to make journaling easier.

2. Radio Silence: Radio silence is understood, but what if killing your social media would be a tipoff? In my case I could kill nearly all other social media sites, but if I suddenly didn't have Facebook, my wife would start snooping around for what I "did have". It would make her suspicious. Correction - it would make her more suspicious, because she's terminally insecure, paranoid, and she has histrionic personality disorder according to psych degree D25. So, should I instead go through my Facebook systematically over time and delete anything that is "suspicious", particularly things she may have complained about in the past?

Side note on that: It's a double standard where if I have a female friend whose status I comment on, that's "cheating", but if she has a model friend who has pictures of himself with just a washcloth over his junk and she has a PM with him, that's "so what?" Also, remaining on FB allows me to screenshot her shenanigans more easily, particularly her snide comments to me or about me.

3. Don't Leave The House: We've been married for 21 years. I've been the sole breadwinner and she a SAHM for the last 10 years. We have D25 with GS1, S14 (fraternal twin), S14 (fraternal twin with autism), niece 17 (STBX brother's daughter, we've been legal guardians for 8 years, has ADHD, etc.). We've also lived in the same house for the past 10 years, and kids want to stay in the same school system with just high school to go.
Question: You think I should just tough it out for 4 more years and then file without kids being an issue? Or, if I decide to file soon, is there any real point in putting the kids through a long process of 2 or more years when there's 4 left? In other words, does the "don't leave the home" rule, which I totally understand in most cases, really apply to me here since there's probably little chance I'd get full custody anyway?

4. Recorder: Should this be used all the time up to D-Day (meaning the day you file), or only after you file while you're still cohabitating? Is that discretionary, depending on your particular situation?

Thank you in advance for your comments.
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Re: Questions On Forum Mottos

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Mar 16, 2017 3:38 pm

1. One journal, focus on SuperDad, careful documenting wife's faults except in terms of impact to the kids. Soft copy is fine, but for feck's sake, tighten up your boundaries.

2. Killing social media is an easily defensible step: "I am sick and tired of political < feces > and I am insulating myself from idiots with opinions." FB is insidious and you don't need it. As an adult, you should not bother with the gossip mongering and viewing reality through a keyhole. Just stop it; after a week you'll fill that wasted time with learning about your state laws and building your case. Sound like a smart tradeoff to you? (Screenshots have little/no value. You've got much more important things to do.)

3. Tough it out if you can. What are the divorce issues? WTF doesn't she work? Focus on that - getting her off the couch and contributing to the household economy. Is the autistic child functioning?

3.a. What in the actual < edited > do you mean by this? "...since there's probably little chance I'd get full custody anyway?"

4. Recorder starting right now all the way through. Secret. On your person all the time she is anywhere around.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: Questions On Forum Mottos

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 4:10 pm

+1 Trevor

Journal- as you see fit. Soft copy, yes. I used google calendar which can convert to excel if needed. I made notes of Ex's factual issues, like she threw a phone at my head, or left Jr. with a box of knives on umpty date and time. I'd leave out the feeling stuff, like "She's acting like a bioch" or "That skank is a skank"

Just kill social media, excuses are easy to come up with. Your just afraid of her. Who cares what she say's. Let her snoop. Just clean up after yourself, wear your journal around your neck on a usb drive or better yet the cloud or in a friends garage or storage unit.

Tough it out if you can, save you tons of money and make the playing field more even. Some can't and I get that. If you can go for it. What's 4 more years.

Recorder- If you think she'll throw you in jail or manufacture false DV charge Use it daily without breaks. And for goodness sake call the police, Charge her if they physically abused you. Good lord people. Just call the cops and arrest her.

Get that woman back to work before you file or prepare to pay her for a while. Your choice.

The stay home rule. If you own a home and kids are gone, try and protect your investment by living in another part of the house. Just be aware you may have to pay for both homes if you move out. Just depend on if you can get her back to work or not.
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Re: Questions On Forum Mottos

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Mar 16, 2017 4:16 pm

There's a new app. You can take someone's picture and through facial recognition it will mine social media, dating and other sites to identify you to the person using the app.

Creepy.

Good reason to ditch social media.
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Re: Questions On Forum Mottos

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 4:21 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:There's a new app. You can take someone's picture and through facial recognition it will mine social media, dating and other sites to identify you to the person using the app.

Creepy.

Good reason to ditch social media.



Besides, if your shadowman, you don't really want to come into the light. Zero Dark, if you know what I mean. Also a huge distraction that otherwise could be used on your planning and preparing. No to mentions the headache you'll have to deal with by the stbx peering into your life and getting the story line wrong (keyhole theory).
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Re: Questions On Forum Mottos

Unread postby astrolink » Thu Mar 16, 2017 4:48 pm

I'd encourage her to better herself so she can lead a more fullfilling life by paying for her to go to nursing school for 2 years. RN starting pay is around $65K in my area. This would either greatly help or eliminate the lifetime alimony you will end up paying otherwise.
“There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?”
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