Need help with dispute

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Need help with dispute

Postby djhupnorth » Thu May 26, 2005 8:55 pm

I have 2 kids and we have 50/50 custody. The kids are at the age where going to Dads is no longer fun for them. Most of all my 13 yr old hates coming to our house. We live aprox 12 miles from my ex and she complains about not being able to see her freinds. Right now I have them 2 days a week and every other weekend. For years I have paid my ex $300 a month, shared other expenses etc. During the summer we spit them by week and I stop paying. Now my ex is basically demanding that they see me only every other weekend and is going back to a filed court paper stating 20% of my wage be for child support etc. We never had a lawyer involved. I spoke with an attorney awhile back and he stated if what she has from 1996 was filed correctly, I would be the biggest deadbeat dad in the area. Nothing has ever been taken from my check. Since I will not give up any of my custody, she is filing the paperwork to garnish my wages from the 1996 agreement. Her are some questions I have.

1. Can she just file the paperwork to take from my check from something filed in 1996?

2. I don't want to get into this but I have very serious questions about her parenting. Some exapmles are 2 seperate vacations where the kids were home alone (13 & 17), an incident where I had to pick up my daughters from school beacuse they sought a counsler for their motheres drinking. The problem right now is are the kids are against me. I think it is because I care, ask questions where they are going to be, upset when they dont call on their whereabouts etc.
I have supported her through these times but now she is after me for more money and less time with my kids. Do I try for full custody? I am afraid it will make my situation with the kids worse.

3. She nearly makes twice as much as me in earnings. They live a different lifestyle etc. I think the kids are not learning the value of money and hard work. They get expensive clothes and make-up. Can I take her to court to stop paying her any child support?

4. All our arrangements have been verbal since that 1996 date. Nothing is in writing with the courts. Is this going to haunt me?

Any help would be appreciated. I have not been so hurt since my divorce. It's tough when the kids go against you. All i have said is that I love them and someday they will understand.
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Postby Kat » Thu May 26, 2005 11:24 pm

Whatever your last official court ordered child support amount states is what she can get from you from any date previous until a date that she files for a modification.

Verbal agreements and written agreements not made by the Court are not going to be recognized by the Court.

You don't say what the last official court orders say. If they specify an amount paid weekly, bi weekly, or monthly and you have not been paying it since 1996 or any time thereafter, you may very well be in trouble despite any verbal agreements made.

Get a good attorney.

I don't have any advice for you about the rest of it, I've not gotten to that point yet. Good luck.

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Postby Gecko » Fri May 27, 2005 8:28 am

1. Can she just file the paperwork to take from my check from something filed in 1996?

If she has a valid court order, she can request wage withholding.

2. I don't want to get into this but I have very serious questions about her parenting. Some exapmles are 2 seperate vacations where the kids were home alone (13 & 17), an incident where I had to pick up my daughters from school beacuse they sought a counsler for their motheres drinking. The problem right now is are the kids are against me. I think it is because I care, ask questions where they are going to be, upset when they dont call on their whereabouts etc.

I have supported her through these times but now she is after me for more money and less time with my kids. Do I try for full custody? I am afraid it will make my situation with the kids worse.

When did you first start having “questions”…five years ago, three years ago, 6 months ago or when she threaten to take you to court for back CS? See where I am going; your “timing” is questionable.

As for the girls not “liking” stuff…that’s just too damn bad. Life’s a “beach” (and then you marry one). I’m sorry, but parenting is NOT a “popularity” contest and please don’t anyone take this personally…but you’re NOT supposed to be your kids’ “friend”. Oh, I know it’s not easy “competing” against someone who allows your kids to do whatever, whenever and what not, but eventually the kids grow up and they WILL appreciate the fact that the “rules” didn’t change in your home. I’ve gone through the “I hate you Mom” stage with my oldest two and my oldest daughter recently told me that as much as she sometimes hated my “rules”, she always knew where she stood.


3. She nearly makes twice as much as me in earnings. They live a different lifestyle etc. I think the kids are not learning the value of money and hard work. They get expensive clothes and make-up. Can I take her to court to stop paying her any child support?

Yes and in fact, given that she makes substantially more and your have 50/50, she would have to pay you CS. In fact, you might want to ask your attorney to mention to her attorney that ya’ll will be filing for a modification and requesting CS from her.

4. All our arrangements have been verbal since that 1996 date. Nothing is in writing with the courts. Is this going to haunt me?

Oh yeah…BUT, you might catch a break. According to what you’ve said, you 1) only didn’t pay CS during the summer (3 months) and 2) that the agreement has been ongoing for almost 10 years. Just as her attorney would question your motives for suddenly petitioning the courts for custody, your attorney should question HER motives. When I had my arrearage establishment hearing several years ago, my ex and I had four different verbal agreements and the Judge only refused to honor one of them since they were based on common sense.

IF you ONLY did not pay CS during the summer months, you MIGHT get away with it. And if you don’t, I seriously doubt the Judge is going to throw your butt in jail; he’ll just establish arrearages for those months…approximately $8,100…and you’ll have to pay it a little of it at a time over the next how many years it takes. And once the hearing is over and done with, you can file for a modification.
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Postby djhupnorth » Fri May 27, 2005 3:40 pm

Thanks so much for the information. The stroy keeps changing from her. Now the kids spending time during the week 2 nights is not an issue. But she wants support to continue during the summer when we split time week to week. Here are more questions I have.

1. The paperwork filed in 1996 stating 20% of my wages to be deducted was 'filed' with the courts. There never was a 'court order'. Is this the same? The document 'filed' was signed by both of us.

2. When we bought a house she had to sign a statement regarding $300 a month. Would this hold up?
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Postby raf in OR » Fri May 27, 2005 5:09 pm

What exactly do you mean by "filed" with the court? Do you have a document that the court then sent you that was signed by the court confirming and including this new paperwork in your case?

For example, my ex and I came to a stipulated agreement concerning a change of custody for our son. We filed this with the court and we then received court documents approving and including this agreement in our case. This was done several years after the divorce. But the key to all of this is having the court sign off on it.

So when you say "filed" with the court, I'm not sure what you mean. If it was a stipulated agreement entered into the court records, then it is now part of the order.
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Postby Gecko » Fri May 27, 2005 9:50 pm

[color=greenNot to be nosy, but you're going to have to go into a little more detail.][/color]
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Postby djhupnorth » Fri May 27, 2005 10:24 pm

I guess what I need to do is find out exactly what the courts have on record. I have 2 different documents signed on the same day. One has a page included signed by the judge that states I am responsible for my youngest childcare after I loss my job which I did in 1997. (plant closing) The other document she has that states 20% of my wages, just has a 'filed in circuit court' stamp. No signatures other than ours. I am not sure if they are two seperate documents or the were all together. In regard to the parenting issue, It is recent that my doubts have surfaced. They (ex and her husband) took two seperate vacations, one to Mexico and one to Florida, without the girls. They stayed alone the first one and trhe second I was not told about. They had a friend of my ex's husbasnd stay with the house. The girls were there with him, which I did not like! The kids had an issue with her driniking earlier this year and that is when I picked up the kids from school. Her family has a history of alcoholism which concerns me. I would have the dirt I need, I have all emails, I am sure I could get record from the high school, etc but in the end I think I would just distance myself from the girls if I pursued it. I'm stuck! I asked my oldest daughter if her Mom is ok, and she said she is much better since the incident. Yet she comes after me for more money and uses my daughters dislike for coming to my house to her advantage. After I get a letter stating that in the best interest of the kids they do not come over during the week anymore, she changes her tune to keep that the same but pay throught the summer which is what she initially wanted to start this whole mess!
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Postby djhupnorth » Wed Jun 01, 2005 9:13 pm

Well, it's been almost a week since she sent the letter stating her wants etc. The last correspondence I have is her emailing me she will not sit down and discuss what is happening with the kids because it will just upset us both. Meanwhile my nights with the girls has passed and they are not here. I wanted them to know I would try to give them some space but this sucks! As stated before, she roughly makes 75% more yearly income than I. Am I a fool for paying her $300 a month? I have her convinced that any changes in custody will be her responsability to prove me unfit. She said she has a lawyer but I am not sure. I have a pretty good job but obviously we live a diiferent life. If she had to live within my means I think things would be much different. I have paid her roughly $3,ooo a year which is not a lot but the fact that she makes so much more than me makes me think I'm a fool. If that would keep her happy I think it would be worth it! Just to keep her away from me but it's never enough with her. I want to make sure what we decide is filed with the courts so this does not keep happening everytime they don't do good in school etc. Thanks for the insight and thoughts. It sure helps!! I see a lawyer Monday.
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