I really need some advice. In 1988 I was with a boyfriend that I had been with since 1986. We were kinda split up,both knowing without telling each other that the other was "seeing" other people but we were mainly living togeather. I was with a really nice college student named Andy. Well, *Joe and I got back togeather and then we had a child.I was told I could not have more kids after my son in 1984.
Anyway, we soon split up(we were never married) and when she was about 2 yrs., he kidnapped her.He had gotten remarried and the woman was in the dark about why the child was going to spain with them. She was told,once in spain,that I was dead.Anyway, I got some of her medical records when I (well, the SM who she had been living with and who now has custody and is a friend of mine) found her. I also had some old records and paper work about the "dad"(the one that kidnapped her) I found out that there was NO way he could be the father because of the blood types.
I was shocked but knew that the dad could be only one other guy,Andy. I called him and talked to him. He was not mad but had just gotten divorced because they could not have kids.(yikes)He really wants a kid of his own.Well, I told him about 6 years ago and we both decided to NOT tell her that he was the dad.I know he really wants 100% proof(can you blame him, anyone would) He knows that no one is asking for money or anything he is NOT ready for.I talk to him every once and a while and send pics of Jess to him.
I just got this email and I don't know what to do.Jess is now 15 and JUST went through hell while living with her "dad"(the one that raised her)because of his wife.The wife was using the bible to berate her, homeschool her because they caught her hanging out with frinds and all ppl are evil, only used her as a baby sister,making her get up everyday at 4am to take care of the 2 new babies under 2 years old, making her pray on her knees for hours at a time and say that she was a wothless sinner,etc.She is now back with her SM,the one I signed custody over too in 1998.
Here is the email Andy sent:
Happy New Year and a belated Merry Christmas...How have you been? I have thought about you many times lately and of course about Jessica too. I hope all is well for you and that 2005 is a wonderful year. How are your children? I would like to talk to you sometime soon. You know that I believe you when you tell me she is my daughter but I also know that I need to know for sure that she is. I have been wondering if you thought there was any way that you could get a hair from her that we could send somewhere with one of mine to be tested. If we could do that and I could know in my heart that for sure I was her father I would feel good about trying to do something about it, what that would be I don't know. I don't want to tear apart anyones lives but would love to find out for sure and then let God guide us to wherever he wants us to be. What do you think about that? I am sorry I have been gone so long....Andy
OK guys.I debated a lot about asking you guys about this,but I am at a loss at what to do! Andy is a kind and loving man.Her "dad" that raised (well, kidnappedher,we never went to court and did not have a court order so it was whomever had custody at the time had custody) Jess does not know ANYTHING about this although she always gets teased because all his other kids(all 5) look Just like him and his family!Kim, the SM who is really her mom in that she raised her thinking she had no mother,knows about the "Andy factor" What in the heck do I do? Is it even my choice? I made a mistake when I was young and I know I have culpability in this.I REALLY did not know it was Andys.The timing was so close!
Thanks guys for your hopefully non-flameing responses!
PS--I did not have time to edit for spelling,etc..Sorry