Dave01 wrote:The stance I have from the mom is 'send money' and then 'get out of the way/i don't want you involved.'
1. You may not be a parent. Get a DNA test done the day the child is born. Do your homework. Start now.
2. The quoted line above should be interpreted as: I got pregnant and because I know you aren't the only candidate for paternity and I don't have the balls to admit that to you or my family. I'll just run away, take advantage of your good and trusting nature (ostensibly for assuming you are the father and sending money obediently), and have you pay for the child, whosever it is biologically. That way, I don't have to face the fact that I cheated and lied, and ripped you off for the next 18 years; everyone is primed and ready to receive me as the virtuous "single mom, doing it all on my own" while you are the Hole who runs away from your responsibility. This is all to say nothing of the emotional damage facing the baby for never really knowing her father; the emotional damage to you for believing you have a child that I put a thousand miles out of your reach; and the bio father who will never get to know his beautiful daughter. You will be writing checks to support the product of my whorish behavior - someone else's child - while the real Dad never knows anything is happening. My family will forever think you're the one that tainted their baby girl, and you're the deadbeat...never knowing the truth. But hey, I won't have to face reality, I just have to pretend that you are the father and are the one running away, even if you are busting your nuts trying to see the child.
3. If the child is proven by the DNA test not
to be yours, then the price of that test is worthwhile to you, saving you probably over $100,000.
4. If it is yours, then you may have to move to where the child lives in order to be in her life. It could be that if you have a great job you can afford to fly for your parenting time, but I dunno if a court would order her to pay for your travel, even though she moved away from the child's father. Not sure how deep are your pockets but again, best way to be the child's Dad is to live where the child lives.
5. You have a couple months' time to research CO and NY paternity statutes. Start today. Both will likely indicate how you "establish" paternity. Since the baby's not yet born but will be out in CO, I'd start there.
6. We advocate for strong father-child relationships here, so if you are determined to prioritize your job over your (DNA test-proven) child and accept minimal, long-distance time with the child, at least have some thick skin because you may get a blister or two.