Do I need a 2 bedroom apartment for the kids?

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: Do I need a 2 bedroom apartment for the kids?

Postby secondhalf » Thu Jul 05, 2012 6:58 pm

Get a different lawyer. It doesn't seem he is willing to fight for you. Moving out is indeed a bad idea. Lots of experience here. Listen to those on forum.
Last edited by secondhalf on Fri Jul 06, 2012 6:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Do I need a 2 bedroom apartment for the kids?

Postby Fatheroffour » Thu Jul 05, 2012 7:00 pm

He said it doesn't matter that I moved out of the house, as far as custody, the kids, etc. She doesn't have any upper hand.


This attorney will take all your money and sell you down the river. Mark these words. This attorney is a dud.

Look at it this way, You moved out and are OK with the care the kid is getting with mom. A judge won't change that because you ask. Actions speak louder than words.

Does your state have presumptive 50/50 custody?
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Re: Do I need a 2 bedroom apartment for the kids?

Postby RC411V » Fri Jul 06, 2012 12:23 pm

Big thing I think for you is getting the right attitude with your wife. If you have it, your natural response will be most of the things you will be advised to do here. If you want to be with your kids more than EOW, you have to start being basically a single parent. Rely on your wife for nothing, pretend she does not exist and if she does, it is only as an obstacle to things you want/need, like living in a stable home with your kids that you are paying for. What other person in the world would you let kick you out if your own house? If there is a list, you've got bigger problems, but probably it is only your wife and you need to change that, enforce it, and make her learn that you are in charge now.
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Re: Do I need a 2 bedroom apartment for the kids?

Postby better_off » Fri Jul 06, 2012 12:38 pm

Yes, CA is a 50/50 state. I don't want to take the kids from their mother and have them hate me for it later. My oldest brother tried that and his son hated him for it. I just hope my wife can stay sober :-( We have so much crap between us, it's toxic. I simply can't believe things turned out like this. It makes me very sad sometimes.
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Re: Do I need a 2 bedroom apartment for the kids?

Postby Fatheroffour » Fri Jul 06, 2012 1:55 pm

CA is a 50/50 state.


Damn. I've been doing this a long time and have never heard that.

I'll go out on a limb and say that it's not true.

Like a preacher spouting scripture, you need to post the appropriate statute and if you can't find it you need to seriously reconsider your strategy.
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Re: Do I need a 2 bedroom apartment for the kids?

Postby defaultuser » Fri Jul 06, 2012 2:13 pm

better_off wrote:I don't want to take the kids from their mother and have them hate me for it later.

Does your wife feel the same about you?

This place does not advocate taking kids away from their mothers. We are all about what is best for the kids, and our society tends to forget that kids need their father at least as much as their mother, maybe more.

You seem to have forgot that too. I hope you change your mind.
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Re: Do I need a 2 bedroom apartment for the kids?

Postby hoosier_dad » Fri Jul 06, 2012 2:50 pm

Here's the relevant California statutes.

If both parents agree to 50/50 it is presumed to be in the best interests of the children. If one parents does not agree it defaults back to section 3011, better known as best interests of the children.

3080. There is a presumption, affecting the burden of proof, that
joint custody is in the best interest of a minor child, subject to
Section 3011, where the parents have agreed to joint custody or so
agree in open court at a hearing for the purpose of determining the
custody of the minor child.

3011. In making a determination of the best interest of the child
in a proceeding described in Section 3021, the court shall, among any
other factors it finds relevant, consider all of the following:
(a) The health, safety, and welfare of the child.
(b) Any history of abuse by one parent or any other person seeking
custody against any of the following:
(1) Any child to whom he or she is related by blood or affinity or
with whom he or she has had a caretaking relationship, no matter how
temporary.
(2) The other parent.
(3) A parent, current spouse, or cohabitant, of the parent or
person seeking custody, or a person with whom the parent or person
seeking custody has a dating or engagement relationship.
As a prerequisite to the consideration of allegations of abuse,
the court may require substantial independent corroboration,
including, but not limited to, written reports by law enforcement
agencies, child protective services or other social welfare agencies,
courts, medical facilities, or other public agencies or private
nonprofit organizations providing services to victims of sexual
assault or domestic violence. As used in this subdivision, "abuse
against a child" means "child abuse" as defined in Section 11165.6 of
the Penal Code and abuse against any of the other persons described
in paragraph (2) or (3) means "abuse" as defined in Section 6203 of
this code.
(c) The nature and amount of contact with both parents, except as
provided in Section 3046.
(d) The habitual or continual illegal use of controlled substances
or habitual or continual abuse of alcohol by either parent. Before
considering these allegations, the court may first require
independent corroboration, including, but not limited to, written
reports from law enforcement agencies, courts, probation departments,
social welfare agencies, medical facilities, rehabilitation
facilities, or other public agencies or nonprofit organizations
providing drug and alcohol abuse services. As used in this
subdivision, "controlled substances" has the same meaning as defined
in the California Uniform Controlled Substances Act, Division 10
(commencing with Section 11000) of the Health and Safety Code.
(e) (1) Where allegations about a parent pursuant to subdivision
(b) or (d) have been brought to the attention of the court in the
current proceeding, and the court makes an order for sole or joint
custody to that parent, the court shall state its reasons in writing
or on the record. In these circumstances, the court shall ensure that
any order regarding custody or < parenting time > is specific as to time,
day, place, and manner of transfer of the child as set forth in
subdivision (b) of Section 6323.
(2) The provisions of this subdivision shall not apply if the
parties stipulate in writing or on the record regarding custody or
< parenting time >.
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Re: Do I need a 2 bedroom apartment for the kids?

Postby RC411V » Fri Jul 06, 2012 3:06 pm

Not sure what exactly is meant by 50/50, but there's ^ the law in CA, and it really is up to your judge, seemingly as in most other places.

If you want to be with your kids, live with them. If you don't, keep doing what you're doing.
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Re: Do I need a 2 bedroom apartment for the kids?

Postby 2wonderfulkids » Sun Jul 15, 2012 5:17 pm

I agree with the others who say you need to move back in to your home. Unless she has a court order granting her exclusive use, I think you should still be able to, however the longer you wait it might be more difficult? If she has changed the locks, personally I'd lean toward just bringing a locksmith or renting a sawzall and cutting off the locks yourself but you should probably ask your lawyer (or a new attorney) if that's ok first. Set up your own room. Protect yourself and belongings (advice given - get a safe, keep a recorder). The advice about putting a lock on your private room sounds good, but, I can think of two potential pitfalls. One is that you have undivided interest in the house, so you may have no more right to lock her out of a bedroom than she does with the whole house; two is that in some areas zoning / building codes prohibit keyed locks on bedroom doors unless you have a boarding house permit. I doubt either of these would be a major issue, but something to consider.
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Re: Do I need a 2 bedroom apartment for the kids?

Postby Fatheroffour » Sun Jul 15, 2012 7:10 pm

You know your divorce has hit War of the Roses proportions when you are calling building code enforcement on each other.
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