Feeling less "adult" than parent friends

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Feeling less "adult" than parent friends

Unread postby Falconer9 » Wed May 23, 2012 2:14 pm

I had what my friends have: a spouse, children, a home. My friends’ families and mine visited each other, and the grown-ups talked about kid things, house things, and (privately in twos) spouse things.

Now my wife is divorcing me. It's not what I wanted, but there it is.

My wife lives in our house with our children: they have dinner together and play with the dog and watch TV together. I’m about to move into a small apartment with no spouse, no children, no dog, no TV.

My friends used to think of me and my wife as the “veterans” of our circle because our teenage children as so much older than their kids, but now, I feel like I’m the odd person out. Worse, I feel like my friends are living busy, responsible, 24/7-child-focused lives, and not only am I still trying to get < parenting time > set up to see my children, I’m also out of work.

I know that in time, things will come: I’ll get a job, I’ll get time with my children, and we’ll establish a routine. I’m still their father, I still have children, and my friends don’t think any less of me – they are, in fact, concerned about me and support me.

I haven’t lived on my own in more than 20 years. I know I must think about myself and my life and what I want it to be, but when I’m down, I feel less “adult” than my friends, even though I'm 45.

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with these feelings, even if it’s just affirmations to tell myself?
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Re: Feeling less "adult" than parent friends

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Wed May 23, 2012 2:21 pm

Give it a little time. Many of those younger couples are going to be headed right where you're at now. The women friends of your ex will see how she came out in the D and when they get tired of hubby or that old BF contacts them on FB, be prepared to give hubby some words of wisdom.
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Re: Feeling less "adult" than parent friends

Unread postby JumbleDone » Wed May 23, 2012 2:21 pm

Your other thread noted you have teenagers, and that this is something that she wants, not you.

So, tell us, why are you the one who's moving out? That is a cardinal sin, and in the court's eyes, tantamount to giving up on the kids. If she wants change, she needs to effect it, not you. Don't fall on your sword for her. Stand up, be proud, be Dad.

Let mom slink out if she chooses to do so.
Audaces fortuna iuvat.

The meaning of life is Happiness. What makes you happy? - Dalai Lama

For a more peaceful life, live the serenity prayer.
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Re: Feeling less "adult" than parent friends

Unread postby jamessick » Wed May 23, 2012 2:32 pm

Get thee to the gym! Work out and work on YOU. If you feel down a lot, get thee to a counselor or talk to a friend (though I think I'd suggest one outside your previous circle of friends).


Pain passes and depression usually wanes as well. Find a hobby you have always wanted to do and throw yourself into it. Have some fun.


A great dad is also great to himself. Find your center and from there the change in you will be noticable. Control your life, emotions, finances with the verve and insight that you show in your passion for your kids.

I am a dad. It is not a simple title, nor a professional position. It is a aggressively defended FACT!
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