Need help

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Need help

Postby Lane1340 » Mon May 21, 2012 11:17 am

I'm the father of four elementary school aged kids with two stepkids that are 13 and 15. My wife just graduated college and I am gainfully employed. She has never worked and her only income is child support, which isnt much (around 500 per month). We own a house and the title is in my name, but MO is a community property state.

I'm thinking of divorcing but am fearful of having to pay out the wazoo for child support. If my wife were employed (she is going for her masters in special ed, wants to teach special ed kids) we have talked about having joint custody with no child support. But not sure I can wait a year or two and there are plenty of things that can go wrong before then... I dont want to fight or pay to try to get full custody, but maybe there is something to be said for me getting joint custody of my 4 kids anyway? Especially when she has two other kids and is getting child support for them from their father. Plus she at least has a bachelors degree now and can find employment, even if it isnt what she hoped it to be.

She tells me that she wants to divorce after she gets her masters and gets a teaching job, so my question is are there advantages for me to take control of the situation and file for divorce now before she has her degree, which would likely force her into taking a job she doesnt want or like but pays moderately? Or should I wait for her to get her degree, which I dont particularly want to do since thats what she wants and I dont want to be her mule and then have her < feces > on me after she gets the degree and job and files for divorce.

She has been married 4 times, while this is my only marriage. Do the courts look at that at all? Also, the kids have been placed second after her homework and schooling over the years. She never took them for swimming lessons or other activities during the day like other non-working mothers do for their kids, they sat around at home all day (before they started school) while she studied and then I would be with them while she went to her classes, even adjusting my work schedule around her schooling.

I am in Missouri.
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Re: Need help

Postby Fatheroffour » Mon May 21, 2012 11:41 am

You should revoew the links in my signature.
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Re: Need help

Postby Lane1340 » Mon May 21, 2012 11:44 am

I have and am undertaking many of the tips, just looking for advice specific to my particular situation, thanks
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Re: Need help

Postby Fatheroffour » Mon May 21, 2012 12:35 pm

so my question is are there advantages for me to take control of the situation and file for divorce now before she has her degree, which would likely force her into taking a job she doesnt want or like but pays moderately? Or should I wait for her to get her degree, which I dont particularly want to do since thats what she wants and I dont want to be her mule and then have her < edited > on me after she gets the degree and job and files for divorce.



You should file for divorce when your documentation that you are the parent performing the majority of child caretaking duties is rock solid. Not before.

Work on getting that shored up and documented and then revisit whether she has a job and how much she is making.
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Re: Need help

Postby stb_divorced » Mon May 21, 2012 9:41 pm

i'm starting to see a pattern with all these women getting BA's and Master's degrees yet they haven't worked a day in their lives....

just saying.
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Re: Need help

Postby FriendofaGoodMan » Tue May 22, 2012 8:14 am

Lane1340 wrote: She tells me that she wants to divorce after she gets her masters and gets a teaching job, so my question is are there advantages for me to take control of the situation and file for divorce now before she has her degree, which would likely force her into taking a job she doesnt want or like but pays moderately? Or should I wait for her to get her degree, which I dont particularly want to do since thats what she wants and I dont want to be her mule and then have her < edited > on me after she gets the degree and job and files for divorce.


You and she are already talking divorce, and she's saying 'I want to divorce when...' She's already 10 steps ahead of you. You need to figure out what your custody goals are (50/50? Primary?) and focus down on how to get those, without consideration for her feelings.

Having her working when you file is a definate plus. What is the $$$ differential between the job she would get immediately, and the one she'd have you "wait for".

Lane1340 wrote: She has been married 4 times, while this is my only marriage. Do the courts look at that at all?


No, not really.

Lane1340 wrote: She never took them for swimming lessons or other activities during the day like other non-working mothers do for their kids, they sat around at home all day (before they started school) while she studied


Your best bet, should 50/50 or greater custody be your goal, is to concentrate on showing through documentary evidence how you are a fantastic dad. Taking them to activities, karate/ballet/piano lessons, meeting with teachers at school, helping with all daily needs (make dinner, baths, reading stories at bedtime). Document (photographs with timestamps) and journal. Read the LIST in FoF's signature.

Have you retained counsel?
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Re: Need help

Postby BartSimpson » Tue May 22, 2012 8:45 am

I think some elements are being overlooked.

She has a job, she is a professional student. I have known a number of these - never actually worked, always continuing an education. Has she talked about her Post-Doc work yet. Consider this - a PhD in such a narrow and limited field with no administrative experience is worthless.

In other words, her job prospects are not better, nor is her salary going to be significantly different, to justify her post graduate education.

The OP posted the exact same question, word for word, a year ago. He has done nothing. Our advice then (particularly Trevor's) was to get off his butt and do something. Again, he has done nothing, completely ignoring our advice and his own best interest. I wonder now if we are just wasting our time again.

He lost any sympathy from me when he married a three-time divorced woman, and spoiled her whim for education. To contrast with my life experience - my ex felt that just being married to me for a couple of years while I finished my professional education and residency entitled her to a lifetime precentage of my professional income.
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Re: Need help

Postby Txbizman » Tue May 22, 2012 9:14 am

stb_divorced wrote:i'm starting to see a pattern with all these women getting BA's and Master's degrees yet they haven't worked a day in their lives....

just saying.



This one in particular is a professional ex wife......
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Re: Need help

Postby Fatheroffour » Tue May 22, 2012 9:22 am

OP is an amateur VS a professional. He should have used his study time more wisely.
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Re: Need help

Postby Trevor » Tue May 22, 2012 10:00 am

BartSimpson wrote:The OP posted the exact same question, word for word, a year ago. He has done nothing. Our advice then (particularly Trevor's) was to get off his butt and do something. Again, he has done nothing, completely ignoring our advice and his own best interest. I wonder now if we are just wasting our time again.

To save some time...
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=40315
Dual Parenting, not Duel Parenting.
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