Divorced July 2011. Since that time, NJ has removed most of her things from the house we owned which I refi'd and cashed her out of. But, she keeps bugging me and threatening to reopen our case (which she already tried to do once- she had her lawyer set a hearing then she backed down 2 days before it was to be heard) or "file contempt" if I "don't let her back in that house and sort out the rest of our joint property". The decree said we each got 50% of the contents but I gave her 75% to make her go away. Still, she wants to argue over "knick knacks" and come search my house room by room. Its to the point of harassment. How can I deal with this? I've tried to be nice. I just dont want her in my house ever again. I had a PO against her for a long time, and its gone now, but she still really scares me. She is still so angry with me and has huge feelings of entitlement.
I think you can: A) Contact the police about harassment. Find out what the law enforcement in your area will do about it. B) Get your attorney engaged, spend large amounts of money in the family court system and perhaps come to some resolution. C) Ignore her. D) Give her what she wants.
I don't think there is an easy way out, except for option C. I think option D would work against you.
The threat of her opening up the case again is probably an empty one on her part and if she does, you will likely win.
The way I did it I made sure I was gone when she came to my 4 bdrm house with 2 moving trucks and a crew. Since I wasn't there she can't say I stopped her from taking anything or that we argued over anything.
The funnyest part was she took my deep freezer and fridge and left all the food on the floor.
And even better, back when we were happily married we moved and put our old house up for rent. Her parents went there, took our washer and dryer, replaced them with their broken ones.
It's just hilarious when I think about how lucky I am to be done with all that.
1. I can almost guarantee that the court will not "reopen" the case for her to retrieve dust-collectors that she has had 10 months to collect. I suppose you can produce evidence of the date(s) where she was afforded access to the home in order to gather her belongings. If the decree listed her property you might have to sign an affidavit that she collected or you delivered all the property listed in the court orders.
2. I would ignore her. If you can't do that (sad if that's true) then tell her you don't know what she's talking about, but she is not permitted in your home. As an alternative, however, as a last and final stage in resolving this problem, she should feel free to submit a detailed list of the property that she believes belongs to her and still exists in the home. If any of it is there, return it. If it's not, tell her it no longer exists (or tell her when she got it).
I thought I would have the same problem so put a drop dead date in the orders. Specifically said she had to have all her stuff out by 01DEC of the year. Do you have a complete inventory of ALL items in the home? If not, how are you going to prove you gave her 75%? Or even 50%?
So, I had my daughter drive over the things she's been emailing about and then she sends (emails) this.....so pissed and am tempted to respond, but don't think I will
It is a gift, totally amazing that (daughter 20) and I have managed to put to good a relationship. It is a wonderful one. An absolute miracle.
I thank my God everyday for giving me the strength to put everything that dragged me down behind me and give me strength to move forward . Unfortunately, rather than showing me the love and support that I had hoped for following my first treatment., you kicked me out immediately. Thus sending me into a downward spiral that seemed to have no end. No need to rehash it here. I always wore a smile, made a joke. Tears of the clown they call it. No one know how broken I was inside or how it got so unbearable.
God thew me a lifeline. I didn't grab it at first. I thought I could do it all by myself. Who wants to be an alcoholic? But I simply could not handle my life as it was. I had two solutions; continue as I was and commit a slow but sure suicide by drinking. Leaving those who loved me wondering why. Not ever knowing the real truth. Or I could put my life in God's hands and grab the rope. It didn't come quickly. But I am truely happy.
I wanted to try and work this out with you. But you continued to want to live in and rehash the past. I need to live in the solution. So there was no coming together. It was just too unhealthy for me.
I had truely hoped that we could work something out at least to be amicable with regards to the children.
Today, once again you had (daughter 20) in tears because of your own stubborn pride and resentment. She was besides herself.
I am pleading with you not to use her as the middleman. She's not the one you hate yet she is the one you are punishing.
I am asking you to 'man up' and deal with this as a grown adult. Standard divorces have the couples get together and divide community property. This is not going to be over until we get this done the right way. You are going to continue to pick at the scab
We can figure this out later. I will address this in a seperate email.
But for right now and forever in the future. PLEASE don't use (daughter 20) or (son 23) and (son 23) as your errand boys between you and I.
Put your anger, pride and resentment for me aside where the kids are at stake.
I suppose you can make her send over a trucking company next time. Not sure who initiated the divorce in your case, but it makes me wonder why stbx's who initiate divorce are suprised when it turns bitter. A divorce filing to me seems like a declaration of war. I agree, sending a response is not a good idea. However, at the very least send her a holiday card or two.
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