ugggh! need advice

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

ugggh! need advice

Postby divorcedtxdad » Sat May 19, 2012 12:32 pm

Ok heres the background. Exwife moved out last November. We had been married for 18 years and have 3 kids together. At first I thought it was going to be a short term seperation but right away she started changing things. She signed a year lease with a two bedroom apt. When she moved oit she left the three kids with me. Two boys ages 8 and 9 and a 14 year old daughter. The first month after leaving us she started taking my two boys a over night visits maybe a total of 5 or 6 times in the first month. My daughter refused to spend any time with her at that time. Going back a little after movjng out she changed her cell phone service provide, my thoughs were that she didn't want me to know who she was talking too. I was able to check cell phone records from when she was with me up to the first few days of her moving out and found out she was texting someonr around 10 pm and it was a guy that she works with. In a couple of weeks after moving out she decides that shes going to take a mini vacation 4 days and travel with a friend whom I believe was the same guy she was texting.
She told me in Dec that she had talked with a lawyer and that she was going for a divorce. I told her that she needed to try and save our marriage for both us and the kids. To which she said she didn't want to. She wanted to be independent. At this time I was seeing a counceler as well as my 14 year old daughter. I was having a hard time with the seperation no sleep loss of weight. Our divorce was final in March a total of 4 months from when she decided to move out. Pretty fast!! It was an uncontested divorce and she was the only one with a lawyer. Iour divorce decree stated that all of our bills would be split down the middle, no spouse support because we both make around the same income at around 65000 each. We would both have the boys equal days 4 day one week and then 3 days the following week. The only child support required and let me say this was her idea and lawyer that put this in place was that I would continue to pay for the health insurance at 400 per mt., and she would pay for dental at 80.00 per month. Everything else like child care, food, clothes, medical stuff we would split 50/50. Also she agreed to finish paying off our consolidatied student loans, and her reasoning was that my support for the kids health insurance was $400.00 and and with her paying our consolidated loan it off set the cost of the H. Insurance. A few times my ex has called me after my divorce and if she happens to be ticked off with me she will tell me how lucky I was for not having 30% of my income taking away in the form of child support. Most recently last night she said that She wants me to pay my share of the consolidated college loan. Which she agreed to pay for in the divorce decree. I told her I was busy at the time and wanted a few days to think it over. To which she replied fine in the meantime I will contact the court and applie for child support. I should state that I continue to have my daughter at least 5 days and nights per week and I also have my boys
3 to 4 days and nights per week. Our divorce happened in Texas and was finalized 2 months ago. What can she do,? And what should I do?
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Re: ugggh! need advice

Postby defaultuser » Sat May 19, 2012 12:45 pm

You should do three things:

1) Stop talking to your X. She isn't a valuable source of information.

2) Go find a good lawyer. You probably don't have to retain him/her unless she files for something, but you will need one quickly if she does.

3) Start educating yourself on the family court process. Reading all your state's laws on the subject would be a good start.

Based on what you've said here, she doesn't have much of a case, and if you play it right, she will be owing you child support if you go through the court process. Good luck. Come back here often with specific questions and you'll find help. There are lots of guys from TX here and they are very good.
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Re: ugggh! need advice

Postby divorcedtxdad » Sat May 19, 2012 12:56 pm

Thank you for your quick response. I have set up a appt with a divorce lawyer to see next week. When she decided this and started pushing for a divorce she had hoped that we could remain friends and continue working well together for the kids. I am sure I could take some mpneg out of my retirement and pay off my portion of the student loan that she agreed to pay for in the divorce decree. I just hate the idea of her thinking that when ever she gets tired and we don't agree on something that she throws child support at me. I would much rather spend that money on my kids myself. As it is right now if I wanted because my daughter is living with me 5days per week I think J could get 20% of her income or around 1000 per mt.
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Re: ugggh! need advice

Postby startingagain » Sat May 19, 2012 10:02 pm

You should never do anything without an attorney or at least a consult. Make sure they are qualified and experienced. I agree with the other post, stop talking to ex. My life got a lot better after I stopped talking to her, and forced her to text and e-mail.
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Re: ugggh! need advice

Postby Fatheroffour » Sat May 19, 2012 10:15 pm

I guess now it's not so important for the two of you to remain friends.

Congratulations on striking while the iron was hot and getting your divorce done while she was feeling guilty for breaking up the marriage even though you didn't want the divorce. We see guys come here pretty regularly that , when divorce is thrust upon them against their will, try to stall the process in the hopes their wayward wife will come to her senses.

Yeah, quit talking to her about that kind of stuff. Yeah yeah her, ignore, stare at her, politely defer until later or just hang up whenever she tries to engage you about issues other than the need to know stuff about the kids. Thats all you owe her. You are your own man. You're not a team with her and all you owe her is the basics of civility. Nothing else. You don't care what she thinks or what she wants. Project that and she will eventually give up asking you for anything.
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”― Mark Twain



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Re: ugggh! need advice

Postby divorcedtxdad » Sun May 20, 2012 10:59 pm

Ok so exwife called and said that she was going to make sure that we stick to the schdule with first, third, and forth weekend visits with my sons. Shes upset because I will not paymore on our consolidated loans for college. She agreed yo pay them in the divorce decree. The divorce decree was made up by my exwife and her lawyer. I just signed the paperwork, I didn't use a lawyer. My time with my two sons averages out to three to four days per week. She is trying to force me to pay half of the consolidated loan and because, I won't she is taking time away from me with my boys. She also told my daughter who is 15 that the same thing applys to her. My daughter has been living with me from the start of all this. Daughter made the choicr to live with me, can my exwife force hed to live with her. Also I plan on callinh a lawyer to talk about my options. Oh yeah, I told my exwife yesterday not to call or text me anympre but, to email me instead. She refused to follow this is there a way to make it so she can not call me anymore?
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Re: ugggh! need advice

Postby Fatheroffour » Mon May 21, 2012 5:07 am

She can only go against the court ordered plan already in place if you allow her to .

Don't allow her to.

And assign her a silent ring tone so you don't have to worry about her phone calls. No more talking to her. Text, email and voice mail only because if she is as controlling and nutty as you portray, she'll be giving you sone good evidence to use against her.
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Re: ugggh! need advice

Postby Treading Water » Mon May 21, 2012 11:34 am

What does the court order say? In the OP you state that you have 50/50 with the boys and that you have your daughter 5 out of 7 nights a week. Then you go on to say in a subsequent post
"Ok so exwife called and said that she was going to make sure that we stick to the schdule with first, third, and forth weekend visits with my sons
.
That quote looks like Texas standard possession for the NCP.

What EXACTLY do your orders state? If the orders state the 4/3/3/4 schedule for the boys and the ex is trying to get you to standard possession then she needs to pound sand. If the orders a standard possession and you all have agreed outside the orders to the 4/3/3/4 then you might have to finesse her. So, please let us know what is actually in the orders regarding possession of all 3 kids.

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Re: ugggh! need advice

Postby blueTexas » Mon May 21, 2012 11:45 am

I believe that, since you have basically the same incomes and share custody 50-50, your child support debt is zero.
I am suprised however that her lawyer ever approved her repayment of your student loan debt, which can be a can of worms...to her.
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Re: ugggh! need advice

Postby divorcedtxdad » Mon May 21, 2012 11:58 am

Ok so my court orders state that I was ordered the extended standard < parenting time > schedule. So every thursday and 1,3,and 5th week. We have never followed that. Daughter lives with me 5+ days per week and I have my sons every week for at least 3 days/overnights sometimes 4 days/overnight. She is going to take that < parenting time > away and wants to enforce the original schedule on the decree. I have documented every day that I have had my kids and it comes out to be that I have my two boys at least 55% of the time and my daughter 90% of the time.
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