Paranoid and It's Driving Me Crazy (Should I Be)-PLEASE READ

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Paranoid and It's Driving Me Crazy (Should I Be)-PLEASE READ

Postby foothills » Mon May 14, 2012 11:15 pm

BACK STORY: I relocated cross-country to be with and in my 5 year old son's life. The history between me and his mother (my ex-wife) is absolutely repulsive (SURPRISE). Not because of me, but because of her. She hired a bulldog attorney who managed to have me stripped of my "joint legal custody" (my ex has sole legal custody)....the judge we were in front of clearly had it out for me and just simply did not like me (for whatever reason). I could do NOTHING right!!!

This was all when we were in Virginia. We have been under the same Order (Custody/< parenting time >) since my son was 1.5 yrs old. My ex remarried and relocated to Colorado; I fought it but of course lost. I then picked up/packed up and moved to Colorado (I got here before my ex did actually) and set up housing.

I got really involved in my son's school, I mean I was the ONLY father that was volunteering for just about everything that came up (he goes to a private school). My ex hated it clearly, and petitioned the court back in VA to have my < parenting time > limited, she said I was a nuisance (for lack of a better word) and was preventing my son from becoming independent, etc... I subsequently enrolled in school to become a teacher and get yet another Masters Degree (I already have 2). In so doing, I needed letters of recommendation - which of ALL people I was able to get one from the Principal of my son's school....she said all sorts of glowing things about me and recommended me into the program (I was accepted BTW).

My ex "not knowing" what my career plans were (as I am currently an unemployed disabled veteran), and was unemployed when I relocated cross-country again filed her petition back in VA (even though we all lived here in Colorado now) to limit my access to our son even more (currently I have the EOW gig, with 3 hours during the week for dinner weekly). I fought it on the grounds that VA no longer had jurisdiction and WON!!!

I'm now working with an attorney who says that we absolutely must get a PRE (Parental Responsibility Evaluation) done in order to seek the 50/50 parenting time and Decision making modification that we're getting ready to put before the court. I am in agreement with this, and have no problem with it....IT's a DONE DEAL.

However,

My son's teacher is a very good guy...very fair and very reasonable (or so it seems(ed). That being said, there has been an incident where I pulled my son to the side to briefly discuss with him a problem that he's been having with putting his hands on other students (being somewhat of a bully) on the playground. The Principal, other teachers, and even my son's teacher have had to reprimand him in my presence about keeping his hand to himself. I've reached out to my ex via email to inform her of such, but she's unwilling to even acknowledge me as a man, much less a parent of our son.

So recently I noticed my son up to his "Big Bad Guy" antics, and it appeared that no one else (a teacher or adult on the playground) noticed - so when the kids came inside I pulled him to the side and talked to him about it (note: just the week prior a teacher had a discussion with him (again) about keeping his hands to himself). I asked him if he remembered what she talked about and he said "yes". Well, his teacher must have did a head-count and noticed that my son was not present - he came looking for him, and the two of us had ditched into the workroom for me to discuss his behavior with him (again briefly). The teacher upon noticing Chase coming out of the workroom with me did not seem very pleased that Chase was not in place.

I'm concerned that he may mention something to my ex, and she will most certainly try to exploit the situation for what she'll deem as "more" of "MY" bad behavior. She was able to get people to testify against me back east that I was a problem and did not have my son' s best interests at the forefront of my decision making.

My question is this: Do you think I have anything to worry about? Am I just paranoid? I have more than adequate proof to provide the Investigator of my ex's "CLEAR" assymetrical parental alienation - as well as witnesses who can attest to how different my son is towards me when with his mother (at school).

How much weight will this Investigator have in Court (when we get there). I'm sure BTW that I will be viewed favorably by this individual. I clearly made a misstep by pulling my son aside to "check" him about being a bully (his teacher doesn't seem to think he is quite there yet, but I don't think he's aware of the many other scenarios that I've been present at where my son was scolded/reprimanded for like behavior)?

Anyway - I' m worried that my ex will try any and everything; my attorney seems to really feel we've got a strong case to support a modification:

A. Change in circumstances (material) - cross-country relocation
B. Same order for many years now
C. Proved points of alienation (w/ emails and parental witnesses to backup certain things)
D. Unresponsiveness to emails (I tried to discuss some issues related to my sons schoolwork that I felt we could help him with at home, if we worked together - as I didn't see him frequently enough to make a big impact - it needed to be a united effort) - I was IGNORED....we eventually got an email from the teacher stating that we would want to begin working with Chase on the very thing(s) that I brought up weeks earlier.
E. Other issues like in point "D" (above)....where clearly she has NO interest in coparenting with me for the sake of our son.

Anyone's thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for not passing up....and most of all taking the time to READ.

MUCH APPRECIATION...!

Signed,

I Just Want To Be A Daddy/Father/Parent/Equal Influence...

P.S. I feel it necessary to be absolutely "CRYSTAL" clear about something: While I see places where my ex's parenting lacks, I totally understand that it's "bittnerness" that's fueling her. I do NOT desire to take my son away from her, but rather "share" fully the responsibility for rearing him. I honestly believe that my ex would rather see me burn up, rather than "spit" on me to put the fire out - or at least extinguish it. It comes across in how my son acts and reacts to me upon our seeing one-another; he isn't comfortable calling me "Daddy" anymore on telephone calls or in person (he says it's not necessary that he say it all the time, or every time). Anyway....I do subscribe to the mindset that I must LOVE him more than I despise her....but, when she's got the "winning hand" already - there's no motivation to get along, and every reason under the son to place me in a "less than important role" in my son's mind....and it shows.

HELP?
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Re: Paranoid and It's Driving Me Crazy (Should I Be)-PLEASE

Postby BartSimpson » Tue May 15, 2012 12:06 am

I'm really unclear on what your Son's behavior is the requires you, and others, to tell him to keep his hands to himself. Where is he placing his hands?
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Re: Paranoid and It's Driving Me Crazy (Should I Be)-PLEASE

Postby foothills » Tue May 15, 2012 12:15 am

I'm sorry - it's nothing "crazy" he's just a little boy that is aggressive sometimes. He's not a fighter or a problem child by any stretch....it's just that he's strong-willed and many times is just "taking up for himself or others" --- for example, he's on the playground and they're playing soccer - another kid picks up the ball and won't play fair or properly....my son will relentlessly pursue getting the ball from the other kid, trying to knock it out of his hands etc...

I've seen him push and pull on playground equip. (from the hands of others)....for whatever the reason....it's simply NOT the way you're supposed to act.

He's just a little rough around the edges, but nothing I'm overly concerned about....it's just that as luck would have it, I've been there to experience him being reprimanded by more than a couple of adults/teachers....and I feel that we (my ex and I) can deal with him if we pursue the issue with him - together (she in her home, and me here in ours)....BUT, she simply will not engage me about the issues.

I'm at my son's school much more frequently than she is (as I do not work)....and I volunteer a lot, so I relay my observations to her through email. Likewise, I try to tell her of my academic observations of our son, and the fact that I think we need to "tighten up" on assisting him with homework at home and reinforcing things....

He's otherwise a good kid, AWESOME kid....just (again) a little rough around the edges sometimes. When he's with me on our weekends, we have very few problems....as I set boundaries and we simply enjoy ourselves (at least once we work through the "programming" that he's receiveed while not with me the week prior).

He's clearly in two totally different homes....problem is, he's only in ours EOW.
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Re: Paranoid and It's Driving Me Crazy (Should I Be)-PLEASE

Postby foothills » Tue May 15, 2012 12:26 am

"capslock" - I'm not sure if you read my "dissertation" (the initial posting)....but, I was looking for feedback related to the scenario as indicated (overall). My apologies for not pointing out that I "absolutely" offered an apology (I forget the fact that people ONLINE don't "know" me - I assumed that was understood); Oops!

Anyway...do you have anything else "tangible" to convey related to and geared towards the "entire" email and specific issues therein?

Or anyone else for that matter?

Thanks much.
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Re: Paranoid and It's Driving Me Crazy (Should I Be)-PLEASE

Postby BartSimpson » Tue May 15, 2012 12:37 am

foothills wrote:"capslock" - I'm not sure if you read my "dissertation" (the initial posting)....but, I was looking for feedback related to the scenario as indicated (overall). My apologies for not pointing out that I "absolutely" offered an apology (I forget the fact that people ONLINE don't "know" me - I assumed that was understood); Oops!

That was rude. Of course capslock read your post. This post indicates where some of the problems are for your son.

Your son is a problem child, otherwise he would not require this constant correction for obviously bad behavior. Why do you diminish that?
Last edited by BartSimpson on Tue May 15, 2012 12:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Paranoid and It's Driving Me Crazy (Should I Be)-PLEASE

Postby foothills » Tue May 15, 2012 12:45 am

Thanks "capslock" - my concern is that "anything" that my ex can use against me - she will. If she hears about what transpired with my son (from the teacher or even from my son); I can almost certainly expect he'll be on the stand when the trial comes, and the question will be asked:

"Did there ever come a time when S5 was not accounted for - explain the situation."

My question: Given I will have a PRE Investigator, who will do a report, and who I will certainly make know this scenario too - do you think a judge will be hard pressed to buy into my ex's "sure fire argument" that I am not a competent parent, who has my child's best interests in mind?

I'm springing for the Investigator, as I'm pretty certain that her findings will place me in a favorable light....but, my ex will fight to the bitter end....with EVERY breath in her body to prevent me from gaining 50/50 parenting time of our son, and ANY decision making at all.

Clear things up at all?

Thanks!
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Re: Paranoid and It's Driving Me Crazy (Should I Be)-PLEASE

Postby foothills » Tue May 15, 2012 1:08 am

BartSimpson wrote:
foothills wrote:"capslock" - I'm not sure if you read my "dissertation" (the initial posting)....but, I was looking for feedback related to the scenario as indicated (overall). My apologies for not pointing out that I "absolutely" offered an apology (I forget the fact that people ONLINE don't "know" me - I assumed that was understood); Oops!

That was rude. Of course capslock read your post. This post indicates where some of the problems are for your son.

Your son is a problem child, otherwise he would not require this constant correction for obviously bad behavior. Why do you diminish that?


Okay "Bart" I did not see your posting prior to responding to "capslock" - for starters I'm not the one advertising "Bart Simpson showing his "Arss" - so clearly I've got at least a little class. My son plays very well with his classmates - it's the "older" kids that typically come in and try to "Steamroll" the younger guys.....my kid is not "the" Younger Kid to just simply take it. He is a Spirited little guy that has to "learn" how to resolve conflict appropriately - even if his reasoning(s) for engaging in misbehavior can be understood (on a different level). I don't excuse it, which is why I intervened immediately to "nip it in the bud" (did you miss that piece, while you were trolling through posting to further insite conflict and heighten already tense fathers/mothers and posters?).

Be a little considerate and leave the judgment(s) and sniper-fire for the individual on the other side of your situation.

I don't need another NJ to contend with when I come to this board.

Thanks!

P.S. Your posting/response was counter-productive...and for the record...I did "not" see it prior to responding to "capslock" - so, my apology to him, had nothing to do with your perceived protection of our "adult" exchange.

Good Night!
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Re: Paranoid and It's Driving Me Crazy (Should I Be)-PLEASE

Postby foothills » Tue May 15, 2012 1:21 am

capslock -

I do all of the things that you described (ALL of them), to include the chaperoning of field trips for classes that aren't even my S5's; I work in the library, and make myself available for a significant amount of fundraisers for the school. All of this, when I'm the "only" father doing any volunteering in the entire school....or perhaps 1 of "maybe" 3 (but they aren't nearly as helpful and available as I am).

I'm commended by many of the teachers for my work, and I enjoy it....I was once told to make my desire for more time known by volunteering and being present; so that's what I've done/what I do.

The answer to your other questions are:

1. I was arriving at the school to check on needed work in the library and happened to see my son on the playground interacting inappropriately with another student.

2. I pay child-support, so I attribute my support to be a part of whatever schooling is involved. It's not in our Order, but, it's not required either. It was a way to try and prevent me from access (as his preschool did not allow parental participation....and the mistake was made putting him in another private institution thinking that the same school of thought would be employed)....to include the fact that I was not supposed to even be here - my relocation came as a TOTAL unwelcomed shock to my ex and her new beau.

You're right...I need to make myself/my presence stellar again...as we go out of the school year. I want to do it on a good note for certain.

I don't want to "beat a dead horse" about what took place though. I have a good relationship with the entire faculty (principal, secretary's, teachers - of all age groups)...and the kids love me as well.
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Re: Paranoid and It's Driving Me Crazy (Should I Be)-PLEASE

Postby RC411V » Tue May 15, 2012 2:54 am

Your posts are way too long to read completely and Bart knows what he is talking about.
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Re: Paranoid and It's Driving Me Crazy (Should I Be)-PLEASE

Postby Fatheroffour » Tue May 15, 2012 4:46 am

I started reading this thread wanting to help and quickly lost interest.
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