Does it ever end ugh! need advice

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Does it ever end ugh! need advice

Postby devilman13 » Sun May 13, 2012 3:26 pm

So my "wonderful" NJ of a ex and my oldest S15 got in a fight about her wanting to move to GA when both kids turned 18. He quoted her as saying "I cant wait till both you and your brother turn 18 so I can move out of this f***ing town" . Both of my kids like it here regardless of how she feels about it. S15 told her why dont you go now dad will take care of us.

Also S15 is tired of the partying, drinking, drug use, arguing, constant bad mouthing towards me by her. She also has a different man in and out of her house on a weekly basis (supposedly new one is a hotshot lawyer from DC :roll: ) that she met online. Im thinking what in the hell is this a fancy story and he is lying or he is desperate lol.

S15 wants to live with me and S12 is getting tired of her antics and also wants to live with me. I have a CS hearing in August but am thinking that a modification is in order. Both kids are happier here saying its "normal" and stable for them without all the arguing and druggies she hangs out with..

I have primary custody but CS office doesnt see it that way, I also have them Mon 8am till Fri 5pm 208 days to her 157, pay health insurance on them and provide all the clothing, school supplies etc for them. All the while she gets Tenncare, foodstamps, housing, etc because she has lied to the state to get those benefits.

The IRS even agreed with my tax refund for the earned income credit which she tried getting.

What are my chances in court? I want my kids to have a normal stable life not some dysfunctional one.
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Re: Does it ever end ugh! need advice

Postby Fatheroffour » Sun May 13, 2012 3:37 pm

How does she fund her legal battles?

Pro se?
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Re: Does it ever end ugh! need advice

Postby devilman13 » Sun May 13, 2012 3:55 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:How does she fund her legal battles?

Pro se?



As far as I know she didnt pay her lawyer in full for the last modification. She also has bill collectors after her (they call here looking) for unpaid medical bills which Ive estimated to be over 20k and some student loans.

Also I provide health insurance for my kids but she still has Tenncare on them since 9-2010 and Im worried that I will be held responsible for dual coverage although I didnt apply for it. She will take them to the dr and notify me afterwards of doing so without using my insurance.....which I understand to be fraud since I have employee provided insurance paying for my kids
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Re: Does it ever end ugh! need advice

Postby Fatheroffour » Sun May 13, 2012 4:25 pm

Ok. So she's a broke nj, with family not funding her stupidity. If she's paying her legal fees on herback then its time to put her to work.

I'll offer you a controversial strategy I would likely employ if I were in your situation. Controversial because of how it would be viewed here if a mom did it, not because its wrong in your situation.

If I had kids your age that came to me saying they didn't want to go to moms for the reasons stated, I'd talk to them about it, mostly with the teen with the younger child listening.

I'd tell him I agreed with him and ask him what's stopping him. I'd lead him through the discussion of why things are the way they are, how he wants them to be and what would happen if he simply said "I'm not going" when it came time to go to moms. We'd talk about how mom was likely to react, what the police would likely do and how it would play out.

I would basically shift the issue from a modification on my part to an enforcement on her part.

its worthy of consideration and can flesh it out later but if you are going to modify the 15 yo will likely have input somewhere along the line anyway. My personal view in situations like this is to do what you want and force the other side to stop you. This has shown over and over that its easier to do it and get away with it than it is to ask permission and have it granted.
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Re: Does it ever end ugh! need advice

Postby devilman13 » Sun May 13, 2012 4:46 pm

When they were in the argument the other night she called and put her phone on speaker at which time he asked me to come get him and his brother. She would ask me for help (which isnt happening) and interrupt S15 on the matter. I discussed with both kids of the current situation and the consequences of refusing to go to their mothers but told them it is their choice if they want to change it thru a modification and the costs involved ($3250) I told them I would pay for it but asked them if they were absolutely sure they wanted to go ahead with it. S15 is wanting me to but S12 is not fully sure which I can understand but after this latest argument he is leaning that way.

Ex also threatened to call the cops on S15 if he didnt shut up but I told him not to get violent, let her do that and him make the call instead. He told me its hard not to defend himself or get me involved which would only escalate the problem.

From what Ive been hearing from both of my kids is that she could care less about them and just party all the time. Amongst all the lies she has told to Tenncare, IRS, foodstamps, lawyers and judges her time is running out.....just not soon enough :(
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Re: Does it ever end ugh! need advice

Postby minuette » Mon May 14, 2012 3:15 am

partying, drinking, drug use


Do the children witness these things? Have them call 911 the next time she's using in the house.

How are the kids doing in school? How is their attendance/grades on her days vs your days?

Ask a lawyer about the feasibility of an ex parte motion for immediate temporary custody change (you sole, her supervised < parenting time >), based upon her behavior and drug use, with a request for the court to order a reciprocal drug test and a custody evaluation. If you can hit het fast enough and hard enough, she'll be reeling and will have difficulty recovering.

Also, contact Tenncare and explain the situation - fax them a copy of proof of your insurance coverage if needed.
When the world changes around you and changes against you...you have to lean into that and figure out what to do, because complaining isn't a strategy. ~Jeff Bezos
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Re: Does it ever end ugh! need advice

Postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Mon May 14, 2012 9:56 am

Since you're going to court anyway, you'd just as well go all the way. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I trust you've been keeping a journal.

Since August is just around the corner, you can start setting things up immediately. Depending on his will-power, your 15 yr old can move in right now. He's old enough to choose for himself. If cops interfere, he can tell them he'll just move back again. Chances are, they'll leave him alone, especially if you've got a pending motion for custody modification. If push comes to shove, he can tell the judge that too.

If the 15 yr old stands his ground, it stands to reason the 12 yr old will follow shortly. Keep in mind, judges rarely seperate siblings.

Tom
"When you stay ready, you won’t hafta get ready." Russell Wilson, Seahawks QB

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