I need a game plan

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: I need a game plan

Postby SmokinMeanRibz » Wed Apr 25, 2012 2:12 pm

I would never let her win that easy. I would never give up on spending more time with my girl because of lies her mother made up.

I am having anxiety because the allegations are about someone else.

I know NJ is lying. But her lies could have a profound effect on my mom's new husband. (my dad passed away 2 years ago...New stepdad dated mom in high school 35 years ago and got reconnected).

I am going to write an e-mail and a letter objecting to the move and then just take if from there.
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Re: I need a game plan

Postby SmokinMeanRibz » Wed Apr 25, 2012 2:18 pm

FoF - That sounds like it could be effective. However, I think with my NJ I would run the risk of provoking her and her taking a situation to new levels.
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Re: I need a game plan

Postby BartSimpson » Wed Apr 25, 2012 2:42 pm

First of all, "Step-father" is a completely inaccurate term to use for your mother's husband of 2 years, married in their late 50's. He has no parental role with adult children or grandchildren.

Second, this man would be an absolute fool to have any association with your daughter, period. If he has half a brain he should know that, and should be completely supported in excluding himself from your daughter's life. No f-ing polygraph test is going to help him recover from the false accusation of sexual molestation.

He's off the radar, beyond reach, untouchable if he just doesn't have contact with your daughter. That's just reality - you can't fight a nuclear war.
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Re: I need a game plan

Postby SmokinMeanRibz » Wed Apr 25, 2012 3:48 pm

First of all, "Step-father" is a completely inaccurate term to use for your mother's husband of 2 years, married in their late 50's. He has no parental role with adult children or grandchildren.

Second, this man would be an absolute fool to have any association with your daughter, period. If he has half a brain he should know that, and should be completely supported in excluding himself from your daughter's life. No f-ing polygraph test is going to help him recover from the false accusation of sexual molestation.

He's off the radar, beyond reach, untouchable if he just doesn't have contact with your daughter. That's just reality - you can't fight a nuclear war.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I only referred to him as stepfather/step-dad a couple times in order for the reader to not get confused as to who I am talking about. He does not play a parental role. However, I really like the guy. He is a great guy for my mom. They live in the country together on a farm. D3 and "jim" met when D3 was about 1 1/2. Jim is all she will ever know as a "grandfather" figure on my side. My dad loved D3 very much, but unfortunately he died before she could remember him. I have seen the way he takes care of my mom. I have seen the way D3 and jim interact. She voluntarily goes to him and is very comfortable with him. I am more than ok with the idea of D3 associating jim as her grandfather and referring to him as "papa".

You say that he would be an absolute fool to have any association with my daughter. Why? because someone might falsely accuse him of sexual abuse in order to attempt to get around a statute that states she must have my permission to move?
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Re: I need a game plan

Postby BartSimpson » Wed Apr 25, 2012 4:23 pm

SmokinMeanRibz wrote:You say that he would be an absolute fool to have any association with my daughter. Why? because someone might falsely accuse him of sexual abuse in order to attempt to get around a statute that states she must have my permission to move?

Why was that not clear, I was very specific, but I am not linking it to your permissions about her move - you are. Your NJ has gone there - she is considering it - she has pointed a loaded gun at Jim's head. Do you think he should just stick around to find out if she'll pull the trigger?

You appear not to recognize the gravity of a false accusation of sexual abuse. You must have missed the hundreds of posts here about exactly these circumstances, disgruntled ex-wife accuses "Jim" because it fits the stereo-type to a tee; unrelated male adult in the home and having private contact with the child. Defense of these accusations can leave Jim penny-less and suicidal. Do you know what questions they will ask Jim in the polygraph? Take a shot at an obvious one - Do you masturbate?

It is for Jim's personal protection that you cannot involve him with your daughter at this time. If you like Jim as much as you say you do, then you won't place him at risk.
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Re: I need a game plan

Postby Fatheroffour » Wed Apr 25, 2012 5:14 pm

Its an awful thing. Jim can't defend himself in the context of your custody case. If you cut him out iy lends itself to credibility of her half assed claim.

Your ex has taken it to the darkest of all places. On par with cannibalism and she threw her own child under the bus to get there, creating another 'survivor' nj of the future if you don't find a way to shut it down.
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Re: I need a game plan

Postby Trevor » Wed Apr 25, 2012 5:30 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:If you cut him out it lends itself to credibility of her half assed claim.

Disagree on the same grounds that consensus presented our alcoholic poster who claimed that quitting drinking would concede his alcoholism, so he'd limit himself to 1 fewer drink every day.

If Jim does so voluntarily to avoid crushing his wife's son's custody situation via this false claim, it is probably not gonna present much of an issue.

In any case, don't succumb to her extortion.
Dual Parenting, not Duel Parenting.
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Re: I need a game plan

Postby Fatheroffour » Wed Apr 25, 2012 5:34 pm

Agreed. That's how she will spin it though so prepare your arguments accordingly.
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Re: I need a game plan

Postby BartSimpson » Wed Apr 25, 2012 5:36 pm

It's not forever, it's temporary. Certain milestones will be reached and Jim will no longer have a target painted on his junk. Patience and temporary no contact for Jim.

Never explain. It's on the down low - not announced, not mentioned; it just happens he's out when you visit Grandma - his poker night by coincidence. It just happens that you and the kid eat at a restaurant with JIm and Grandma once a month.
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Re: I need a game plan

Postby SmokinMeanRibz » Wed Apr 25, 2012 5:47 pm

Thanks guys,

I understand where you all are coming from.

Bart - I think I misunderstood you. I perceived your original post as meaning that Jim should have never or ever have a relationship with D3. If you are saying that the relationship should probably be scaled back, then I agree with you.

I understand now that I should limit the time D3 spends at mom and jims house. Either way, there has always been a witness around when D3 was up there. Jim and D3 have never been alone together because my mom is always with D3 if I am not.
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