sad in san diego wrote:However, due to circumstances beyond my control I've become disabled and can't work.
Isn't that all the more reason for the father to have 50 percent of the parenting time, so as not to overtax your remaining abilities and allow you the time to develop ways to enhance your remaining abilities, with a goal of returning to the workforce?
(Little people, people living with cerebral palsy and wheelchair users become doctors, lawyers, accountants, teachers and engineers same as the rest of us. Unless the nature of your disability is mental, you've still got plenty of economically productive talent within you.)
sad in san diego wrote::( I don't think that I'm an anomale (excuse me if I spelled it wrong) but I am amongst the few Mom's who care. I'm a mother who's just had a custody hearing with the father of my child. During this hearing I was successful, if that's what you want to call it. However, I left the court room feeling horrible. First of all it took me several years to take my child's father to court, it eventually became necessary that I do so. The type of hearing we had was a default hearing. At the beginning of the proceedings the Magistrate explained how we came to the point a default hearing. I have only one child and never have been involved in these type of proceedings. Although my child's father has been inappropriate in the way he has dealt with custody and support in regards to me, I didn't think the judge wouldn't allow him to speak at all. I never went to court to anihilate him, all I wanted was fairness and clarity on the things that he should provide for my child with respect to < parenting time >, insurance & support. This is going down a road I didn't want it to and didn't think it would go. During the reading of the order, I could see the hurt and anger in my child's father's face, which is never what I wanted. I knew this wouldn't be a cake walk but this is different in what I had envisioned and what was told to me may happen.
This is all going to affect my daughter as he isn't communicating with her at this time. He won't call her because that means he might have to speak with me because she's still a minor. If she attempts to call him he won't answer, because of course my number will show up & he doesn't want to answer for fear it's me that's calling.
What I want to know now is, where do I go from here for my daughter's sake? I want to know how to make this better for my child's future because we have many more years to go before I can be removed. Dad's I want to be fair!!!
I would love insight legally and from a Dad's perspective, please.
How about calling parenting time PARENTING time not < parenting time >? By referring to it as < parenting time > it takes away from Dad being a PARENT and yes kids do pick up on this!
sad in san diego wrote::( I don't think that I'm an anomale (excuse me if I spelled it wrong) but I am amongst the few Mom's who care.
Care about what, exactly?
Successful how, exactly?
Bear in mind that - for whatever reason - a no or poor relationship with her father growing up ups the odds of your daughters involvement in drugs, academic failure, crime and failed relationships with trailer trash by an order of magnitude. If this is ok with you, then you are just where you need to be.
If you want your daughter to have a happy future, then you need to think about how you got to this point and what you are willing to do for the sake of your daughter and her future. She's all you've got. If you are disabled, then your chances of another LT relationship are vanishingly small.
So what efforts are you willing to make on behalf of her future?
I suggest you write him a letter and an email and tell him how you feel. Something like this:
I feel really bad about what happened in court and it was not my intention to put you into an unfair position. My primary goal is to have our daughter enjoy both her mother and her father in her life. At this point, she's totally missing out on the love she needs from her father and I want to fix that.
I'd like to propose we go to a 50/50 parenting plan. This will reduce or even perhaps eliminate your child support payments and recognize the important role you have in our child's life. If this isn't good for you, why don't you tell me how you'd like to fix this situation. Its not fair to you, and its not fair to our daughter. I think that if we can work together, in time we can learn to co-parent. The way things are now, I can understand how justifiably upset you are, which makes working together to raise our child impossible.
If we can work out a plan that is acceptable to you, we can notarize it and take it to the court to have it ratified.
I counted eight times that you referred to "my child" or "my daughter" rather than "our child". You might want to think about that - even if you never say anything like that to Dad, if that's what you're constantly thinking the message is no doubt coming through loud and clear.
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