Talk me out of abandoning my kids

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Re: Talk me out of abandoning my kids

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:32 am

You're still not explaining how abandoning your kids will relieve you of your financial burden.
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Re: Talk me out of abandoning my kids

Unread postby Oneforthree » Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:01 am

i spent A YEAR negotiating an agreement with her, and now she has broken it just to torture me. I fell like I did my best. I have beenthru hell for the last 2 years "hanging in there".

My story exactly, and also many others on this board have similar stories. Don't let the 2 year investment go to waste. Never forget what seems the easy way now often is nothing but regret later.

She is just a lying, manipulative vindictive, viscious person. I am tired of being drawn into that. Its BS. I want to put my attention back on creating my business and having fun. How am I going to do that when I have a financial boat anchor around my neck?

You have a choice. Do not give her the power to do this. Do not "become" that person she "wants" you to be. Do not prove she is right. Choose yourself. Choose your children. Choose your new life. You can have a great balance of joy and responsibility with your career, new relationships, personal development and your children. Anything that has worth "costs" even if it is in blood, sweat and tears. Do not give away the most valuable thing in your life.
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Re: Talk me out of abandoning my kids

Unread postby Hawaii50 » Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:25 am

Due to international convention and treaty, there are like 5 countries where you can escape child support payments due in the US. None of these countries are English speaking. Do you know Chinese??
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Re: Talk me out of abandoning my kids

Unread postby SmokinMeanRibz » Thu Apr 12, 2012 8:49 am

I'm rarely the one giving advice but I'll give it a shot since I share some of your emotions - more so in the past than now.

I have had to mentally detach from the idea that my ex will ever have a conscience. She will never see things my way. She will never want to work with me. She will always want to control me. She will use our daughter to the best of her ability against me and always claim that whatever she says is "the best interest of the child". She has convinced herself that anything that contradicts her way of thinking is "outside of the best interest of the child".

Luckily I escaped from her with very little financial ramifications.

What I have come to believe is that you, me and many other men on this forum deal with SOCIOPATHS on a daily basis. I had once heard a vague definition of a sociopath and shrugged it of. But I have recently began to research the very real mental disorder of "Antisocial Personality Disorder" aka Sociopathy. It affects a great deal of people and judging from the behavior of your ex, it seems like she fits the mold.

I googled sociopath one day and was returned with a 25 bullet-point list of the traits describing one. I couldn't believe that I could site specific examples straight out of my journal that fit each criterion.

So once I "diagnosed" my ex with ASPD, I changed my thinking from hoping she would just "wake up and be normal and cooperative" to "how do I deal with a sociopath".

Once you understand the way a person thinks, you can expect how they are going to react and sometimes you can even be steps ahead of them.

Every morning you wake up, remind yourself that your kids are what you live for. You see them. The times you are with them are the times that you are a positive aspect in their life. It may be a constant fight, but eventually your loving actions will neutralize the poison of a vindictive NJ. Your kids are young. You have a lot of time to be dad. One thing that will speak volumes of them for the rest of their life is if you are not only a positive, active role model - but you NEVER speak poorly of their mother. Even if it takes 15 years, it will click. "Mom only spoke poorly of dad but dad never spoke poorly of mom. Dad was great to me despite having to deal with the workings of mom."

People that stive to make others miserable are miserable inside. Even if on the outside they seem pleasant and charming. DO NOT let her make you miserable.

I'm speaking to you and myself with everything I type brother.
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Re: Talk me out of abandoning my kids

Unread postby Bubba Seal » Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:46 am

I think as a father you should stay and be a part of your kids lives growing up, no matter what the ex does, or says, if its not true then just prove it wrong by the way youlive your life.

Believe me in my deal there were times when I just wanted to walk away from everything, but that is a fantasy, you will hurt your children far more by leaving than staying, I think most on here would agree with that.

You can always make more money, you only get one shot at being a part of your kids lives.

Another suggestion would be to get some personal therapy, you say you are over your ex, and feel nothing, but your whole way of referring to her is just filled with hate, that just doesnt add up to, Ive been there and I know where your head is, stay in the game for your kids, whatever it cost monetarily.
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Re: Talk me out of abandoning my kids

Unread postby Groundhogday » Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:56 am

I have certainly been in your shoes. There were many times over the past year that I felt ready to give up and walk away. I've been paying full child support (though my wife makes more than me when she bothers to work) PLUS taking care of the kids almost half of the time PLUS paying large attorney fees PLUS working overtime to survive financially PLUS spending huge amounts of time/energy on the legal battle for custody, child support, etc... The deck seemed stacked against me with a judge who assumes mothers are parents and fathers are paychecks.

At times this all felt overwhelming and I wanted to sell the house, move away, just pay the child support and be done with it. It clearly would have been the best option financially. All I can say is that with a light at the end of the tunnel I sure am glad I didn't walk away from my kids. Doing that would have scarred them and me for the rest of our lives. In my darkest hours, family and close friends kept me sane. I hope you can find confidants to help deal with these difficult emotions.
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Re: Talk me out of abandoning my kids

Unread postby tsawyer » Thu Apr 12, 2012 12:14 pm

You need to be a dad to your children. Building up a new business and having fun, isn't going to mean a damn thing in the end. I promise you; you will regret the decision.

You also will not get out of being financially responsible for your children. Moving to another country will only delay CS for a short time. It is highly likely you will be forced to pay CS even if in another country. At least any country that would be worth moving to.

I think you should get an attorney, a good attorney, and procede with not being a pu$$y and rolling over.
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Re: Talk me out of abandoning my kids

Unread postby Chris A » Thu Apr 12, 2012 3:25 pm

If she has all this money and you have no income why would she not pay you support and alamony?
“Women can fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
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Re: Talk me out of abandoning my kids

Unread postby ScoutLeaderDad » Thu Apr 12, 2012 3:47 pm

I feel your pain, but keep going. Keep fighting. Your kids need you now and in their life. Especially, if they are under the influence of a NJ. The stuff going on today...right now....will get better. You have many years for this to unfold with your kids. Be positive.

I have not even had my temporary hearing to decide custody and who is out of the house, and it has been a freaking roller coast. It would have been sooooo much easier to move out, take EOW to alleviate an uncomfortable situation for "me." But, for my situation, this is not about me. It is about my son. It is about fighting with every fact I have that I am the best parent. To beg, borrow or "appropriate" every penny I can to pony up for legal costs.

I have no idea how this is going to turn out. I may still get EOW and a biased court screw job. But, I will have known I have tried. And, one day, I will be able to look my son in the eye and tell him that with a clear heart and concious.

For those of you that have fought the good fight and won, thank you. Everytime I read one of those stories on here, it gives me more motivation.

But, sux.
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Re: Talk me out of abandoning my kids

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:30 pm

You need to vent? That's fine. Need a kick in the < hindquarters >? That's fine too.

If you really need to be talked out of abandoning your 2 and 3 year old kids I'd have to question what good you are to them if you stay.
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