Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

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Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Lion1234 » Thu Jan 18, 2018 11:06 am

Continuing from viewtopic.php?f=4&t=80114

Story so far:

Moved back 12 days ago. Kids are happy - spending as much time with them as possible.

My request for 50/50 custody was met with "I am ok with that"

Since we cannot file until September (NJ residency requirements), how can I legally lock this in? I don't think a "contract" of sort will work here.

Of course, same question applies to asset division as well, not just the custody.
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Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby lionel2013 » Thu Jan 18, 2018 11:27 am

how can I legally lock this in? I don't think a "contract" of sort will work here.


You are correct, you cannot lock this in yet. You need a court order for that, and as long as you can't file you won't have one.

All you can do is hope your wife doesn't get "great advice" from "well-meaning friends" that will make her change her mind.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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Re: Moving back in

Unread postby dadforever » Thu Jan 18, 2018 12:12 pm

She now has 0 access to $, correct?
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Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Lion1234 » Thu Jan 18, 2018 1:23 pm

more or less. just a few dollars in the joint acct to satisfy the auto debits that cannot be cancelled at this point.

she still has her credit cards.
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Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby lionel2013 » Thu Jan 18, 2018 1:35 pm

Lion1234 wrote:more or less. just a few dollars in the joint acct to satisfy the auto debits that cannot be cancelled at this point.

she still has her credit cards.


Careful there, although I'm not sure there's much you can do about it. As soon as papers are filed her debt becomes yours too and vice-versa. Eventually, the judge may very well decide to hold her liable for her own credit cards, but it is not guaranteed. You might consider talking to her about that, with the hope she gets the message and becomes more prudent with spending.
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Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Thu Jan 18, 2018 2:32 pm

Lion1234 wrote:Since we cannot file until September (NJ residency requirements).....

What's the residency requirement for NJ?

Something to think about: Compared to many other states, NJ is brutal on fathers.
What is your previous state of residency?? Have you thought about filing there??
Or, are you currently "stateless??" <<< .....if such a thing exists.

Tom
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Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Lion1234 » Thu Jan 18, 2018 2:45 pm

We can't file in NY since we don't live there anymore. we can't file in NJ since we haven't been here for 1 year yet.

If we file in either state, technically we'd be committing fraud upon the court. Even if we both agree to it.

Edit:

By "brutal on fathers" do you mean a potential permanent alimony? Or something else?
Last edited by Lion1234 on Thu Jan 18, 2018 5:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Lion1234 » Thu Jan 18, 2018 2:46 pm

lionel2013 wrote:Careful there, although I'm not sure there's much you can do about it. As soon as papers are filed her debt becomes yours too and vice-versa. Eventually, the judge may very well decide to hold her liable for her own credit cards, but it is not guaranteed. You might consider talking to her about that, with the hope she gets the message and becomes more prudent with spending.


She knows about the debt. She's completely irrational, no talking to her right now. she called the bank and told them I fraudulently transferred the money from fidelity, so the bank froze ALL the cash in my account. Now we have $3K left to live on.

Meanwhile, she's charging her CC as before. Unless the bank unblocks the account, I am not sure how she plans to pay the bills.

Complete insanity.
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Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Lion1234 » Thu Jan 18, 2018 10:33 pm

Well, if I had to do it over again, I would just withdraw the money in cash and deposit it into several accounts in a several different banks. Not 100% sure they couldn't trace it, but it would take longer.
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Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Thu Jan 18, 2018 11:41 pm

Lion1234 wrote:We can't file in NY since we don't live there anymore. we can't file in NJ since we haven't been here for 1 year yet.
Have you talked to a NY attorney??

Lion1234 wrote:If we file in either state, technically we'd be committing fraud upon the court.
Who is telling you this??

Lion1234 wrote:By "brutal on fathers" do you mean a potential permanent alimony? Or something else?
Everything else!! And by that, I mean EVERYTHING!!.....alimony and so much more. For example:

- Unless your kids join the military; Child support 'til age 21 or until such time as your children become fully self-supporting or until the court says otherwise.

- With kids away in college, CS still goes to mother so she can maintain household expenses. Even though kids have attained age of majority, she is still custodial parent. Kids' address for school purposes is still her house.

- Unless she agrees otherwise, you're responsible to pay for college - including advanced degrees.

Have you talked to a NJ attorney??

How long have you been married??

IMHO - Ditch the house you're building. Move back to NY. From what I've heard, you're chances for 50/50 are much better in up-state NY than in NJ.

Tom
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