Divorce, house, etc.

Get financial tips on divorce and asset division including child support laws, property division, and divorce settlements.

Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby Trevor » Fri Jan 05, 2018 9:25 am

Massie you're missing the point too.

Leo is assuming already that he's not going to be living where the kids live, after the divorce. I am trying to make a subtle, perhaps psychological, point about a mindset that can be exploited easily by OC - Dad by default is not the primary residence post divorce.

I was trying to lead OP to realize this himself.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 23857
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 10:04 am

that we agree on Trev
Trevor wrote:a mindset that can be exploited easily by OC - Dad by default is not the primary residence post divorce.

I see what your saying though. OP has been conditioned already, my guess his STBX has been planning this for some time. Hopefully by OP standing up for his rights as a father, will change the dynamic.
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1793
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 10:22 am

I'll just reply to everyone at once.

Yes, i am probably too fixated on her feelings. I don't really care about the feelings she might have, her reactions to what I do, but I don't want the kids to be affected. I don't want them to see their mother be upset, cry, or whatever else she might do. I can't control it, but i am sensitive to them seeing it. So that's that.

I will move back today and let her know.

I plan to get a place of my own eventually, I don't want to keep the house, but if it plays out that way, we will see. Meanwhile, we'll be staying in the apartment, but if she's not playing ball with the settlement, i believe come February I would move with them.

I know full well she won't cooperate, she can only grind her teeth and swallow it. Hopefully, nothing stupid will be done, like calling the police and getting the TRO. I won't worry about it right now, nothing I can do but to record everything, right?

One thing, she's burning through our cash at a much faster rate. I already moved out some, just for safekeeping. We are over the budget by about 20% and will have maybe 40K left when the place is finished, not 100K like she told me two weeks ago. I checked her calculations in the ledger, and 2+2 does NOT equal 4. She doesn't get the situation, completely fixated on the damn house. Nothing I can say at this point will make her see the danger she put us all in. Just plowing along like nothing else matters.

Wish me luck, going there in a couple.
User avatar
Lion1234
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 11:44 am

why not move out all the cash now and explain to a judge later - your honor, I thought it prudent to safeguard the marital assets vice trying to recuperate my share down the road.

Why not do that right now? Why give her the funding to fight you?
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1793
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 1:29 pm

Most of it is already spoken for, credit cards, contractor, etc. I could move the remainder, but then I would just have to pay the bills myself.

Apartment is a mess. No time to clean I guess. Can’t understand who is going to look after the pets.
User avatar
Lion1234
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby Havalu7 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 1:54 pm

Pay the bills yourself.
"No." is a complete sentence.
Do not move out of your house.
What are you grateful for?
User avatar
Havalu7
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1910
Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2016 10:43 am

Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 1:59 pm

So it’s the control thing? She’ll use her CC anyway.
User avatar
Lion1234
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby Chaos » Fri Jan 05, 2018 2:05 pm

Dude, cancel the cards. It's not a control thing, it's preventing her from blowing all your money.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
User avatar
Chaos
Moderator
 
Posts: 2827
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:21 pm

Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 2:16 pm

They are her cards, in her name only. I can’t cancel them.
User avatar
Lion1234
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 3:05 pm

where does she get cash? a checking account? savings account? Trust? Where does that come from and can you turn off her access 100%?
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1793
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

PreviousNext

Return to Finances & Divorce Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: SoxFan1986 and 5 guests