Divorce, house, etc.

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Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 9:58 pm

you are going to do what you feel is best, I get that and going against the grain sometimes. However, as pointed out, its ok to have empathy, but you constantly wonder/worry/capt'n white knight it. So are you 100% sure you want a divorce?

Because after all this time spend a lot of time wondering what/how/where she will do things and you "exactly" how it will play out, yet constantly refute very logical reasons the stimulus is there in the first place......divorce! Its good that you are coming here and engaging and you are getting called out for obsessing over it.
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Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby Lion1234 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 10:09 pm

I am 100% sure I do not want a divorce. But I've accepted it and am ready for it.

As I said, I don't want to hurt her or the children if I don't have to. If i can get to the same result by doing things in a way that minimizes the impact, I will likely take it. Unless it goes against what I myself need.

I do understand one thing from this forum - I need to be in control. This is where I am trying to get to right now. Tomorrow i will make my return home. New chapter after that I would imagine.
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Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 10:22 pm

you mention your STBX before your kids. Not trying to judge, just pointing out that under duress you fall back on old patterns.

Where are you in terms of self help?

- Fitness?
- Emotional inteligence?
- Routine post divorce
- New hobbies?
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Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby Lion1234 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 11:39 pm

I feel terrible about what this is doing to them. I don't talk about them, doesn't mean I don't care or think about them.

The rest...I am fine physically, actually in a better shape than before. Just don't sleep much. Never did anyway, usually got by on 4-5 hours tops.

Something I always wanted to do is to learn how to cook. I can cook, but not at the level I want to be at. Once I get my own place, I'll get into it. Finding a place close by is a priority, not easy over in that area, especially in the winter. And a job, preferably not in the office.
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Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby Trevor » Fri Jan 05, 2018 12:14 am

Don't you already have your own place? Conceding something already? [Rhet.]
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 2:36 am

Post divorce I mean
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Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 7:39 am

Your missing the point, nobody thinks you don't care about your kids, actually the opposite. You care so much, you are willing to correct a mistake, that's big.

What I'm saying is, your too fixated on your STBX. You know it's over but are struggling to accept it, and you constantly circle back to putting her needs over yours. She is playing on your guilt. She thought you moving out was best for the kids? How so? How is not having their dad around during the most impactful time in their lives a good idea for anyone but her? She was unaware of the impacts? That right their tells you what she thinks of you and your role as dad, expendable. Your value was and is only an ATM.

But you wanted to see the look on her face when she finally stood up to her, interesting....
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Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Fri Jan 05, 2018 7:47 am

Lion1234 wrote:I do understand one thing from this forum - I need to be in control.

You need a game plan, and to always be closing with that plan. You can't control your wife or compel her to cooperate. You can provide her incentives to get your desired outcome. Understand the difference?
The only way out is through.
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Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby Trevor » Fri Jan 05, 2018 9:16 am

Lion1234 wrote:Post divorce I mean

The default then is you out of the house that the kids occupy, is that it? Are you starting to see the point? This is a huge concession and weakness that is easily exploited.
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Re: Divorce, house, etc.

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 9:19 am

OP is moving back in this week Trev, part of the huge step OP made correcting a fatal mistake.
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