If you had time ahead, what would you do?

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If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby calihome » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:00 pm

Married 8 yrs w/ 2 young kids.

Sole owner of a small business (created a few months before legally married but operated throughout the marriage)

Wife is stay at home after being layed off a couple yrs ago.

House w/ 250k equity; couple of cars w/ no debt.

1 shared personal bank account; the rest are either my personal or my biz accounts which she doesn't have access to (200k between them all). No other assets.

State = California

Not to get into specifics with the relationship; I am just unhappy and am sticking around due to the kids. If no kids (or at least they were older) I would've been gone. That being said; I would like to position myself the best of my ability before filing and wanted to see your thoughts on a sound strategy. Maybe any pointers that can bend the rules/laws w/o breaking any. What would you do if you were in my situation if you had 12 months to plan?
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby Chaos » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:02 pm

Get her back to work.

How old are your kids?
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:02 pm

What are your goals?
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby TJinCA » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:05 pm

Honestly, if it were me and there were young kids in the picture I think I'd:

1. Try counseling to see if between my wife and me we could make a better marriage

2. Failing that, suck it up and make the best of it - "for better or worse..."

3. Failing that, not focus on "bending the rules/laws" but rather on getting to a fair settlement with a minimum of argument.
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby calihome » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:05 pm

6 and 1

Chaos wrote:Get her back to work.

How old are your kids?
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby calihome » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:07 pm

Joint legal and physical custody of both kids.

Minimize the financial blow from a liquid asset and alimony/child support perspective.

The house obv I know 50% of proceeds and she can have the "nice" car of the 2.

Fatheroffour wrote:What are your goals?
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby Chaos » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:11 pm

TJinCA wrote:Honestly, if it were me and there were young kids in the picture I think I'd:

1. Try counseling to see if between my wife and me we could make a better marriage

2. Failing that, suck it up and make the best of it - "for better or worse..."

3. Failing that, not focus on "bending the rules/laws" but rather on getting to a fair settlement with a minimum of argument.


That's a great answer.

calihome wrote:Joint legal and physical custody of both kids.

Minimize the financial blow from a liquid asset and alimony/child support perspective.

The house obv I know 50% of proceeds and she can have the "nice" car of the 2.

Fatheroffour wrote:What are your goals?


Getting her back to work should be a priority. If you're not already doing half the work of caring for the kids, that's something to work on. She's at home and you're working, so it's going to be harder for you to do that, but if you want 50/50 physical, the time is now.
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:20 pm

What do you mean you would have "been gone"?

Agree with slowly ramping up your role to at least 50/50. What's the conversation like when you broach her going back to work?
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby calihome » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:31 pm

She doesn't want to or won't. Luckily she doesn't know anything about our finances so I could tell her my biz is starting to struggle and try to get her back to work.

massdad1234 wrote:What do you mean you would have "been gone"?

Agree with slowly ramping up your role to at least 50/50. What's the conversation like when you broach her going back to work?
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby calihome » Tue Dec 26, 2017 2:32 pm

Been gone = Would have filed long ago


massdad1234 wrote:What do you mean you would have "been gone"?

Agree with slowly ramping up your role to at least 50/50. What's the conversation like when you broach her going back to work?
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