If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Get financial tips on divorce and asset division including child support laws, property division, and divorce settlements.

Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby nr552 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 7:45 pm

I took a 401K loan, 50% of my balance 2 months before I filed for divorce. (I didn't know I was going to file for divorce at the time).

During division of assets/debts, she was on the hook for 1/2 of that loan. Her attorney was pissed. "What did you do with the money?" -- he asked. I replied "I spent it on my lawyer retainer, and I paid bills that your client left me with including 2 months rent, and I used the rest as a deposit/first months rent for my new place to live, plus I spent a weekend in Las Vegas." ---> The cashier's check was in my father's safe for over a year. My Dad spotted me the $$$ to get on my feet. I repaid him AFTER the divorce was finalized.

It's not illegal to take a loan out as a married couple (and you don't need the other person's permission).

The QDRO was a complete joke-- Her dad paid $3k on an attorney; I simply contacted my employer's 401k department, they did all the work. My ex got about $2200 after everything was completed.

I don't advise doing what I did, but it worked. --

Regarding CA marriage-- one thing that no one has brought up-- once you hit 10 years+ you are looking at potentially a lot more spousal support; longer that 1/2 the length of the marriage if your STBX doesn't want to agree to it (the duration is left up to the court/judge to decide). Right now you're looking at 4-4.5 years max.

Work on your marriage if you can, otherwise, don't play around with your finances, get a good lawyer, start a journal, read the list, etc.
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Fri Jan 05, 2018 8:03 am

OP: You aren't smarter than the judges and attorneys that have decades of collected wisdom with the process. They've seen all the shenanigans you've outlined. Getting her working before divorce is served will be much more beneficial for you. If you haven't already, go plug in your numbers into Dissomaster to see how much child support you'll be paying with her working compared to her not working. Do the same with the spousal support calculator. Now extrapolate that out for several years. Even with the Gavron Warning and Order of Richmond, she can drag her feet for years at your expense.
The only way out is through.
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby TJinCA » Fri Jan 05, 2018 10:38 am

calihome wrote:Yes; but I need to be careful with this b/c we are not at the D stage yet. I am spending the next 12 mos better situating myself before that occurs; and a "cutting off" type of behavior may tip my hand or accelerate the process.


There are probably ways to position yourself better without necessarily tipping off that you plan to bolt. Tell her that you've become a Dave Ramsey devotee. Dave says you should cut up all of your credit cards and both of you should be economizing wherever you can and both bringing in as much income as you can so you can attack your debt snowball and become debt-free, so then you can accumulate wealth to enjoy in retirement.

If you're managing the finances you can find ways to reduce her access to funds without necessarily letting her know that it's in preparation for divorce. But it's your responsibility to be a good steward of your resources and provide an honest accounting so when the divorce eventually happens you can craft a fair settlement.
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