If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Get financial tips on divorce and asset division including child support laws, property division, and divorce settlements.

Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby nr552 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 7:45 pm

I took a 401K loan, 50% of my balance 2 months before I filed for divorce. (I didn't know I was going to file for divorce at the time).

During division of assets/debts, she was on the hook for 1/2 of that loan. Her attorney was pissed. "What did you do with the money?" -- he asked. I replied "I spent it on my lawyer retainer, and I paid bills that your client left me with including 2 months rent, and I used the rest as a deposit/first months rent for my new place to live, plus I spent a weekend in Las Vegas." ---> The cashier's check was in my father's safe for over a year. My Dad spotted me the $$$ to get on my feet. I repaid him AFTER the divorce was finalized.

It's not illegal to take a loan out as a married couple (and you don't need the other person's permission).

The QDRO was a complete joke-- Her dad paid $3k on an attorney; I simply contacted my employer's 401k department, they did all the work. My ex got about $2200 after everything was completed.

I don't advise doing what I did, but it worked. --

Regarding CA marriage-- one thing that no one has brought up-- once you hit 10 years+ you are looking at potentially a lot more spousal support; longer that 1/2 the length of the marriage if your STBX doesn't want to agree to it (the duration is left up to the court/judge to decide). Right now you're looking at 4-4.5 years max.

Work on your marriage if you can, otherwise, don't play around with your finances, get a good lawyer, start a journal, read the list, etc.
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Fri Jan 05, 2018 8:03 am

OP: You aren't smarter than the judges and attorneys that have decades of collected wisdom with the process. They've seen all the shenanigans you've outlined. Getting her working before divorce is served will be much more beneficial for you. If you haven't already, go plug in your numbers into Dissomaster to see how much child support you'll be paying with her working compared to her not working. Do the same with the spousal support calculator. Now extrapolate that out for several years. Even with the Gavron Warning and Order of Richmond, she can drag her feet for years at your expense.
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby TJinCA » Fri Jan 05, 2018 10:38 am

calihome wrote:Yes; but I need to be careful with this b/c we are not at the D stage yet. I am spending the next 12 mos better situating myself before that occurs; and a "cutting off" type of behavior may tip my hand or accelerate the process.


There are probably ways to position yourself better without necessarily tipping off that you plan to bolt. Tell her that you've become a Dave Ramsey devotee. Dave says you should cut up all of your credit cards and both of you should be economizing wherever you can and both bringing in as much income as you can so you can attack your debt snowball and become debt-free, so then you can accumulate wealth to enjoy in retirement.

If you're managing the finances you can find ways to reduce her access to funds without necessarily letting her know that it's in preparation for divorce. But it's your responsibility to be a good steward of your resources and provide an honest accounting so when the divorce eventually happens you can craft a fair settlement.
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby calihome » Thu Jan 18, 2018 1:30 pm

Re-read the "list" and there are a lot of helpful tips in there, many of which seem to border legality as it states this is a dirty war.

That being said; had a thought come up and wondering are credit card statements evaluated in depth during the process? We both use our shared CC, which is around 3-5k/mo and it's paid off pretty much every month. So; what if I was to start getting a cash advance of around 1k per month just before I pay off the monthly statement?

Would that be a good way to take some cash out to stash, since she is aware that I just pay it off every month for our household items?

Also; I remembered I had an old business bank account with about 15k in it that I gave to my sibling a year ago to help with burdensome student debt. Can a year old closed business bank account be discovered and 1/2 of that money would need to be owed?

Aside from competing for father of the year at home, any other tips one can help with in my situation?
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby afc » Thu Jan 18, 2018 1:48 pm

As long as wherever you put that cash is disclosed when asked.

Just Do Not Lie to the Court.


It can and has backfired.
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Thu Jan 18, 2018 2:10 pm

That credit card is your #1 weakness. At the same time, it's also NJ's leash on you. It leaves a paper trail. Month by month, NJ knows your every move. You and I both know her attorney will track your every expenditure during discovery.

Like The List says, pay with cash.

calihome wrote:Would that be a good way to take some cash out to stash.....??
How 'bout not using credit cards at all?? Use legal tender instead.

calihome wrote:Re-read the "list".....
Re-read it again.
The List is not necessarily about do's and don't's. It's more about principles, concepts, and strategies (yes, that would include tactics and maneuvers) that can be applied to a myriad of situations.

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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby TJinCA » Thu Jan 18, 2018 2:48 pm

calihome wrote:
any other tips one can help with in my situation?


Just the same one I've been trying to reinforce all along - stop trying to figure out new and creative ways to steal money from your wife.
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Jan 18, 2018 4:11 pm

Do you use it for business, or is it that you simply charge everything every month in order to rack up points?

Note: the status quo of spending will likely be baked into any divorce orders.

Why not curtail spending and undergo austerity measures in the home?

Does she work FT?
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Re: If you had time ahead, what would you do?

Unread postby TJinCA » Thu Jan 18, 2018 4:39 pm

calihome wrote:Also; I remembered I had an old business bank account with about 15k in it that I gave to my sibling a year ago to help with burdensome student debt. Can a year old closed business bank account be discovered and 1/2 of that money would need to be owed?


It probably depends on how motivated they are to crawl up your backside on financial matters. I don't think there's any requirement for you to voluntarily disclose accounts that were closed prior to filing for divorce. But if they find the account and start asking what happened to the money you may need to have an answer.

If the money was marital property (sounds like it is) and you really did give (not lend) it to your sib then I think it would be considered that you and your wife equally gave them the money. In that case you're clean on that, shouldn't be any disclosure necessary.

If the money was a loan and you have reasonable expectation of repayment then it may be that you should list that loan as an asset and count the asset as part of property division.
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