Divorce while building a house

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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Lion1234 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 12:35 pm

I hear you and I agree with what you are saying.

First off, I want to avoid the trial at all costs. I don't know what the judge will decide and I don't want to leave it to someone who follows some legal guidelines. We both agree on it.

I have decided to move back in Friday or perhaps Thursday. I have no idea what she might do, but I don't want her emotions cause us harm beyond what we are already going through. When I moved out 2 months ago, it was based purely on my state of mind at the time. I realized very soon it was a mistake, but I needed to get my head on straight so I could think and do some research into the whole matter. She has many options, but I no longer care what she might do. Until I come back I won't know her next move. I don't care either, there is nothing I can do about that, I just don't want to scramble and have to come up with a response, so I am preparing myself. I believe, I've now prepared myself with respect to any legal options available to her.

The whole thing with not being able to file until the next September, that applies to me as well. I have to be ready for the status quo to remain until then. She can file for support before then though, but since she has access to all the assets, I don't know what good it will do for her.

My concern right now are the kids. It was heartbreaking when I dropped off my little one Thursday and he wouldn't let go of me and cried.

Then there is the matter of the damn house. I already know she won't capitulate, at least not easily. She claims its for the kids, and I mostly agree with her, but I will not have them move just to move out a short time later when the money runs out. I have assets to carry it for many years, but in the split these would be mine to keep, at least as I plan to divide our assets. The thing is a 1 bedroom apartment in this area costs nearly as much as the house would cost and we can't move because of the schools. Schools are the only reason we moved here is the first place. Keeping 2 1 bedroom apartments, as we would have to in a 50/50, would cost more than the house. But it's neither here nor there.

You are all correct in saying I can't let her dictate the terms. I want to have the strongest case possible if we do end up in court, but I don't want to end up in court. Neither does she.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby massdad1234 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 1:00 pm

bro - she wants you to fund her stabbing cabin, point blank.

Your fear of trial and the courts will be your undoing, she knows this. Things have changed in the past decade. There is nothing legally stoppping you from getting at least 50/50........unless you allow the mother to bully you.

If she wants the house, what will she give you in return? If she wants it so bad, draw up temp orders with you having 50/50 and have them signed off on.

Can you not file from your previous state and have it transfered?

Brother, the other side is everyone but you. Expect to be treated with disdain, expect to be called a monster, expect to be accused of wanting to get out of child support, expect all these things. At the end of the day, unless you are beating your children (there is an actual record of it) you shouldn't accept less than 50/50.

You have every legal reason to be there. BUT, you of all people should have a DVR on your person to prevent a false DV charge. She already got you out of the house once, and she knows you are scared of taking this the distance and going to the mats.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Lion1234 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 1:18 pm

The only way we can file before 1 year in NJ, is to claim we moved when we bought the house (Jan 2017). There are too many tracks that say otherwise. House was knocked down, permits were obtained in town for construction, kids went to school in NY, I paid taxes in NY, etc. We can't file in NY since we already moved out.

She is equally "afraid" of going to trial. I think anyone can agree trial is not the best option in a divorce.

She will likely agree to 50/50, she wanted time until next week to look into what it means, as I said, she didn't do any research, let everything to me.

The way I worked out the asset split, I keep my IRA and brokerage acct, she gets the rest, including the house. It's about equally divided this way, but the house cannot be appraised until it's completed (4-6 weeks). Even if she gets slightly more, I am ok with that.

But for the life of me I can't understand how she plans to pay for it. She needs net $6000/month for living expenses, house, car, food, etc. I can't possibly cover her shortfall of $4500/month, I would need ~$3500/month for my own expenses. $8000/month, plus any expenses that I would need for kids in a 50/50 situation.

I have 2 DVRs at this point. Recorded about 5 hours so, far. I won't talk to her on the phone at all.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Chaos » Sat Dec 30, 2017 2:14 pm

Have you ever watched a hearing? This isn't something too be afraid of.

Fact is, you aren't going to trial, almost no one does, but you should absolutely be willing to.

It would be really good for you to read other people's threads, and go watch some hearings.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Lion1234 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 2:30 pm

I have read nearly every post on this forum. Including ones that say to go to court and see how it works. I have not done that, not yet. Once i move back to NJ, I can go to court and watch.

I don't want to leave anything to chance, regardless of whether the odds in my favor. We both agree trial needs to be avoided, but might not be. She knows the chances of her keeping the house are slimmer with the trial.

I believe we are not being unreasonable to each other at this point, but once I move back in, it's a crap shoot.

Once she replies to my custody request/offer, we will see what's next. Parenting plan, etc. She needs to understand the house is likely going to be sold. She can scrape some money together, sell her mother's place, borrow from friends, and pay off the mortgage, but that's just shifting the debt and I won't be responsible for that. I need to stop any ideas she's entertaining on this subject. This is what I am going to do once the custody is signed off.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Chaos » Sat Dec 30, 2017 2:34 pm

Where do you currently live?

ETA: the jurisdiction thing in Jersey is so weird, I've been trying to figure out a way around it. Can you guys file in your old state if you still live there? Would that stop you from moving back?
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Lion1234 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 2:49 pm

I am in NY while I look for a place in NJ. She and the kids are in NJ. I kept all my addresses, credit cards, etc. in NJ.

It is weird, other than 1 year requirement in NJ, everything else is kind of open to interpretation. We are supposed to be residents of NY to file here. Am I such a resident if I am simply staying with my family temporarily? I don't know. Lawyers told me we can only file in NJ. Nothing stopping us from filing, but I don't know if it's rejected on some technicality.

NY also has a 1 or 2 year residency requirement. Say I am now a NY resident, but then i just moved here 3 weeks ago. It's not clear cut. Even lawyers seem to be confused by it.

Either way, we agreed not to file until we work out a settlement. I don't see any upside in filing now or filing first.
Last edited by Lion1234 on Sat Dec 30, 2017 2:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Chaos » Sat Dec 30, 2017 2:53 pm

Look you know what you can do. Write out a settlement that reflects that, with a parenting plan included, and give it to her. There's too much uncertainty in your situation to make hard plans until you have that done, and you already know her offer isn't going to be realistic.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Lion1234 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 2:57 pm

Right. Exactly.

It was funny when she told me she knew about 1 year NJ requirement. I said, "So how are you planning to file then?" She says "Why are you such a stickler for the rules all of a sudden?"
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Chaos » Sat Dec 30, 2017 3:01 pm

Well then you have a plan for the day. Get to work on it.

But be realistic. Do some research on what you should actually be paying her for support with your income differences and 50/50, and for how long. Don't agree to something ridiculous just because you feel bad for her.
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