Divorce while building a house

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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:14 pm

OK, tough love, got it.

I believe she'll have the parenting plan next week.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:32 pm

I've cooled off.

So let me ask you 2 questions

1. What happens when next week turns into (fill in the blank)
2. What is stopping you from taking HER a parenting plan?

When you are reactive in your life you accept what others dictate, when you are active/proactive you dictate your terms. What do you want to teach your kids? Because they won't learn what you tell them, they learn what they see.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:01 pm

You are absolutely right about being proactive/reactive.

She has not been dragging her feet on the custody, her focus was mostly on kids, finishing the house and on her dying mother.

When we spoke about custody and the plan last Tuesday, she seemed to be surprised when I said 50/50. She didn't know how these arrangements work. She asked for a week to find out about it.

She wants to divorce as soon as possible, but she can't even legally file until next September so we are in this weird situation. But she also wants me to make sure they can afford the house and I simply don't see how I can if I have to setup my own place and have the kids half the time. I can't have her move there just to move out when the money runs out. I would rather she didn't move at all. She should have put the brakes on telling the kids how they will have all the wonderful things there, but it's too late for that.

I am not afraid of her and I am not dragging my feet. I hear and appreciate all the advice being given here.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Chaos » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:18 pm

You already know the house needs to be sold. You've said so several times. There's no point in dragging it out, she's going to have to come to terms with it. The sooner the better.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby gamingdad » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:25 pm

Why can't she legally file until September?
READ YOUR PAPERWORK BEFORE SIGNING! IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, ASK!
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:26 pm

Right, I do. But she could liquidate some other (income producing) assets and pay off the mortgage. This is a relly bad idea for everyone so I am treading carefully. These are in her name but are shared, she can sell, and I can only stop her by going to court. I don’t want to go to court, so we are looking for some mutually agreeable solution. Once she accepts the fact that the house needs to be sold, we can settle very fast.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:29 pm

gamingdad wrote:Why can't she legally file until September?


In NJ you have to be a resident for one year before you can file.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:31 pm

OP - you're setting yourself on fire to keep your STBX warm.

She can't file until blah
She want to do blah
Wait until she gets back for blah
She she she

What are YOU doing?

It went from parenting plan next week to she can't file until september. You want this to speed up?

- Move back in when she leaves
- Put house up for sale now/on market
- File for divorce and head straight for trial

How much you want to bet you will get her talkng then? Otherwise, doesn't look good for you.

I wish you luck, but it looks like your story has been written 1,000's of time before, you just don't know it yet.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:47 pm

Ok, I move back in. We still can’t file until September.

All I want right now is to work out the custody. I don’t care if she agrees with me on the house or not, but I don’t want the kids to move there just to move out in a few months. I can’t stop her from moving, it’s four weeks away. Courts won’t don squat until we file. It’s her house too.

Maybe I’m missing something.
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Re: Divorce while building a house

Unread postby massdad1234 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 12:02 pm

explain how moving is more traumatic than their dad not living there and their role diminished to nothing. Explain how you want to teach them that a dad is not an equal parent and that the supreme power is only their mother. Explain how you not being there will allow you to properly teach the children the tools and skills to succeed at life.

Your whole mindset needs to change. You have been so wrapped up in what she wants, what she says, what she allows, what you can't do, you haven't thought for one second what you can and should be doing.

Listen, I have 3 kids myself, my silly STBX is refusing to live on planet earth and we are going to trial where I have put myself in the best possible position based on the strategy and tactics learned on this forum - NOT FROM MY LAWYER.

Do you want to be standing in front of a judge and say

"She didn't let me move back in your honor, she said I couldn't stay your honor, she calls all the shots". A judge isn't going to care (if you go to trial) about you or your silly arguments, they will care about status quo. Which is, dad moved out, pays for everything and is ok with minimal contact with his children and empowering their mother to make all the choices with no legal recourse.

If it was ok during the marriage, its ok afterwards, next!
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