Movers coming, No final agreement

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Re: Movers coming, No final agreement

Unread postby Snowblower » Tue Oct 31, 2017 10:10 am

I think her lack of communication and bold actions is going to bite her in the end. Through my attorney we have a well documented log of me trying to resolve the dissolution in a formal manner and spending time with my kids. Her behavior for not responding to my attorneys or even her own and also going out every weekend with her friends is not going to help her. My only counter to this is to be as prepared as possible (hence, asking you guys for help) for her next move.

As for the locks, I heard I cannot do this as it is still considered her home, correct? The state is Indiana. Does anyone know?
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Re: Movers coming, No final agreement

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Oct 31, 2017 10:31 am

fortune favors the bold, you are going to have to get out of your comfort zone.

if she has moved into a seperate residence, and she is self supporting, why does she need access to the home?

Yes, she can get the changed back, but does she know that? What is to stop her from doing more to clear you out?
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Re: Movers coming, No final agreement

Unread postby Campfire » Tue Oct 31, 2017 10:39 am

Snowblower wrote:
As for the locks, I heard I cannot do this as it is still considered her home, correct? The state is Indiana. Does anyone know?



Snowblower,

I am so sorry to hear about your key breaking off in the door lock. It happens. Probably cheaper to replace the locks than to hire a locksmith. <------


Let me clue you in. You are not required to speak to your attorney when they want to communicate. They are your employee, not vice versa. As far as her responding to your attorney, who cares. Whoopdeedoo.
Last edited by Campfire on Tue Oct 31, 2017 10:45 am, edited 3 times in total.
The List: http://www.dadsdivorce.com/father_divor ... hp?t=13374


The question is how much conflict you can control, negate, or avoid.
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Re: Movers coming, No final agreement

Unread postby Havalu7 » Tue Oct 31, 2017 10:41 am

OP you replied “Oh well.”

Is that your game face statement. Hardly boot to throat.

So you laise affairly took action on her TELLING you she was coming to move stuff out.

Now you are taking the same oh well to the suggestion of changing the locks?

Why are you here? Pick up the latest Cosmo for advice if the “Oh Well” attitude is all the fighting cheer you can rouse on your side???

I smell weak sauce eminating from this one I’m sorry.
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Re: Movers coming, No final agreement

Unread postby Snowblower » Wed Nov 01, 2017 11:03 am

Havalu7 wrote:OP you replied “Oh well.”

Is that your game face statement. Hardly boot to throat.

So you laise affairly took action on her TELLING you she was coming to move stuff out.

Now you are taking the same oh well to the suggestion of changing the locks?

Why are you here? Pick up the latest Cosmo for advice if the “Oh Well” attitude is all the fighting cheer you can rouse on your side???

I smell weak sauce eminating from this one I’m sorry.


Early in this post my question was answered and I made decisions as such which worked out fine. After I stated my only priority now is to win the ongoing and future custody battle so I ask how/why does changing the locks to the house which is still marital property and a house that in which I want my children to live in help that situation? Go ahead, I want to know the pro's answer. I think it would be a careless move and exactly the kind of thing that she would want me to do. Custody judgement is going to come down to stability for children which involves less conflict, not more. Creating a hostile environment and fighting with the stbx would be easy new locks, who gets the silverware, FU's all around, supervised exchanges, attorney meetings etc. How is that healthy for children? It's not and should be avoided at all costs. I am more concerned with strategy so that she can create the hostile environment and then be ready to adjust as necessary .....so if that makes me passive, weak then so be it.

I use this forum and others to post/read questions as a way to bounce ideas and get multiple opinions. Some of them good, some of them crap but I still like to hear all sides and gain knowledge from different experiences. I would imagine that is why most people are on here. The source information such as "The List" and earlier reference material was super helpful and I wish I had found earlier in the process. Most of the commenters and contributors have the right intention, use critical thought and offer good guidance but there are always a select few blowhards who just want to keep score of who has the wittiest zingers and prove alpha worthiness status on here. That is fine but remember, maybe not every situation is exactly like yours.....
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Re: Movers coming, No final agreement

Unread postby StruggelinginIN » Wed Nov 01, 2017 11:34 am

Im not quite sure you understand why you are advised to change the locks. Seems that you feel like if you change the locks to your residence, WWIII will start.

It's about boundaries and self protection. You do realize that at some point the locks MUST be changed, the garage opener MUST be re programmed. These to do items in of themselves wont start WWIII. These are common sense things to do anytime you have a change of residency, moving to another residence or moving soemone out of yours.

When I was a twenty something living with roomates, if someone moved out we changed the locks and security codes. Its just what happens when people move.

Do you have a key to her residence? Of course you don't, nor should you. She also has no need for a key to your place.
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Re: Movers coming, No final agreement

Unread postby Havalu7 » Wed Nov 01, 2017 5:32 pm

^^^^+ 1

OP it is to protect yourself. Does she live there?

I apologize for the weak sauce comment but the guys here where and are tough on me as well.

The reason the majority are posting to change the locks is from YEARS of seeing this same exact circumstance happening over and over.

Like the digital audio recorder running covertly; it is SOP (standard operating procedure) to change the locks.
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Re: Movers coming, No final agreement

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Nov 02, 2017 7:56 am

OP - are you concerned that if you walk on egg shells that things will go smoothly? You are going to break a few eggs to get your divorce omelet.

Do you think the courts will care that you changed the locks on the marital residence that your STBX voluntarily moved out of?

On the flip, do you think your STBX has your best interests at heart right now? So far, she has implemented financial austerity, appears to be relocating the children under your nose, and yet you don't want to upset things and let the legal process work itself out? The courts will try and stick with status quo as much as possible. If your STBX relocates them and then stalls out proceedings, what then?
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Re: Movers coming, No final agreement

Unread postby MegaDad » Fri Nov 03, 2017 1:58 pm

OP, others who have expressed concern for your....less than aggressive attitude make good points. Points you should absolutely mull over and act on.

But just to switch gears here for a minute, her moving some of the kids' stuff out from under you could be a blessing in disguise. Take this chance to recreate their space in your home, and let them be a big part of that process! I am sorry I don't remember your kids' ages, but any child would love to be in charge of how their space looks and feels. If funds allow, go whole hog and repaint bedrooms, move stuff around, whatever needs replacing make a big deal out of it and go out for ice cream afterward. Silver linings right?
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Re: Movers coming, No final agreement

Unread postby Snowblower » Fri Nov 03, 2017 3:12 pm

To be clear as mud, there is no argument of whether or not to change the locks but it is a matter of when. The egg shell walking is pretty much coming to an end. The covers are off of the boxes and that lightening strike can hit at any moment disabling the whole system............. it is going to happen.


Havalu7 wrote:^^^^+ 1

OP it is to protect yourself. Does she live there?

I apologize for the weak sauce comment but the guys here where and are tough on me as well.


The reason the majority are posting to change the locks is from YEARS of seeing this same exact circumstance happening over and over.



Its all good, if you need to say it needs to be heard......all angles. Yes, she is still living in the house, sleeping (couch), eating. The other house all though it has some things in it is not habitual for the kids yet. Needs some mattresses, dressers etc. She did not take everything.
Monday - "Some" big stuff moved out.
Tuesday - She went to move some kids toys (the ones they like) out and I kobashed that at the door. She is trying to use the "what the kids want" which is not fair to them.
Last two nights.....nothing
I suspect either tonight or this weekend we she will finish .

massdad1234 wrote:OP - are you concerned that if you walk on egg shells that things will go smoothly? You are going to break a few eggs to get your divorce omelet.

Do you think the courts will care that you changed the locks on the marital residence that your STBX voluntarily moved out of?

On the flip, do you think your STBX has your best interests at heart right now? So far, she has implemented financial austerity, appears to be relocating the children under your nose, and yet you don't want to upset things and let the legal process work itself out? The courts will try and stick with status quo as much as possible. If your STBX relocates them and then stalls out proceedings, what then?


Yes, I do think that it will be a negative reflection on me if I change the locks on the house while she is still living there. The court will look at any displacement of children and how it was done and by whom. She does not have financial austerity or security as it is her mom who is paying the mortgage. Her next move is to come after me to give her support and alimony. It is not happening under my nose. Her mom had this house closed on over 4 weeks ago and I have been asking what the hold up is and when she is going to get down to business and sign the agreement. I knew it was going to happen, secured what needed to be done and very much want to let the system work this out. I hate this passive aggressive mode as much as the next guy but I do not want to her have one single shred of anything on me until we get this thing finalized. Your last question, "If your STBX relocates them and then stalls out proceedings, what then? was my question in another post. Not what to do tonight, tomorrow but more how to secure time and stability with and for my kids.
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