Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby Outis » Tue Oct 03, 2017 2:41 pm

So we shouldn't try to redirect when someone's focus is off? Interesting perspective.
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Tue Oct 03, 2017 3:13 pm

lovingfatherof2 wrote:If you have the kids 60% of the time and it's well documented and you also live in the school district then you would have a very good chance of at taking this to court.

If it were me I would file a motion to keep the kids in the current school district and to make the new status quo official.



I would also slip into my motion that SS be modified based on the current situation, I would make it a secondary issue to be addressed.

Who knows, she might even give up the kids to keep the money.
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby a dad » Tue Oct 03, 2017 4:14 pm

Changes primary homes and schools either way.

SS shouldn't be the priority.

OP, look for a rental within your child's current school zone if you want to fight this move-away.
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby kaui8355 » Thu Oct 05, 2017 9:32 am

Thank you all for the advice and comments. I scheduled an a consultation with a new laywer this coming monday to discuss what kind of leverage I have right now. I am certainly not opposed to my ex getting married as that will surely stop the alimony. She is clever so I know that simply moving in, she is hoping the alimony will continue. As of now, I've been paying the $800 alimony to her for 2 years.

I will never know the exact reasons why I had to pay alimony in the first place for a marriage of 9 years. My lawyer was awful and dropped the ball on several fronts - the whole experience was awful. At any rate, that's in the past.

My focus always has been and always will be on my kids. During our marriage, I was typically the one who dropped off/picked up the kids from their activities, school as well as attending all practices, events. I also routinely was the one who took care of cooking, laundry etc as well as the outside of the house. I'm not saying this to boast - I did it because it was necessary and I loved my kids. But the resentment towards my ex was building the whole time because she would lay in bed. I continue to do as much as I can for the kids and I welcome as much time as possible with them - right now I have them about 60%, I would welcome more if I could. It's not difficult for me - parenting comes easy and naturally.

I'm just upset that I may have to continue supporting her when she will be supported by her BF. I do keep meticulous records of texts and emails. She has clearly said they are going to get married and that moving in will give both of them a dual income. I know each state is different - I live in MO. So I will have to discuss my rights and options with the new attorney on Monday. The $800 a month is substantial and would allow me to get a 3 bedroom apt so both kids have their own bedroom. I certainly hope I don't have to wait another year for that to stop.

The frustration with the family court system stems from my own awful experience. So many things happened that I was confused by and I realized that there is no clear law to follow. Unfortunately, each judge has the prerogative to make loose decisions based on the law. The alimony for example did not make sense - he initially said there was not going to be alimony then for some reason he changed his mind at the end and made it modifiable but with no end date. Crazy.

Fortunately, I have an amazing relationship with my kids and see them lots. Both of them are forming their own opinions now and I try to be very careful not to say anything derogatory about their mom in front of them. I simply do what is necessary for them. My son in particular make comments about how present and active I am with them compared to their mom. So I know my example is making an impact.

I will update after my appt with my lawyer on Monday.
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby kaui8355 » Mon Oct 16, 2017 9:38 am

I met with a new attorney last week that has 35 years experience. When I told him what my ex was saying in terms of moving into her BF's house in a new school district and that she can "do whatever she wants since she is the residential parent," he replied "< bovine scat >." Bottom line, he said I have a very good case now of having the maintenance terminated since she has said clearly in text messages and verbal conversations that they will be getting married and that moving in will give them dual-income. He also said I have a solid chance of being granted the residential parent so the kids can continue going to school in the same district. The courts put the kids first and stability is very important.

Of course, I need to come up with the retainer now to get things moving and I had to file bankruptcy after the divorce because of the debt I was awarded. But I am working on a solution now. I will keep this thread going...
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby a dad » Mon Oct 16, 2017 10:30 am

kaui8355 wrote:He also said I have a solid chance of being granted the residential parent so the kids can continue going to school in the same district. The courts put the kids first and stability is very important.
Would the kids stay in the same school or do you think changing schools and friends equals stability?
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby TJinCA » Wed Oct 18, 2017 5:46 pm

I'm not sure I see why going to a new school in the same district would be that much different from a new school in a different district - it's still a new school to the kids.

On the other hand, families move and kids change schools all the time for a variety of reasons mostly not related to divorce. I don't think it's a crippling social event for kids.
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby a dad » Wed Oct 18, 2017 5:54 pm

Yep. OP just shouldn't call it "stability" when it's not.

. . . unless he's willing to move to within the current school zone, which would strengthen his case.
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby kaui8355 » Thu Oct 19, 2017 3:25 pm

There are a couple reasons why keeping the kids in the same school district would provide more stability for them:

1. During our divorce, my ex was adamant that the kids stay in the current school district. She went further to say that they need to stay in the same elementary school. I felt that it was important to keep them in the same school district but not as important as the same elementary school. Our school district is rated in the top 5 in our state. So for her to say now that it is ok to move to a new school district goes against what she originally argued for.

2. Keeping the kids in the same school district reinforces what we originally decided but also allows them to continue moving forward with their friends. Yes, it is not crippling for kids to change schools. But if there is not a good reason, then why do it? If they can continue with their friends, I think that would be better in terms of stability especially when they have been through a divorce, a move and already 1 school change.

Remember, this is not just about the kids changing school. My ex is moving into her BF's house which will constitute a change in school districts. Regardless of how she thinks they will be together forever and/or get married, moving into a BF's house is not a permanent situation. Is it a good idea to do so when it means your kids have to change schools? Additionally, I am the one that most available and take the kids to their activities. The move means that I will have to drive from a total of 20 minutes a day to 1 hour 20 minutes.

It is clear she is moving in rather than getting married in hopes the maintenance will continue. Getting married is clearly grounds for maintenance to be terminated. This whole thing is about money for her. I actually think her BF is a great guy and have no qualms with him around my kids. It is the fact that she will be co-habitating with him and they will have a dual income while I continue to pay maintenance in addition to having my kids change schools.

I am asking for the maintenance to be terminated and the kids to stay in the current school. My son is the only 1 who will have to change to a different elementary school for 1 year. My daughter will not have to change schools. In fact, I may be able to get my son to continue to go to the same school this next year. My plan is to talk to the district office this next week to explain the situation. This would still allow her and my kids to move into her BF's house but she would not continue receiving alimony from me and my kids would continue going to the same school. She would be the one who would be driving them back and forth on her days.

I will keep everyone posted....
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby a dad » Thu Oct 19, 2017 3:35 pm

Your argument falls flat when you're also planning to change the kids school and lose all their school friends. Judgements aren't made off hypothetical future possibilities. You may have to move before mom.

Two ways around this, if you're able to keep them in the same school either by intradistrict transfer or by moving to within the kids current school zone.
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