Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

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Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby kaui8355 » Mon Oct 02, 2017 3:08 pm

My ex called to inform me that she will be moving in with her BF of over 1 year which means moving my kids to another school district. During our divorce, I asked to be the custodial parent but her and her lawyer spent 30 minutes saying how awful it would be for my kids to go to a different school even though I was in the same school district as she was. Now, she is taking them completely out of the school district. We each have joint legal and physical custody although she was awarded to be the custodial parent. I currently pay her $800 a month in alimony and we were married a little over 9 years. When I asked her what the reasons were to uproot the kids from their school to a different school district into her BF's house, she slipped and said it was to save money. Her BF already owns his house and makes his payments on his own. She said they are going to get married but will not tell me when and I believe she is moving in rather than getting married in the hopes that her alimony will continue. This will give her and her BF extra money to pay off their debt and save. I also believe that if her plan works, she may never get married because then the alimony will continue. I live in MO. I also end up with the kids ~ 60% of the time and also have to pay 70% of their expenses. I also know that my son who is 10 has been telling me he wants to live with me full-time. My daughter who will be 12 in Jan is torn. Will my alimony stop if she moves in? She is supposed to send me a certified letter 60 days in advance which she has not yet and according to the date she wants to move, she is already in contempt of that.


Maintenance/Alimony in my decree

IT IS FURTHER ORDERED, ADJUDGED AND DECREED that Petitioner shall pay $800.00 per month as and for maintenance. Said maintenance is modifiable and indefinite in duration. Said maintenance payment shall begin on the 1st day of November, 2015, and a like sum will be due on the 1st day of each month thereafter, until further order of the Court. In default thereof, let execution issue therefor.


Lastly, the court did consider placing a limitation on the duration of the maintenance but believes that such a limitation is justified only when substantial evidence exists of an impending change in the financial conditions of the parties; and the court cannot speculate as to the future financial conditions of the parties. See Smith v. Smith, 840 SW2d 276 (W.D. 1992). Here, the court does not believe the substantial evidence exists of an impending change in the financial conditions of either party so as to place a limit on the duration of the maintenance.

The court finds that Petitioner shall pay the Respondent modifiable maintenance at the rate of $800 per month.
Last edited by kaui8355 on Mon Oct 02, 2017 7:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Mon Oct 02, 2017 3:47 pm

IT IS FURTHER ORDERED, ADJUDGED AND DECREED that Petitioner shall pay $800.00 per month as and for maintenance. Said maintenance is modifiable and indefinite in duration. Said maintenance payment shall begin on the 1st day of November, 2015, and a like sum will be due on the 1st day of each month thereafter, until further order of the Court. In default thereof, let execution issue therefor.


If this is the only wording re. the duration of your alimony payments, if there is no provision tied to re-marriage or cohabitation, then no, alimony won't end.

Let me make sure I got this right: permanent alimony for a 9 (nine) year marriage? In MO? Why did you agree to this?
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby Havalu7 » Mon Oct 02, 2017 4:44 pm

Welcome OP as you can see guys will help you here.

Please consider changing your username (via the control panel) to something you have never used before anywhere on the net.

Also if ya have a post of any length break it up with a few paragraph for us old ferts trying to help on our phones.
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Mon Oct 02, 2017 4:54 pm

If you have the kids 60% of the time and it's well documented and you also live in the school district then you would have a very good chance of at taking this to court.

If it were me I would file a motion to keep the kids in the current school district and to make the new status quo official.
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby kaui8355 » Mon Oct 02, 2017 7:12 pm

Hi All -

I edited my OP to add the following for further clarification:

Lastly, the court did consider placing a limitation on the duration of the maintenance but believes that such a limitation is justified only when substantial evidence exists of an impending change in the financial conditions of the parties; and the court cannot speculate as to the future financial conditions of the parties. See Smith v. Smith, 840 SW2d 276 (W.D. 1992). Here, the court does not believe the substantial evidence exists of an impending change in the financial conditions of either party so as to place a limit on the duration of the maintenance.

The court finds that Petitioner shall pay the Respondent modifiable maintenance at the rate of $800 per month.


So I was told that a change in her financial condition would justify the stopping of the alimony. Moving in with her BF is going to drastically change her financial situation. Her BF already owns his house and is making the full house payment and all utilities. I can see what she is trying to accomplish - continue receiving alimony from me while getting support from her BF. If she is successful, she would do this for years.

Also, someone mentioned why I agreed to alimony when my marriage was 9 years. Well, I found out that divorce/family court is like the wild wild west - anything goes. Her attorney even lied when he had me on the stand. The judge fell asleep at least twice. I had a lawyer that completely dropped the ball and my ex is one of those that when you meet, will charm the pants off you. Never mind that she is a functional alcoholic and called my daughter 2 weeks ago at 10:30 on a school night drunk. My son routinely tells me that I am both the mom and dad to them. I feel like I am in an alternate universe. I asked about an appeal but my lawyer said it would take twice as much money and the judge would be mad because I disagreed with his findings.
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:31 pm

kaui8355 wrote:My ex called to inform me that she will be moving in with her BF of over 1 year which means moving my kids to another school district. During our divorce, I asked to be the custodial parent but her and her lawyer spent 30 minutes saying how awful it would be for my kids to go to a different school even though I was in the same school district as she was.
Didn't you get a geographic restriction??

kaui8355 wrote: I asked about an appeal but my lawyer said it would take twice as much money and the judge would be mad because I disagreed with his findings.
This is attorney-speak for, "I'm through with you."

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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby TJinCA » Mon Oct 02, 2017 11:48 pm

Not an attorney but...

Your previous attorney was probably right that appealing the results of trial would have been expensive and fruitless. He probably did you a favor in recommending you not pursue it (particularly considering that the money you would have wasted would have wound up in his pocket).

That said, cohabitation by your ex is a change of circumstance that impacts her need for support. If her need is reduced, your obligation to pay should be reduced. You should check to see what your state law has to say about it. In California, the law says that cohabitation creates a "rebuttable presumption" of reduced need, meaning that the court would presume that her need is reduced, and she would need to present evidence that it is not. My understanding is that common practice in CA is that cohabitation = 50% reduction in SS. If you're really lucky, she'll marry the BF and your SS obligation will end.

As for the kids, this may also be an opportunity for you to ask for custodial parent status and increased physical custody so that they can stay in the same school district.

Worth a chat with a lawyer to find out what your options and likely outcomes are.
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby kaui8355 » Tue Oct 03, 2017 8:01 am

Thank you for the reply and info. She has sent me emails and text messages stating that they will have a dual income and their plan is to get married, that this will be better for them "all."

I don't get how it is good for my two kids to move into her BF's house and make them change schools? I do believe that she is deliberately moving in rather than getting married in the hopes that her alimony will continue. The last 2 years of our marriage, she did not work because I put her through cosmetology school. During our separation is when she started working and received at least 3 raises in the last 1 1/2 years. 6 months ago, she decides to open up her own business - booth rental for cutting hair. She puts in about 30 hours a week.

I'm saying this because obviously she is not suffering if she is opening he own business and only working 30 hours a week. Now she wants to move in with her BF and live off him also.

I truly don't understand the family court system. Even when I talk with an attorney, there is not even a law to follow - it seems it is up to the judge as to whether he likes you or not. I had a horrible experience in court. The judge even fell asleep twice in his chair.

I'm disgusted how the court system works - how it is slated towards the woman. If they only knew her history with alcoholism, absentee/negligent mom, they would change their tune. But she is an excellent actress.

I plan on meeting with a different attorney next Monday to discuss my options.

Thanks again....
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby afc » Tue Oct 03, 2017 8:11 am

If there is no proof that her alcoholism has messed up your kids lives in a way that can be independently verified then why do your bring it up?

Any injuries to the kids?
Any record of multiple DUIs?
Any record of police/CPS visits because she leaves them alone to go drink?
Multiple truancy or absences because she is too hammered to bring them to school?


You throw out alcoholism like it should be a slam dunk but if her getting hammered doesnt have real life consequences, if she's able to function decently despite drinking a lot then it doesnt matter
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Re: Ex moving in with boyfriend - will alimony stop?

Unread postby kaui8355 » Tue Oct 03, 2017 8:38 am

Maybe you misunderstood what I was trying to convey. Divorce court is like the wild wild west - anything can go. My personal history with my ex is that she is a highly functional alcoholic. When the kids were little, she would drink to the point of passing out and I made sure to get up in the am to throw away the evidence before the kids got up.

My son who is 10 realizes this - both kids know that mom loves her "vodka." My Dad was a highly functional alcoholic - but it does affect the family members. The issue is that it is hard to prove. My point with bringing it up was that the court system and judge really doesn't know what goes on behind the scenes. My kids routinely tell me that I have been both mom and dad to the them. Put it simply, my ex was negligent and absentee. She would rather simply lay in bed or drink. How can I prove this? I really can't until the kids get old enough to voice their own opinion about who they want to live with.

"You throw out alcoholism like it should be a slam dunk but if her getting hammered doesnt have real life consequences, if she's able to function decently despite drinking a lot then it doesnt matter"

I'm not sure what you mean by this statement. I did not throw it out like it is a slam dunk. Trust me, having an alcoholic parent deeply affects a child - I know. The consequences are emotional and verbal damage as well as being a simply absentee/negligent mom. The kids when they are with her have to fend for themselves to make their own breakfast or get ready for school because she is hung over. How do I know? They tell me and I lived with the woman - she did it then.

Maybe I am simply frustrated and venting about how the court system functions and how it is unfair to the Dads very often? I thought this was the place to do that as well as get advice?
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