in middle of custody / money battle

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in middle of custody / money battle

Unread postby Welcome123 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 4:55 pm

Hi guys ,my first post and looking for some advice. Some background:
Married only 8 months, state of NY, and we currently have a 14 month old son, split up one year ago. Not an equitable distribution case. She currently has physical custody as she decided to strictly breast feed after hiring her attorney in order to reduce my time with my son and the judge didn't want to mess with that. I have taken her to court twice now just to get more than 2hrs of time with my son. Every time judge gives me more time. I currently only get to see him one day a week for 6 hrs and have to drive 30 miles to pick him up so 3 of those hours are spent traveling.

My STBX and i are about to either begin trial or settle on a schedule that i conceded to as a global agreement (via email, nothing signed and confirmed) in order to not go to trial as I've already spent enough money to put my son through college. Low and behold she is now balking on the financial agreement and took me to court last week. She currently lives at home with her parents and my son requires very little. She has minimal expenses and told the judge she doesn't plan on moving out for a few years. Current stipulation is i am to pay her $1500 S/S and $1500 C/S which i am totally fine with. I offered to increase it to $3500 month once she moves out so she doesn't get taxed on the $1500. She is now saying no and wants 4k. All i want is more time with my son so if i go to trial id imagine id get 50/50 custody. The schedule she wants me to agree to doesn't allow full wknds until he is 3, no midweek sleep overs and no week vacations until he is 5. Until he is three i only get one day a wknd from 10-6 which i am extremely unhappy about. I thought both parents have equal rights?

I guess my question is for guys who have gone through this, what are the odds i can get full custody of my son? I truly believe she has a mental condition and hoping a forensic will help prove that. If not full, at least 50/50? Also does any one have experience with child support over the cap? Am i offering too little?
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Re: in middle of custody / money battle

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sun Oct 01, 2017 5:50 pm

Nobody could, nor should offer you odds, but we can discuss your goals, tactics and strategy.

Your child support is established by the State Guideline - there is no guessing. Spousal support for such a short marriage is simply rediculous, as there is no reason to offer her rehabilitation.

How did you end up paying her a penny of spousal support - do you not have an attorney?

And I'm curious if there was a DNA test done for this child?
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Re: in middle of custody / money battle

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 5:59 pm

Spousal support for an 8 month marriage? I don't know of any state or judge that would award her anything.
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Re: in middle of custody / money battle

Unread postby Welcome123 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 6:16 pm

I have a great lawyer, she voluntarily took a year off from work so first judge awarded her 1500/month in spousal support for 3 months but then she was removed from the case and that was in May. In NY there's a formula so she was due some S/S, be it minimal. We are due back at the end of October to see if we are proceeding with trial or if we've settled. She is now back at work and i make above the cap so not sure what a judge would award in C/S for my son who lives with his mom but has minimal expenses. No DNA test was done but i can assure you he is my son.

My goals are to have 50/50 but she has made it almost impossible for me to spend any real quality time with my son. If i didn't take her to court she'd still be perfectly fine with me seeing him for 2hrs. Very hostile and aggressive behavior with bipolar tendencies.

My legal fees have racked up simply for filing motions to see my son along with multiple settlement proposals that she rejects. Mind you, she has fired 3 previous attorneys b/c she won't listen to them or reason.
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Re: in middle of custody / money battle

Unread postby Havalu7 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 9:08 pm

Welcome OP.

Curious as to how you can assure anyone, including your child who will be growing up wondering about his parents, that it's yours without a DNA test?

Doesn't at the very least the child deserve to know? I'm not saying that if you find out it's not your you can't love him or her just the same.
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Re: in middle of custody / money battle

Unread postby FlyGuySLO » Mon Oct 02, 2017 2:36 am

Welcome123 wrote:I have a great lawyer, she voluntarily took a year off from work so first judge awarded her 1500/month in spousal support for 3 months but then she was removed from the case and that was in May. In NY there's a formula so she was due some S/S, be it minimal. We are due back at the end of October to see if we are proceeding with trial or if we've settled. She is now back at work and i make above the cap so not sure what a judge would award in C/S for my son who lives with his mom but has minimal expenses. No DNA test was done but i can assure you he is my son.


I'm not clear. Who took a year off - your wife or the lawyer? Then the Judge was removed from the case? Why? So is your wife is back at work? What is your income and what is her income?

I agree with the previous responses in that SS for such a short marriage is unlikely post judgement.

Welcome123 wrote:My goals are to have 50/50 but she has made it almost impossible for me to spend any real quality time with my son. If i didn't take her to court she'd still be perfectly fine with me seeing him for 2hrs. Very hostile and aggressive behavior with bipolar tendencies.


You should take her to court and petition for equal custody. You need to get 50/50 asap and, as is often discussed here, unless there is any DV or drug abuse, there is no reason that shouldn't be the ruling.

Welcome123 wrote:My legal fees have racked up simply for filing motions to see my son along with multiple settlement proposals that she rejects. Mind you, she has fired 3 previous attorneys b/c she won't listen to them or reason.


The legal fees you have incurred will be minimal in comparison to a CS award above guideline and/or a SS award where there should be none. But the most important part is your time with your child.

I would tell your lawyer to turn up the heat and make all efforts for 50/50, as well as minimizing support of any kind.

One bit of advice I wish I had followed was to cut my ex off the moment the divorce was filed. The financial pressure alone would have created a different tone and outcome to my situation.
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Re: in middle of custody / money battle

Unread postby Welcome123 » Mon Oct 02, 2017 6:07 am

My wife took a year off from work, not my lawyer. The judge was actually on a temporarily leave from the course system, not sure what for. All along I have tried my best to work with stbx in order to avoid a trial but now that doesn't seem likely. I've spent in excess of 75k seeing as I even helped pay part of her legal fees in good faith and also giving her money before an order was even given so my son could get taken care of. Now she's trying to get an additional 35k in legal fees to cover her current lawyer and fees she spent on one she fired.

It's been made clear that the S/S will go away and only C/S will remain once we go back to court. She makes around 80k and I made around 450k.

I have plenty of evidence of parental alienation and verbal harassment from her so if anyone is in jeopardy of losing 50/50 it would be her. Not to mention she moved 35 miles away from me with my son and excuses to help with drop offs and
Pickips

I really just trying to determine if a trial at this point is the right decision.
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Re: in middle of custody / money battle

Unread postby FlyGuySLO » Mon Oct 02, 2017 7:16 am

No one wants to go to trial, but making your stbx and OC think you are going that way is a good tactic towards settlement.

Make your best and final offer, and make it reasonable. It should include 50/50 and the terms should be non-severable. Tell her it's good for 30 days after which time you will rescind it and settle all matters at trial.

The old saying around here is something like "Nothing motivates a woman more than climbing the courthouse steps".
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Re: in middle of custody / money battle

Unread postby Welcome123 » Mon Oct 02, 2017 7:27 am

I was actually going to do that today, appreciate the advice.
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Re: in middle of custody / money battle

Unread postby Trevor » Mon Oct 02, 2017 8:20 am

How was paternity established?
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