Is this common?

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Is this common?

Unread postby astrolink » Sun Apr 02, 2017 6:55 am

When married, my ex was in charge of the finances and charge she did. When I asked to take over the finances, I was told: "over my dead body." Her spending was far, far beyond our means and resulted in great financial stress for years to come for both of us after divorce.

Fast forward 20 years, I own my home, 7 cars, paid off hundreds of thousands of debt, have no debt today whatsoever and a FICO of 810+. I'm at the point if I use a credit card, I pay it online when I get home so when my head hits the pillow, I'm debt free every day.

The problem is my GF wants to take over "our" finances if we move in together. I'm fine with allocating bills according to income, then taking care of our own incomes, but I'm not willing to hand my finances over to someone else, nor do I need to control hers. As it is, she would move into my home and have no rent to pay, thus have far more expendable income for herself which is fine with me, but I'm not handing control of my own financial future to someone else.

This seems to be a deal breaker for her, which spells an end to our relationship.

Is this kind of thinking all that common from either gender of needing to control the household finances?
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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby RockyCali » Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:41 am

Yes. You're fortunate. She let you know this is a dealbreaker before you started shacking up. It's too bad she can't see how successful you've been and wants to take that over.

I hope she has a nice life.
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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby massdaddio » Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:51 am

I agree, good for you that she let you know in advance. My girlfriend and I have been living together for 14 years and have always kept our finances separate. We have a joint checking account in which we both deposit the same amount every month. That account is used to pay all the household bills. We both have access to the account, but she usually takes the lead on managing it. You could offer to do the same with your gf, but it sounds like she wants control of YOUR money, not just the joint finances.
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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby madalex » Sun Apr 02, 2017 9:07 am

Good thing she showed her true colors before it was too late for you.

Run away as fast as you can!
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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Sun Apr 02, 2017 11:33 am

Ask yourself this question: If you were making minimum wage and living in an RV park, would your GF move in with you??

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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Sun Apr 02, 2017 11:41 am

I experienced the same thing in my marriage. I will be paying on this debt she racked up for years.

Never again.
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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sun Apr 02, 2017 12:04 pm

Is she the jealous type? Does she make an issue of other women in your life?

I wonder if this is more of an oversight issue, keeping track of your daily activities so as to ward off other women?
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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby Trevor » Sun Apr 02, 2017 12:36 pm

Seven cars? One of them is made of sterling silver?
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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby astrolink » Sun Apr 02, 2017 1:22 pm

She's somewhat jealous. She has no idea what I have for cash reserves, retirement or investments, as there''s no reason for me to tell her. My gut feeling has been to not to. That should be a warning flag in itself.

A couple other red flags went up over the last few months. One, is when she was looking at buying a new car, she never asked the cost of the cars, total cost, interest rate, ect, but only the monthly payment. This just isn't fiscally how I determine what to buy or can afford. I need the whole picture.

Second is she revealed her company matches her 401K contributions up to 7%, but is contributing 0. I didn't tell her that I contribute 25% to Roth, have since my child support ended about 5 years ago (so I don't miss the money), and have contributed to different plans with different companies for over 30 years.

I don't really know her credit history, but she has a decent job and appears to own nothing.

Part of the equation is she is 20 years my junior, but at 37, she should have some vision of her financial future. Apparently that's where I would have come in.
“There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?”
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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby RockyCali » Sun Apr 02, 2017 1:37 pm

You seem to know remarkably little about each other for considering moving in together, and for her to presume how the "household" finances are going to run.

Again, though, you are fortunate to know all this before cohabitation.
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