Is this common?

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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby JimRockford » Mon Apr 03, 2017 1:19 am

Holy Hypergamy Batman!

In all seriousness, I would agree with all others that you have no other choice here and I think that deep down you know that too. It's bad enough that she would even ask that question, but for her to make it a deal breaker means it is clearly time to throw this fish back. Be thankful that she revealed her cards before it was too late.
Deciding to go forward with a divorce is kind of like joining a brotherhood. However, it is a brotherhood that you really don't want to join.
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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby JimRockford » Mon Apr 03, 2017 11:28 am

I read back through your post and realized that I did not answer your question. I think it is common among control freaks. Control freaks I think can be good at masking their true intentions for awhile as I believe that they know that if they come off too strong too early they face a high probability of being thrown overboard. Looking backward, that was the situation in my ex's case, luckily her control of the finances never got us into any trouble, as I would not let her borrow money or invest the 401K, which at times she implied that we could not afford. However, I'm sure that there would have been more money had she not been in charge of the checkbook.

In your case, I think she made a critical misstep or decided to go for broke by stating her intent up front. In other words, had she waited until she was moved in before she wanted to enact control, she would be gambling that you would give in and be too wrapped up in her to throw her out. Conversely, she may not be sure what you will do and wants to know now vs. potentially being thrown out.
Deciding to go forward with a divorce is kind of like joining a brotherhood. However, it is a brotherhood that you really don't want to join.
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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Mon Apr 03, 2017 11:45 am

astrolink wrote:The problem is my GF wants to take over "our" finances.....This seems to be a deal breaker for her.....Is this kind of thinking all that common.....??
This is how a gold digger works her way into your nickers.

And FWIW, she tipped her hand.

astrolink wrote:.....she would move into my home and have no rent to pay.....
Q: How did this come about?? Why shouldn't she pay rent??

Bottom line: Even if your house is paid for, she must never think that living under your roof doesn't cost anything, because it does.....and it should.

Depending upon location, I would think $400-$500 per month is reasonable. It's not just use of your house, per se. She also gets use of everything in it, including quiet enjoyment (aka, prestige) of your neighborhood - and that's worth "something." It's called intrinsic value.

Tit for tat, Bro. Dish it back her way. Time to find out if she's entitled.

Tom
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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby kmich91262 » Mon Apr 03, 2017 2:58 pm

I don't understand why all pertinent people in a business relationship, whether business or cohabitation, wouldn't want to know at least what is going on financially? My ex would put all the responsibility on me then complain that this or that wasn't done right and insinuate I was hiding things even though everything was in the open. At least my new wife has enough interest to ask on a regular basis where we sit financially after payday, what bills are paid, and other questions....and we keep our checkbooks separate and have no issues.
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Re: Is this common?

Unread postby gamingdad » Mon Apr 03, 2017 4:17 pm

There's a significant difference between asking where you are financially and wanting to completely take over the financial responsibility.
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