Settling Finances

Get financial tips on divorce and asset division including child support laws, property division, and divorce settlements.

Re: Settling Finances

Unread postby hopeful dad » Thu Mar 02, 2017 5:01 pm

It's not why did I, it's why did she allow
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Re: Settling Finances

Unread postby afc » Thu Mar 02, 2017 5:48 pm

How could not allow at least some of them when her name wasn't even on the accounts?

Did this cultural responsibility alo extend to giving her parents money?
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Re: Settling Finances

Unread postby hopeful dad » Thu Mar 02, 2017 7:42 pm

There is neither cultural responsibility nor mandatory obligations to send money to extended relatives. I went to graduate school here in the US (by the way International student pay out of state tuition!) where my father was a sponsor. It was beyond his means to do so but did it anyway like many many middle-class parents back home. I landed a job after graduation and married within a year when it was a payback time (of course no parents anywhere ask anything back in return, whatever they do is selfless). As someone who knew their financial situation, I gave some money just around the time he was retiring to replenish his savings that I had used up so that they live their retired life with some sanity

My ex, who was the only child to her parents, came to this country soon after marriage as dependent to me(immigration wise). As a dependent, she was not eligible to work in the States. She didn't want to sit idle at home, showed interest to work because she was qualified and educated with a college degree back home but was not enough to find a skilled job (that's another requirement - mind there are many rules for immigrants). So it was a long and arduous journey which involved sending her to graduate school here in the US and all that which took initial four to 5 years of marriage, and eventually, she landed a very decent entry level job with tons of potential to grow and earn. Once she obtained the work permit, she was no longer adependent. I did so many things to make her stand on her legs for which she was very thankful. Meanwhile, I helped my relatives here and there back home

She could also have sent as much as she wanted once she settled into job. I was not going to restrict anything. Meanwhile, if there was a dire financial need she was more than welcome to help them out. My ex is 8 years junior to me. Her parents were young, both were healthy and working and I don't think they had any financial problems/issues. All I know was there were very content and happy that her only daughter is living an American dream here.

I think there were hiccups to add her to ABC bank account at that time, the major one I remember is ABC was not anywhere in the state I lived then and around the time I was living it was merging with another bank there. You know which ones if you know about bank mergers in the last decade.

I wouldn't have had this situation if she was on the account. She was aware every time I send the money. She is just taking undue advantage of divorce laws.

For example, she declared how much(roughly but very close) I had gifted during marriage in her initial pleading, and now in her most recent declaration she declares almost same amount and claims she was unaware of any transfer until she saw the bank accounts(obtained via discovery). This is disingenuous at best. Asserting she "never knew" in her declarations is totally wrong. If she didn't know, then how did she declare roughly the same out in her initial pleadings?

Anyway, that's the story. I need to get out of this with minimal damages. It is going to take a ton of legal fees as well. I would rather pay a few bucks to her rather than paying lawyers if she is reasonable. After all, it is going to benefit the kid. Which is why I came here to discuss with you folks. Thanks for your thoughts so far.
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Re: Settling Finances

Unread postby hopeful dad » Thu Mar 02, 2017 8:01 pm

I could have said everything in one sentence - Give a Man a Fish, and you feed him for a day, teach a man a fish feed him for a lifetime
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Re: Settling Finances

Unread postby Mock Turtle » Sat Mar 04, 2017 9:12 pm

Yes it's much clearer when you put it that way.
γού καvνοτ βε ας ςτοοpid ας Ι αm ηνλεςς γού Ηαvε βεεη ας ςmαρτ ας Ι ψας.
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Re: Settling Finances

Unread postby Havalu7 » Sun Mar 05, 2017 10:42 am

Dude congrats on the divorce being final.

It is weird to be congratulating someone on something with a negative connotation like divorce, but we know that it is best in each/some/most cases) for the kids and each other; if the marriage wasn't going to work and was creating a negative environment for the kids or each pesron. I did not go back to your first threads and see what your case was all about; but wanted to say congrats on being on the other side of it!

Now on to finishing up the details and hopefully a peaceful life you will have.

You have come thru the fire; now just dusting off the ashes and focusing on taking care of the kid(s) and keeping yourself peaceful and happy.

Well done my friend stay peaceful (in Dos Sequis commercial guy accent 8 ) )!
”Even a word is an action.” Vaclav Havel
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