Unusual situation

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Unusual situation

Unread postby Kimo » Wed Feb 15, 2017 12:50 pm

I have been married for 39 years, happy about half.

My wife is the type that likes to push you until you get in a fight, tries to dominate everything. She even tells me how to tinker in my workshop even though she has no interest in it. She complains about the adult kids and wants me to talk to them about issues but when I do, she sides with the kids and makes e look stupid.

Anyway, I have always said I would never abandon her no matter what. However, something happened recently that may have changed that line of thought.

I have two grand kids an infant boy and a 4 year old girl. My kids were spending the night as they often do and my grand daughter comes out in the morning and sits with me to watch TV until everyone else gets up.

My wife came to me in the evening after the granddaughter went to sleep and told me that when she wakes up in the morning to come and get her. I said that she and I always sit and watch cartoons together so why go get the wife? I let it go and sent granddaughter to wife in the morning.

After they left I asked the wife why she could not watch cartoons with me and she said it was for her safety. I asked what that meant and she said I did something that "Could" be considered inappropriate. I asked what and she refused to talk about it. I said whatever I did I would be sure not to do again, just tell me what it was. She refused and said she no longer wants me alone with either child.

I promise I NEVER did anything that was remotely inappropriate, possibly something that could be interpreted by a suspicious person but I don't know what.

Anyway, we argued about it and I told her that she just changed my life forever. I will now always be suspected of something I never would do. She said she did not tell the kids to "Do me a favor." Since I was molested as a child it "Carries Over" and maybe I can't help it and did not want to embarrass me.

If she thought there was really something going on she SHOULD tell the kids, cops and anyone else that needs to know. I'll pass any lie detector they can give me.

I have to deal with this but have a problem.

I'll tell the kids of the accusations because I think they should know about them, she does not want me to tell them (cause she made it up to try to control me I believe). I will NEVER again be alone with either grand child (and that hurts a grandpa).

I'm gonna leave. I have a few problems with leaving that I don't know how to sort out. I am 60 years old and am on Social Security Disability due to significant injuries in a car accident. I make just enough monthly to pay the bill, doctors and meds for both of us. She has a significant disease that will never go away and takes expensive medications daily. She does not qualify for disability. There is nothing left over.

She does not work, used to but quit because she should not have to work if I don't. My disability is the only income. I own a few acres and a trailer house. All paid for. The only bills are reoccurring monthly bills.

I can take my income and go find a place to live and get by, but that leaves her with NO INCOME AT ALL. She would not get by long enough to sell the place (Yes I would let her have it). She would not be able to stay with no income.

The kids would pitch in I am sure but I don't want to put it on them, not their responsibility and they have families to keep afloat.

I really do not want to stay and support her. Even though she can be "frustrating" I do not want to abandon her as the kids would think less of me and I am not that kind of man.

Living together will drive me insane. Currently I have moved all my stuff into a guest room and have not talked to her at all in three days. I got to do something but feel pretty stuck.

If I just leave and take my disability income she would not be entitled to it at all. My place is worth about $200K but will be hard to sell being a trailer house and I am not sure she could manage money enough to live off that until she gets Social security. If she did, she would not get enough to pay the monthly bills with her SS.

Thought about talking with the kids but I know they will step up even if they can't afford it.

Any suggestion on how to make this happen without just leaving and never being seen again?
Kimo
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Re: Unusual situation

Unread postby Chaos » Wed Feb 15, 2017 1:01 pm

Dude. She maliciously accused you of molesting your grandchild. Not because she honestly thought you did, but to control you. Quit thinking about how she's going to manage.

If it was me I'd tell my kids everything, and I've never given that advice before. You need to be on top of this. Then get therapy now to deal with your irrational need to protect her from herself. Then get an attorney and take your half.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
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Re: Unusual situation

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Wed Feb 15, 2017 1:15 pm

What state?? How old is she??

Kimo wrote:.....she could not watch cartoons with me and she said it was for her safety.
She just tipped her hand. There are certain things a woman says that can never be taken back. We see this all the time. Start making plans. Start shopping for an attorney.

Read The List, then build a list of your own. You should be keeping a well-written journal. You should also have a digital recorder up and running 24/7. It'll be your only defense against phony DV charges.

http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=13374

Never lose sight of the fact that she can call police and have you kicked out. She will lie thru her teeth and police will believe her. In this game, you cannot win a "he-said, she-said argument."

1) Maintain radio silence.

2) Do not move out of your house.

3) Start implementing austerity measures.

4) Make her get a job.

Kimo wrote:.....but that leaves her with NO INCOME AT ALL.
This is not your problem. She is something other than your wife.

Kimo wrote:Thought about talking with the kids but I know they will step up even if they can't afford it.
Keep your kids out of it - at least for now. The last thing you need of for your kids to talk to mommy-dearest about your plans.

Tom
Everyone is entitled to my opinion. - Maxine™
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Re: Unusual situation

Unread postby Kimo » Wed Feb 15, 2017 2:13 pm

Thanks for the replies.

I already checked and she CANNOT get my disability, she can have the rest.

I'm in Texas and she is 59
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Re: Unusual situation

Unread postby Havalu7 » Wed Feb 15, 2017 2:27 pm

Keep you Texas Toucas in that house brother.

Tune up the DGAF meter and run that covert recorder 24-7 when she is around sir.

Don't be the guy taking a ride in the black and white Texas taxi because you took this trivially.

Do your research here on the threads to keep your mind in the end game.

Post here definitely before you make any rash moves; like moving out.

Make sense?
”No.” is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
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Re: Unusual situation

Unread postby Chaos » Wed Feb 15, 2017 2:30 pm

You're going to set yourself on fire to keep her warm.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
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Re: Unusual situation

Unread postby Kimo » Wed Feb 15, 2017 3:47 pm

You know, its hard not to be yourself. I have been responsible my entire life, helped everyone, REALLY helped family, had my MIL in my house for 15 years (try that).

I have been accused of cheating within a year of getting married. Been accused almost every time I was 5 minutes late. She would look for attractive women and watch me to see if I looked. Always accused of planning to dump her. She NEVER supported anything I ever tried to do. I have always provided insurance, a place to live, life insurance ON ME, not on her. Seems I would deserve a little credit.

I think the reason I can't completely abandon her is that my boys will think that all the other BS she came up with is true. Plus it is not their responsibility to help her, I'll loose everything before putting it on them.

My kids are grown, my stuff is paid for so what do I have to loose, Stuff? If If leave her hanging she will probably try to get my disability stopped or try to get me busted on fake charges. I really don't care about me anymore. I'm all used used up and my tank is empty.

I guess having my sons disappointed in me in any way would just kill me.
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Re: Unusual situation

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Wed Feb 15, 2017 3:52 pm

I wonder if they'll be disappointed in having a dad that lets their mother walk all over him.

You have a history of being unable to set boundaries, which is why you are facing this now.
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Re: Unusual situation

Unread postby Kimo » Wed Feb 15, 2017 4:11 pm

You know, you are probably right. I grew up with a mother that conceived me behind a bar (all my mothers family were bar sluts according to one of my 80 year old aunts). Turns out all 5 kids have different fathers. I don't know my father and was raised by a low life POS. I had to get a job at 13 and pay rent. 50% of pay went to parents for rent, 25% to parents for life insurance ON ME. I got the other 25% but had to get all spending approved. Groceries were the only think that ever seemed to get approved. At 18 I joined the Army to get away. When I asked for the insurance policy, turn out there never was one.

At 46 (mother's Funeral)I learned the POS was not my dad and nobody knows who is, I never talked to him again.

I swore I would never mistreat anyone as I knew how it felt.



I lived my ENTIRE adult life making sure everyone else is OK and its hard to change. I have to I now but it is hard to imagine things any different.

I think I am willing to loose everything EXCEPT my kids to start over.

Thanks for listening.

Life sucks and then you die, I'm just waiting my turn to hang up the tennies.
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Re: Unusual situation

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Feb 16, 2017 10:47 am

you're scared of your wife solider. You need to tighten up your bootstraps and attack this from the front, otherwise kiss your kids and money goodbye. Do you have a digital voice recorder running 24/7 on you at all times your STBX is around?
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