Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Get financial tips on divorce and asset division including child support laws, property division, and divorce settlements.

Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby UknowY » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:07 am

Greetings, first post, although I've been following the forum for about six months, after I could finally see the true colors of the STBX. I'm in the state of MD, currently in the pre-separation stage, working with collaborative law attorney (both STBX and I work with collaborative lawyers). The parenting schedule went OK, STBX was pushing for less weekdays, I stayed firm, it took an extra month of back and forth and fees, but we got as close to 50-50% custody as possible. Now, the juicy parts of gradual financial disentanglement:

Marital home: Still owe $600K on the house. We bought for $739K five years ago. She makes $10K more than I do currently and it would be very tight for me if I were to keep the marital home, even with allimony or support from the STBX. She's offering me $70K to buy my share out and stay at the marital home with the kids. However, looking at the latest property assessment, I decided to bring real estate agents in for a fair market value price. Based on the options added to the house, comparables and such, the real estate agents suggest that the house would sell anywhere from $820K-$833K (my net sheet looks like I'd get $150K after seller's credit to buyer). That would mean a bump up from what my STBX is offering. And my priority is to get at least a 20% down payment on the next house (I don't want to rent for the rest of my life). So, she's offering $70K and I'm asking for $100K -- a larger lump sum in order for me to leave the marital home. I mean, practically she can sell the house down the road and depending on how the market does, she can do a lot better and I could do a lot worse.

If it matters: Of course the divorce is not my idea. After 15 yrs. of marriage my STBX claims she feels contempt against me, and two rounds of marriage counseling did absolutely nothing to sway her desire to move on without me.

What are your thoughts? What's my best strategy to reach a better deal for me on the financial front? I appreciate your feedback.
UknowY
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 9:50 am

Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:45 am

UknowY wrote:.....but we got as close to 50-50% custody as possible.
How close is close??

UknowY wrote:She's offering me $70K to buy my share out and stay at the marital home with the kids.
Q: Do you know what this is??

A: Kids stay in the marital residence, primarily for school purposes. And with NJ getting the house, this sets her up for primary parent. But if you keep the house, you'd be primary parent. There's a lot at stake here.

Bottom line: Do not move out. Everything (namely, primary parent, final decision maker) hinges on who gets the house.

Q: How old are your kids??

Tom
Everyone is entitled to my opinion. - Maxine™
Tom Kirkpatrick
5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 7039
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2005 11:31 pm
Location: Pacific NW

Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby BartSimpson » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:47 am

Collabrative divorce is a marketing ploy. It is an excellent way to pay for a divorce twice.
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 25572
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby UknowY » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:51 am

Thank you for the reply, much appreciated. We're 45% me 55% her with the parent scheduling. Sprinkled in, are days where parents can drop in for events like birthdays, sporting events, etc. I'm not moving out obviously, until I get what I want and is right. I know, the best would be to keep the house, but I can in no way afford it. I'd be house poor. Kids are 7 yr. old boy, 5 yr. old girl.
UknowY
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 9:50 am

Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby BartSimpson » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:52 am

Drop in? Huh?

Are you talking about overnights when you say 45%?
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 25572
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby UknowY » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:59 am

BartSimpson wrote:Collabrative divorce is a marketing ploy. It is an excellent way to pay for a divorce twice.

Divorce is a marketing ploy, period. But, yes, collaborative is second best.
UknowY
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 9:50 am

Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby UknowY » Mon Feb 13, 2017 12:01 pm

BartSimpson wrote:Collabrative divorce is a marketing ploy. It is an excellent way to pay for a divorce twice.

Divorce is a marketing ploy, period. But, yes, collaborative is second best. I got two overnights (two days and two nights, every other weekend -- Sunday 3pm drop off to other parent).
UknowY
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 9:50 am

Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Feb 13, 2017 12:02 pm

UknowY wrote:Divorce is a marketing ploy, period.


The product is freedom.

Its delicious.
User avatar
Fatheroffour
Moderator
 
Posts: 35994
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:37 am
Location: Top of the world

Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby UknowY » Mon Feb 13, 2017 12:05 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:
UknowY wrote:Divorce is a marketing ploy, period.


The product is freedom.

Its delicious.
Amen to that! But an expensive product at that.
UknowY
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 9:50 am

Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby BartSimpson » Mon Feb 13, 2017 12:08 pm

Oh dear lord.

That is the worst possible amount of time you could get. You could get more than that just by asking the Judge for basic guideline parenting.

You have wasted every penny you have spent so far; if you call that near 50/50, you are hallucinating.
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 25572
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Next

Return to Finances & Divorce Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 9 guests