Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

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Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:18 pm

UknowY wrote:I haven't signed anything yet, with the parenting schedule.
Lock in parenting time (50/50; 7/7) first and foremost. Everything else is bargaining chips.

Never surrender a bargaining chip without getting something of significance in return. If something is important to her, then it's important to you.

UknowY wrote:Do I buy her out?
Yes. But also know this rule: The kids stay with the house for school purposes. The house is your soft underbelly. He who gets the house is also primary parent.

When it comes to strategy, maintain radio silence.

Tom
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Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby BartSimpson » Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:20 pm

Can you do it without entanglements? Whoever purchases the home must do so before the divorce is final, with settlement. You cannot have one or the other continue on the mortgage with the promise to buy out the home at a later date.

Can you do that? Can you buy her out right now?
Can she?

One more thing - does she have connections to the community you live in? Where is her family?
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Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby UknowY » Mon Feb 13, 2017 3:30 pm

OK, it's on. Yes, I'm talking to a loan officer to see how I could buy her out, definitely before divorce is final. No promises, I'm not that insane yet, only with settlement. I can definitely be primary parent, my only thorn is it'll be tight financially, until I can find a higher paying job. No, my STBX doesn't have family in the area, and she's not even talking to her mom, her dad is closer but it's once a year thing. STBX definitely is involved in the community as am I.
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Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby hoosier_dad » Mon Feb 13, 2017 4:19 pm

UknowY wrote:I decided to bring real estate agents in for a fair market value price. Based on the options added to the house, comparables and such, the real estate agents suggest that the house would sell anywhere from $820K-$833K


Skip the real estate agents and get an actual appraisal. Whoever disagrees with that initial appraisal can request a 2nd or even a 3rd and average the results.
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Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby astrolink » Mon Feb 13, 2017 4:35 pm

In order to have shared custody by MD law, the non-cusotodial parent must have more than 35% of overnights, or 128 per year. This means you need around 11 per month. And, if your combined income is above $15K/month, child support can be based way above guideline.

You are bending over, my friend. What you are agreeing to is not the best for the children or you. Expect to be financially ravaged and a visitor to your kids. Your role will be that of a human wallet.

Your current approach is not working.
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Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby DadWantsMore » Mon Feb 13, 2017 6:40 pm

If I read your schedule eight: you have 4 overnights=28.5% of time. Not 45.
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Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby Bohica_2017 » Tue Feb 14, 2017 12:08 am

hoosier_dad wrote:Skip the real estate agents and get an actual appraisal. Whoever disagrees with that initial appraisal can request a 2nd or even a 3rd and average the results.


+1. Real estate agents give you market assessment - what they'll try to sell it for. Then you have to guess at how much it actually sells for, then commission.

STBX is going to by me out w/ 401k money (and pay the 30% tax/penalty premium!) - her appraisal was thru the bank that will re-fi the mortgage. We're using that number.

I got full 50/50 (7/7) - my kids are old enough to advocate for themselves.

We went thru mediator first, for a Memo of Understanding. She then employs the lawyer to walk it thru the court, I go pro-se. Fees should come in < $7k total.
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Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby MonkeySee » Tue Feb 14, 2017 5:51 am

You likely aren't going to convince mom to a 7/7 schedule with a 5 year old and her current position on your patenting time. I'd suggest you ask for a 2/2/3 schedule if weekdays can change or a 2/2/5/5 schedule if you need the same weekdays.

Your aim is to have 7 out of every 14 nights.
Mom, stepmom, and grandma in OH.
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Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby steelmark » Tue Feb 14, 2017 12:22 pm

UknowY wrote:STBX definitely is involved in the community as am I.


Until she isn't.

All it takes is meeting Mr. Wonderful at a conference in Omaha, and your assumption goes up in smoke.

Get a geographical restriction now, there are no do-overs because you assumed something. Think beyond today, the agreement needs to be durable for many years.
Prepare and execute to win by a thousand miles, just to be in position to win by an inch.
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Re: Collaborative approach seemingly not working so far

Unread postby UknowY » Tue Feb 14, 2017 7:09 pm

Great feedback, thank you. I'm getting the drift with the parenting schedule. I'll follow up with my lawyer. I'm also having a meeting (her laywer, my lawyer, my STBX and myself). I'm asking for a equitable share of her pension (she has a pension, I do not). It'll be interesting, I'm guessing she's going to ask for a financial person and extra meetings.
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