Need some advice about keeping the house

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Re: Need some advice about keeping the house

Unread postby lionel2013 » Thu Feb 09, 2017 3:40 pm

She has no means to move. She is a teacher and attempting to get back to working asap.


Do not assume that! You are making assumptions based on what you know, or what you think you know. Remember that she's already surprised you with the affair, I thought you said you never would have imagined she could have done something like that, right? I thought the same when I was in your situation, especially since X' parents are here in N. Il, and since she had grown up here and gone to school here. In the last decade we moved back here twice after my job had me move to TX -- because she wanted to get back closer to her parents. Yet when she started pursuing "the plan" [her plan to achieve her dream, her happiness], all of that went out the window and she moved three hours away from her beloved parents. Get used to the idea you need to plan for the unexpected now, all bets are off.

As for her attempting to get back to work ASAP, i hope you are right -- that sure beats the alternative when it comes o alimony and child support.

BTW, sorta coincidental, my X used to be a teacher too. Her parents paid for her college education, entirely, some $20k [a lot of money at the time, and still a lot of money today]. It took her five years to get her degree, then another two years to complete her required student teaching, then she finally started teaching and she worked as a teacher for 10 years. Had a hard time with it at times but was very proud of it, of what she was doing, of her profession. Then after our last move back from TX she stopped working completely, let her teaching certificate lapse, and after seven years of doing nothing she started going to school [with my alimony money, of course] to become an ....... [ready for this?] X-ray technician. Was supposed to finish that this year but it sounds like she is behind, and she will only be able to finish sometime next year [apparently, hopefully].

Do you get my drift now? What, if anything, of the above, could I have expected based on past behavior on her part? Her infidelity? Her decision to divorce? Her decision to move 135 miles from her family, or her decision to completely dump teaching and become something totally, completely unrelated?

Think about it and draw your own conclusions.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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Re: Need some advice about keeping the house

Unread postby Indiana44 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 9:41 am

The last portion of your post is my wife to a T. She also has spoke of being an X-ray tech. Her parents paid for all her school. She taught for 9 years until we had our second child. She is so reliant on her parents to help her with anything. She gets pissed when they say no. She basically treats everyone like < feces > when she's unhappy and she also wants to chase her dream of happiness. During mediation I won't accept her taking the kids anywhere but the surrounding counties. We will be at trial before that happens.
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Re: Need some advice about keeping the house

Unread postby lionel2013 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 10:40 am

She basically treats everyone like < feces > when she's unhappy and she also wants to chase her dream of happiness.


Hahahahaha ... Maybe my X and your STBX are related? :-)

Good God ... It's easy to make light of this now, but it was a royal mess and it hurt like hell at the time. 3-4 years later and it is still a mess, despite the fact that I now am happily remarried while she got dumped, two years ago, by the bloke for whom she left me. After that she's had a couple of first dates with other dudes which led nowhere, so now she's stuck in a quaint but very small town at the IL/IA state line, working towards a degree which will hopefully allow her to work in her new chosen profession ... But, according to her, not there or nowhere in the vicinity, because [again, according to her], the market in that area is saturated with X-ray techs [BTW, WTF is it with former teachers wanting to become X-ray techs?? I don't get it ...]. So, what that means, sometime towards the end of next year she will have to move ... somewhere else, because that's when she graduates and coincidentally that is when alimony will terminate :-). In the meanwhile I am trying to untangle a mess related to providing medical insurance for my son, long story here --- but the point is this particular mess was also of her doing.

Bottom line: I truly envy those who have amicable divorces -- mine was nothing but, and I still bear the consequences.
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Re: Need some advice about keeping the house

Unread postby hoosier_dad » Fri Feb 10, 2017 11:20 am

Stephen7424 wrote:During mediation I won't accept her taking the kids anywhere but the surrounding counties. We will be at trial before that happens.


Keep in mind that the further apart your residences are immediately post divorce the easier a potential move away will be in the future. If you are 30 minutes apart, then a move to 40 minutes apart isn't too difficult. If your residences are very close, then a move to 40 minutes apart becomes very difficult if you have significant parenting time.

Becoming familiar with the Indiana statutes on relocation would be a good idea. In summary, when either of you plan to move you'll be required to file a notice of intent to relocate with the court and provide the other parent a copy of that filing. There is no minimum distance that triggers the requirement, a move across the street or across the country both require the same notification process.

http://iga.in.gov/legislative/laws/2013/ic/titles/031/articles/017/chapters/2.2/pdf
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Re: Need some advice about keeping the house

Unread postby Indiana44 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 12:12 pm

Thankfully I won't have any insurance issues. Me and the kids will be covered by my company. Our locations are roughly 5 miles apart, so i doubt she'll want to be further away. Along with her parents bailing her out every time she screws up.
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Re: Need some advice about keeping the house

Unread postby Indiana44 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 1:08 pm

Thankfully I won't have any insurance issues. Me and the kids will be covered by my company. Our locations are roughly 5 miles apart, so i doubt she'll want to be further away. Along with her parents bailing her out every time she screws up.
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Re: Need some advice about keeping the house

Unread postby lionel2013 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 1:44 pm

Stephen7424 wrote:Thankfully I won't have any insurance issues. Me and the kids will be covered by my company. Our locations are roughly 5 miles apart, so i doubt she'll want to be further away. Along with her parents bailing her out every time she screws up.


Good for you. Me and my kid were under the same policy, until the idiot X moved so far that my policy has no coverage. So X and I agreed to put her under her ACA policy, with me reimbursing her the difference between what it would have cost me to keep him on my policy vs the cost of my policy for me only. That worked well until this year, when her premiums apparently shot up, sky high [according to her], and now she's asking me to reimburse her over $219/mo which [according to her] is how much my son's portion of her policy went up by. So I asked her to provide documentation to that effect -- I don't think it's out of the realm of possibilities but it strikes me as a bit too high for a 12 yr old.
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Re: Need some advice about keeping the house

Unread postby Bohica_2017 » Tue Feb 14, 2017 12:27 am

Next door in the IL, they can't relo more than 25 miles away w/o court approval. One of the rare upsides... there aren't many.

I make considerably more than stbx. Well.. not for long. I made (of course its "we made") - every single mortgage payment.. so bet yer < hindquarters > I insisted on every penny of equity I have coming. >2/3 into the mortgage. She's going to re-fi the balance, and buy me out w/ 401k. I cringed.. but whatever, I'm not the one paying the tax n penalty!
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Re: Need some advice about keeping the house

Unread postby lionel2013 » Tue Feb 14, 2017 2:11 pm

Next door in the IL, they can't relo more than 25 miles away w/o court approval.


Where did you get that, are you sure? Has the statute change in that respect too? Back in 2014 when my divorce was final the only geographical restriction was the state line ...
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Re: Need some advice about keeping the house

Unread postby Indiana44 » Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:13 pm

After reading a lot more on here I have decided that theres no reason to not go for 50/50 custody. I have looked into nannies for my kids, and paying 300/400 every other week to watch the kids while I work is better than giving her 1100 a month. id prefer to give her nothing. does anyone know what role having evidence of the affair will have in Indiana? I'm building my case and want to be able to have big dirt on her if it will help me get an even split on everything
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