Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Get financial tips on divorce and asset division including child support laws, property division, and divorce settlements.

Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Jan 19, 2018 12:07 am

I spoke to attorneys in both states. We can't file in NY, we have to reside there. We can't file in NJ until 1 year from move in state date. What we could do is to agree on a different move in date. But that would be, well, not true.

I can't sell the house until it's finished. She won't move to NY and I want to be near kids anyway.

I'm pushing for settlement agreement, she's not reciprocating while telling me she wants the divorce ASAP.

Married 13 years.
User avatar
Lion1234
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Fri Jan 19, 2018 1:55 pm

Lion1234 wrote:Married 13 years.
In NJ, unless you settle differently, you can count on alimony being half of marriage length - at least.

1) Does she have a job?? Is she fully self-supporting??

2) Have you implemented austerity measures?? Cut expenses to the bone.

Lion1234 wrote:I can't sell the house until it's finished.
Forget the house, Bro. Both time and money would be much better spent on building your case.

Lion1234 wrote:Wife announced she wants a divorce but wants to keep the house.
The moment you finish that house, that's exactly what'll happen. One way or the other, she'll get Exclusive Use and Occupancy and you'll end up paying for it.

Think of it this way: That house is your soft underbelly. In this game, everything hinges on the house. He who gets the house also gets the kids.
^^^^ Once that's established, your case will assume a life of its own. For you, everything will spiral downhill.

By renting an apartment, you've more or less leveled the playing field. But that will change the moment the house is finished.

Lion1234 wrote:We can't file in NY, we have to reside there. We can't file in NJ until 1 year from move in state date.
That means you've got 8 mos to work on a game plan. At the same time, you've also got 8 mos to establish status quo.

I trust you're keeping a well-written journal and parenting time tracker. Equally important, you should also have a dedicated, MP-3 digital recorder up and running 24/7. It'll be your only defense against phony DV charges.

Bottom line: DV charges will result in a TRO and it's guaranteed to get you kicked out of house or apartment (as the case may be).

Have you read The List??

http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=13374

Tom
Like football, family court is a game of inches. A John Madden strategy
Tom Kirkpatrick
5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 7881
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2005 11:31 pm
Location: Pacific NW

Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Chaos » Fri Jan 19, 2018 2:41 pm

She's acting like she's got a back up plan. What do you know about that?
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
User avatar
Chaos
Moderator
 
Posts: 2837
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:21 pm

Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Jan 19, 2018 2:54 pm

She's acting like she THINKS she has a game plan. She has nothing.

But I do think she came to grips with having to sell the house. Or more specifically, not keeping it.
User avatar
Lion1234
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Jan 19, 2018 3:03 pm

Tom Kirkpatrick wrote:
1) Does she have a job?? Is she fully self-supporting??

She works for cash. Maybe 2K/month

Tom Kirkpatrick wrote:2) Have you implemented austerity measures?? Cut expenses to the bone.

I have. She has her own credit cards, so no, she hasn't.

Yes I am keeping a journal, etc. And recorder is going.
I have read the list.

I know it's an uphill battle, I am trying to level the field as much as I can. House is both an asset and a liability to me, depending on where we end up with it. I am willing to pay her to stay there in return for no alimony. She offered as much. Sort of.
User avatar
Lion1234
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Havalu7 » Fri Jan 19, 2018 4:27 pm

OP you moved back in right? And you ARE still there rrrrright?

Did you abandon the apt and advise the complex or manager?

Did you put your stuff that you are not ready to lose in storage?

I know know you raised the white flag on the school; but not the move?
"No." is a complete sentence.
Do not move out of your house.
What are you grateful for?
User avatar
Havalu7
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1917
Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2016 10:43 am

Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Chaos » Fri Jan 19, 2018 4:57 pm

You misunderstand. She's acting like she's got a boyfriend.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
User avatar
Chaos
Moderator
 
Posts: 2837
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:21 pm

Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Jan 19, 2018 5:28 pm

Havalu7 wrote:OP you moved back in right? And you ARE still there rrrrright?

Did you abandon the apt and advise the complex or manager?

Did you put your stuff that you are not ready to lose in storage?

I know know you raised the white flag on the school; but not the move?


I moved back in, yes. Almost all my stuff was here anyway, I only took a couple of bags with me when I left.

There was no white flag on the school. We moved to this town BECAUSE of its schools.
User avatar
Lion1234
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Lion1234 » Fri Jan 19, 2018 5:29 pm

Chaos wrote:You misunderstand. She's acting like she's got a boyfriend.


I did misunderstand ;)

Well, if so - so what? Good for her. She's acting like she always acted when she couldn't get her way.
User avatar
Lion1234
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Working on settlement, but cannot file yet

Unread postby Chaos » Fri Jan 19, 2018 6:11 pm

There's no waiting period in NJ if there's adultery.

Normally I don't recommend a fault based divorce. In your case however, it could get the residency waiting period waived if you can prove it.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
User avatar
Chaos
Moderator
 
Posts: 2837
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:21 pm

PreviousNext

Return to Finances & Divorce Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests