Moving back to the marital home - refinancing

Get financial tips on divorce and asset division including child support laws, property division, and divorce settlements.

Re: Moving back to the marital home - refinancing

Unread postby whatever_works » Fri Jul 07, 2017 3:08 pm

Thank for chiming in Trevor. Both the questions are unanswered. STBX has not provided the answers when my lawyer asked where she (and the kids) intends to live. She currently has sole legal and physical custody. I get EOW and weekly dinner visitations.

I have a court date coming up that asks for expanding my parenting time. Now that she has brought up the home buyout, my plan is to move into the house and then ask for primary with generous time for mom... 50/50 or 49/51 etc. (a boy can dream, right?) I don't want to bother her too much with questions in case she changes her mind about moving out of the house. I will let the judge decide the children's best interests after I get the house. Makes sense?
whatever_works
500+ Posts
 
Posts: 510
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2015 6:22 pm

Re: Moving back to the marital home - refinancing

Unread postby Trevor » Fri Jul 07, 2017 3:36 pm

Well, it does as long as she plans to stay local and keep the kids local. What would be the point of all this if her plans include moving three states away to move in with her lover? [Rhet.]
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 23323
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

Re: Moving back to the marital home - refinancing

Unread postby whatever_works » Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:24 pm

Some progress on this front today. Wife heard my offer of paying her to sign the quit claim deed. She agreed to it then backed out. She is concerned about the joint mortgage. She wants her name taken off it so she can get a new mortgage. I am pretty sure my theory about her buying a two-family with her brother is on the right track. She wants her equity super quick and she wants to take out a new mortgage. So she must be looking to buy a new house. That explains why she is asking for a buy out and that puts me at ease.

So after backing out, her lawyer wanted a chat with my lawyer again and my lawyer walked away saying he is not wasting any more time on this now. If they have an offer, they can make it in writing. I loved the walk away. That totally made my day! Her lawyer was shouting behind us, used car salesman style, that they will do the deal now. But my lawyer and I walked away. It is going to cost me more to do this whole thing over email, but I don't like their sleazy tactics.

I am now thinking about playing it super slow to frustrate them even more. I will ask my lawyer to not reply to their emails for a while. The downside is that I will not be able to move in to my marital home anytime soon. But I will probably get a better deal by being a reluctant buyer too.
whatever_works
500+ Posts
 
Posts: 510
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2015 6:22 pm

Re: Moving back to the marital home - refinancing

Unread postby Trevor » Mon Jul 17, 2017 6:34 pm

Trevor wrote:Well, it does as long as she plans to stay local and keep the kids local. What would be the point of all this if her plans include moving three states away to move in with her lover? [Rhet.]

And to this point? Would your decision be different with assurance that she will stay local, relinquishing the kids to remain in the marital home if she buys outside the school district?
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 23323
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

Re: Moving back to the marital home - refinancing

Unread postby whatever_works » Mon Jul 17, 2017 7:27 pm

I am not able to picture her moving several states away with a lover. I understand stranger things have happened. But at some point, you have to plan based on probabilities of events. Her chance of moving back to India is more likely than across the states. (NH maybe likely since it is close. But I see it the same as moving several towns away)

Since I am not expecting her to move far away, I am not too concerned about getting any assurances. I asked my lawyer what happens if she moves to a different school district 20 minutes away (with her brother) and my lawyer said that makes our job easier because the judge will move the children back to the same school district easily.
whatever_works
500+ Posts
 
Posts: 510
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2015 6:22 pm

Re: Moving back to the marital home - refinancing

Unread postby Trevor » Mon Jul 17, 2017 9:08 pm

Easily, sure...but not as easily as your lawyers billable hours with rack up. So you're saying it's so inconceivable that you're not going to take any preventative steps?
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 23323
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

Re: Moving back to the marital home - refinancing

Unread postby whatever_works » Tue Jul 18, 2017 9:50 am

I think I can have my lawyer mention moving to "within x miles" when the time comes to write this up. But until that time, I don't want to do anything to scuttle this deal.

My problem is that of negotiation right now. She wants to get her equity asap. And she wants to get her name off the mortgage asap too. Those are the two things I know. I waited (intentionally) about a month to give her any indication of what I was thinking. Her lawyer expressed her frustration to the judge during this time. When she learned my proposal was to get her off the deed but not off the mortgage (right away), she thought I was trying to screw her somehow. That is why she refused. Now that she has had the time to think, she will come around.

At this point, my lawyer is pissed and I want to act pissed. I am going to tell my lawyer to respond super slow. But I am a little worried that she might offer a deal and then change her mind if I don't reply. In case my wife and her family have a house lined up that they want to buy, she might want to make a deal now. By not replying, I hope I don't jeopardize my best chance to get the house back.

Also, like you said, lawyer's billable hours are a concern. I was hoping to get this resolved in court. But that did not work. Now it will be done via emailing back and forth, racking up those charges. But I don't see any way out of this jam.
whatever_works
500+ Posts
 
Posts: 510
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2015 6:22 pm

Re: Moving back to the marital home - refinancing

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Tue Jul 18, 2017 12:31 pm

whatever_works wrote:I think I can have my lawyer mention moving to "within x miles" when the time comes to write this up.
When (not if) push comes to shove, this will never be enforced.

Instead, you want geographic restriction to your local school. Your kids will keep their friends, their neighborhood, their activities, etc.

Just because you're getting divorced doesn't mean your kids' lives hafta be unnecessarily (by virtual default) disrupted. Remember, this is about best interest.

whatever_works wrote:She wants to get her equity asap.
If need be, she can take her equity in the form a second mortgage. Then she can use it as collateral. For that matter, she could even sell it. Be sure to handle this transaction thru escrow.

Tom
Everyone is entitled to my opinion. - Maxine™
Tom Kirkpatrick
5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 7519
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2005 11:31 pm
Location: Pacific NW

Re: Moving back to the marital home - refinancing

Unread postby whatever_works » Tue Jul 18, 2017 7:46 pm

I understand the need for geographic restriction. But what if my wife doesn't agree to it? In the past, if I asked her where she was moving, she decided she didn't want to talk about selling. This time, my lawyer suggested not switching the mortgage and she decided she didn't want the deal. It is easy for me to ask for geographic restriction, but she will never agree to it. Which means I have to either:

1. be prepared to NOT buy her out, giving up my chance to get custody, or
2. take my chances with buying her out and letting her move wherever she wants and then ask the judge to give me custody

Which approach is preferable?

> If need be, she can take her equity in the form a second mortgage. Then she can use it as collateral. For that matter, she could even sell it. Be sure to handle this transaction thru escrow.

I am not sure what this means. I was going to pay her with the money we have in an escrow account from selling another home. Essentially turning over the escrow account to her. I was going to write a check for the remaining the amount. This transaction would settle the house and escrow accounts. Then we can settle the remaining saving accounts and retirement accounts etc during the trial.
whatever_works
500+ Posts
 
Posts: 510
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2015 6:22 pm

Re: Moving back to the marital home - refinancing

Unread postby Trevor » Tue Jul 18, 2017 8:12 pm

Not having custody but your kids being local is better than having a metric < feces > ton of custody when they live 3 states away.

And the first option doesn't prevent you from furthering your cause organically (or in court), while a fight to get into court before she establishes residency three states away (dragging her feet every step) would probably be exponentially costlier.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 23323
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

PreviousNext

Return to Finances & Divorce Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Yahoo [Bot] and 6 guests