Out of State Parenting/< parenting time >

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: Out of State Parenting/< parenting time >

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:18 pm

with only being 1 mile away, what is preventing you from engaging your son directly? He is 14 years old, which means he probably has a phone with internet capabilities no? What is stopping YOU from being more involved day to day?

Is this the type of relationship you want to have with your adult son? Because if it isn't, you don't have much time left to change that trajectory. You can lament what isn't and has never been instead of jumping feet first into changing what is and what will be.

Look, you can side step all you want, but you have given up. Do you want to change? I think you do, otherwise why would you be on the internet soliciting feedback on what looks like one of the most impactful choices in your life? Of course your scared and defensive, but the simple fact that you are trying to look outside your perspective is a great sign.

What do you think your son wants? Start with that before you made any choices. If your wife truly loves you without conditions, she will support that 100%. If not, you need to get out now, because she will always expect you to choose her over your own flesh and blood.
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Re: Out of State Parenting/< parenting time >

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:21 pm

oh, and not what you think your son wants, understanding from his perspective the type of relationship he wants with you. No way you really know that without listening which means you need to start communicating.
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Re: Out of State Parenting/< parenting time >

Unread postby madalex » Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:47 pm

lieu910 wrote:I don't appreciate a sermon on the "benefits that living a mile away pose" In the six years that I have been divorced, I have watched my ex-wife systematically wage a somewhat effective campaign of alienation against me, interfering with < parenting time >, undermining decisions made under my roof. She has blocked all of my efforts to share custody and/or increase my < parenting time > time by selfishly manipulating the children into being terrified of any type of legal actions by me to get more time with them. Fearing they would have to talk to a judge about how they feel about increased or shared < parenting time >. She also reinforces that fear by telling them she may have to work a part-time job (funny because she only works part-time), or they may have to sell the house they grew up in if dad get's more or equal < parenting time > time. Restraining orders against me simply because I grabbed my son by the shirt collar when he was being disrespectful to a teacher and to me.


For any newbies reading this thread, what OP has posted above is a perfect example of why you have to fight tirelessly to stay in your children's lives. He backed down due to his fear of the mother and, as a result, six years later he has little or no relationship with both of his kids. Don't let this be you!
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Re: Out of State Parenting/< parenting time >

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:48 pm

excellent point!
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Re: Out of State Parenting/< parenting time >

Unread postby lieu910 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:55 pm

massdad1234 wrote:with only being 1 mile away, what is preventing you from engaging your son directly? He is 14 years old, which means he probably has a phone with internet capabilities no? What is stopping YOU from being more involved day to day?

Is this the type of relationship you want to have with your adult son? Because if it isn't, you don't have much time left to change that trajectory. You can lament what isn't and has never been instead of jumping feet first into changing what is and what will be.

Look, you can side step all you want, but you have given up. Do you want to change? I think you do, otherwise why would you be on the internet soliciting feedback on what looks like one of the most impactful choices in your life? Of course your scared and defensive, but the simple fact that you are trying to look outside your perspective is a great sign.

What do you think your son wants? Start with that before you made any choices. If your wife truly loves you without conditions, she will support that 100%. If not, you need to get out now, because she will always expect you to choose her over your own flesh and blood.


No offense - but you have no idea what you are talking about, so you "look"

I am here to listen to those who may have practical suggestions for how parents have managed out of state < parenting time >. Not listen to you pontificate about my sons internet and phone access and how any of that has any bearing on my ability to parent or completely wrong assumptions that I have given up on my children. Who do you think you are saying such things knowing so little of the dynamics of everyone involved?

You're way over skis professor.
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Re: Out of State Parenting/< parenting time >

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:01 pm

you cannot effectively build a relationship halfway across the country. There are no practical solutions to abandoning your child ironically for someone else's family.

Spin it however you like kimosabe
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Re: Out of State Parenting/< parenting time >

Unread postby lieu910 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:07 pm

madalex wrote:
lieu910 wrote:I don't appreciate a sermon on the "benefits that living a mile away pose" In the six years that I have been divorced, I have watched my ex-wife systematically wage a somewhat effective campaign of alienation against me, interfering with < parenting time >, undermining decisions made under my roof. She has blocked all of my efforts to share custody and/or increase my < parenting time > time by selfishly manipulating the children into being terrified of any type of legal actions by me to get more time with them. Fearing they would have to talk to a judge about how they feel about increased or shared < parenting time >. She also reinforces that fear by telling them she may have to work a part-time job (funny because she only works part-time), or they may have to sell the house they grew up in if dad get's more or equal < parenting time > time. Restraining orders against me simply because I grabbed my son by the shirt collar when he was being disrespectful to a teacher and to me.


For any newbies reading this thread, what OP has posted above is a perfect example of why you have to fight tirelessly to stay in your children's lives. He backed down due to his fear of the mother and, as a result, six years later he has little or no relationship with both of his kids. Don't let this be you!


Wrong: I have zero fear of the mother. When my son comes to me in tears practically begging me not to fight for more time with him because "mom will have to sell the house and get a part-time judge, and I don't want to have to talk to a judge" I made a decision on their behalf not to do something that would trigger any additional stress or emotional anguish for them.

I hate to see any deserving/loving parent marginalized by the opposing "co-parent". I struggled with this mightily and after much discussion with attorneys and family counselors. However, the reality of the situation is not at all as simple as your inaccurate summation.
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Re: Out of State Parenting/< parenting time >

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:08 pm

OP, you aren't special or unique. One of the benefits of this board is a thing called consilience. We may not know the names and body weights of the players in your drama, but we sure as < edited > know what we're talking about.

You want to parent from across the country? Go ahead, son. See what happens to your relationship with your son who, despite you being a couple blocks away, has seen your relationship diminish. It doesn't take someone who knows your name to understand clearly where this is headed.

Pls let us know whether we should continue to bother; your defensiveness is preventing our effectiveness, which has proven itself over the years and in thousands of cases.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: Out of State Parenting/< parenting time >

Unread postby afc » Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:09 pm

I know the more probing questions get more attention but could you please try and answer the two questions I asked you about finances and your wife?
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Re: Out of State Parenting/< parenting time >

Unread postby lieu910 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:22 pm

massdad1234 wrote:you cannot effectively build a relationship halfway across the country. There are no practical solutions to abandoning your child ironically for someone else's family.

Spin it however you like kimosabe


How interesting. I'm part American Indian, which is the only accurate assumption you have made so far. What racial slur do you have next for me?
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