I've been lost for nearly 7 years

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: I've been lost for nearly 7 years

Unread postby kgr1989 » Wed Jan 10, 2018 12:19 pm

Not sure if I conveyed this the right way, but I wasn’t the one who walked out on my two other kids. She left me when I had started to mention things weren’t working out and she vanished only to pop up halfway across the country from me and where we last lived. I do want to be involved in their lives, but they don’t know me and I don’t know them. I want to change that, but moving clear across the country and uprooting myself and my family here is a hard decision to make. Like I mentioned before, I have a daughter who is two with my girlfriend that I’ve been with for several years and her and I got together several years after my “ex” left me. It wasn’t a mistake. It wasn’t something that I believe I should be told was a mistake either. I was tired of being alone and wanted to move on with my life to some degree. We also have custody of her sister who is not young and uprooting her from here could be a very hard thing to do to a teenager.

Sorry if this comes across as defensive. Just further explaining my decisions.

As for my work, I am employed as a Heavy Equipment Transporter through a very large family owned Wrecker company. I get full time benefits, paid vacation, matched 401k, etc. and I’m home every single night, off every weekend if I want to be, and I take my truck home every night as well. Might not sound like a lot, but in this field benefits like these are rare and I doubt I’d find another place that offers a similar package unless I decided to do OTR trucking. My girlfriend and I live together obviously and she works from our home 90% of the time for a software data indexing company.

I didn’t walk out on my children’s lives, but I was young, mislead, and stupid when she took off and too much time has passed to make this an easier decision.

Regardless though, I need to find her. I have tried two different websites that I paid for and followed up on the information I got from them, but it didn’t lead to anything. I called the sheriffs department and had them perform a well check at the addresses I got from them but was told they don’t live there.
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Re: I've been lost for nearly 7 years

Unread postby kgr1989 » Wed Jan 10, 2018 12:21 pm

If I had to have a long distance relationship with my kids I would definitely do so. It’s better than what I have now which is nothing at all. At least I’d have something to build on and they’d know that I love them and who I am.
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Re: I've been lost for nearly 7 years

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Jan 10, 2018 5:38 pm

Don't misunderstand - we're not beating you up. But your goals are self-centered and not child-centered. At least not the OK kids.

We understand she was the one that took off. We understand that you didn't take all the steps you could those many years ago. We can read.

But knowing you were/are still married and the father of kids who lived *somewhere* else, yet choosing to plant roots where your existing kids were/are *not* living, was indeed a mistake. Like it or not. It's not one you can fix easily, but with your present priorities, is nearly impossible.

Think of the kids - through no fault of their own, they have a Dad they don't know, who lives 1,500 miles away. Because the mother played keep-away for all the years, they may not even know you are alive. Now all of a sudden, there's this stranger who demands the kids to embark on a step-up program, slowly spending supervised time (yes, it will probably start as supervised), though he only can afford to show up [n days] per month. Over time, the kids would be allowed to hang out with Dad at a hotel. The court would want a certain amount of time and comfort for the kids to spend extended time with you...and I imagine the mother will be fighting this at every step. The venue for this legal action will be where the kids live, not where you live. Why? Because she was allowed (for whatever reason) to establish residency where she lives in OK.

Now - compare the court's perspective on the above scenario with one where Dad lives ten minutes away, and inside their school district.

I am not trying to pee in your cheerios, but your reasons are weak compared to the value the two kids would have with a Dad in their lives. A Dad who was willing to do what it takes to be in their lives - knowing their teachers, coaching their soccer team, and introducing them to their half-sibling.

Bottom line - your stated priorities will make it easy for the courts to preserve the status quo for the OK kids. I am on your side - I hope you can make this happen - but doing so half a country away from them is a rubbish solution.

Your job as Dad is to make it an easy decision for the court. And for that you need proximity.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: I've been lost for nearly 7 years

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Jan 10, 2018 7:46 pm

there will be an infinite amount reasons to give up, but the two most important are counting on you. You're making the problems of two grown adults their problems, you're making them bear the burden, you are blaming them.

When you point the finger, you have 3 more pointing right back at you. You know what you have to do.

Do or do not, there is no try
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