Help with phone access to kids

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 2:22 pm

LovingDadof2 wrote:She's different because she didn't wait a single day before injecting a new dynamic (boyfriend) into their lives - she moved in her boyfriend on Day 1.


Welcome to the club.

Its a club that none of us want to be a member of, but here we are.
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Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Jan 08, 2018 3:05 pm

At least yours waited until you were separated before introducing the kids.

I'm in a different club.
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Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 3:14 pm

It was before we were divorced but yes we were separated at that point.

Either way it confuses and hurts the kids.
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Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby picachu » Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:26 pm

LovingDadof2 wrote:...Our parenting contract states that we both shall have "reasonable, direct access to kids via phone, video, etc." My Ex has been stating that she was in the process of getting a house phone, but recently informed me she will now not. Ex wants all discussions with kids to continue through her cell phone. ...

Just get a pre-paid mobile phone plan in your name and a $15 flip phone. Give the phone to the older kid. 9 y.o. is quite capable of handling that. If you ex takes the phone away from the kid, then address the issue via your attorney.
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Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 5:14 pm

Yeah, it hurts the kids. So glad I fought her for the home and forced her to move. I would hate to think of the mental anguish my kids would be going through with boyfriend sleeping on Dad's side of bed and sitting in his chair at dinner table on Day 1. It's never amazes me how selfish some human beings can be.

I will either do a prepaid phone or get kids old android that works via WiFi.
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Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby massdad1234 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 6:01 pm

your awfulizing things, you should sit with that for a moment. Your kids are resilient and there is no real abuse taking place. You need to sit with why you keep circling back to this frame of mind.

Do you scrutinize the teachers, dare care providers, coaches, parents, principals etc to this same level? You are going to have to get used to letting go and not only that trusting the mother.

Do you honestly think you can foster an open and communicative relationship with the mother if you are playing Sherlock Holmes with a dude that more than likely won't be on the scene in 12 months?

Would you want to be subjected to the same inquiries and investigations with any relationship you decide to embark on?
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Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby Started Over » Mon Jan 08, 2018 6:47 pm

Mine was pregnant 3 months after we separated and my kids were calling her boyfriend's mom "grandma."

Point being, get over it.
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Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby massdad1234 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 8:18 pm

kids take their queues from the parents. Are you 100% certain that your children see things exactly as you see it? Think for a second that you aren't the center of their universe (we all think we are), think back when you were a kid, did exactly how your dad would think and feel be the #1 barometer you used to decide everything? Because that is the only way that they come to your state of anguish. Change is inevitable, better to teach your kids that everything changes and we cannot control that. We can however control 100% how we react to something.
LovingDadof2 wrote:mental anguish my kids would be going through with boyfriend sleeping on Dad's side of bed and sitting in his chair at dinner table on Day 1

If you think they will be this tore up sitting at a dinner chair, how do you think they will cope with things that actually happen to them?
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Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 7:57 am

massdad1234 wrote:there is no real abuse taking place.
Please stop citing abuse, I have never once even implied that and am not distracting or taking this post there.

massdad1234 wrote: Are you 100% certain that your children see things exactly as you see it?
I love your posts but sometimes it seems your go to answer is always an EQ psyche question? I have only posted what my kids have said to me verbatim. I am not paraphrasing and projecting. They are now living under a roof where there is constant conflict.

massdad1234 wrote:If you think they will be this tore up sitting at a dinner chair, how do you think they will cope with things that actually happen to them?
Can we agree that 2 children under the age of 10 cannot comprehend all the complexities of divorce. I believe it's recommended that parents wait a minimum of 6-12 months before introducing any significant other to their children? Why, because children need to feel secure and loved and know they are the center of each parents universe as they adapt and transition. Kids shouldn't have to compete for Mom's attention.

massdad1234 wrote:your awfulizing things
This is actually happening to them. Last night they again brought the issue when speaking up on the phone. It's real, especially if they are now saying it within earshot of Mom. No need to over complicate this post, my kids are tired from their habitual fighting. I cannot control my EX and I am not trying to. As their Dad I have two choices: I can either ignore this issue by telling myself "kids are resilient and I need to trust the mother" or I can try to help them when they reach out. I am choosing the latter. I know I can't change the dynamic over there, but maybe I can learn and give them some new tools to help them cope? Any ideas?

I am asking for help from fellow dad's that have been through this on how to educate my children to deal with this issue? What exactly did you tell your kids? What coping mechanisms are available to them? Can we steer this thread back to b&w ideas on how to help my children please?
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Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:26 am

You should really take a step back and reread this thread objectively.

The reason I asked those questions is you are looking at things from your perspective. You are projecting your adult thoughts and feelings into their lives and assuming that is their position, that they see things exactly as you see them.

I go to your psyche because clearly it bothers you (the boyfriend) and it is disturbing your peace. Kids also take their queues from their parents. If they think dad wants to hear these things, they might say whatever it is they think you want to hear. None of that is what I think your intent is, which is to protect your children and have open lines of communication.

Lastly, how can i understand where you are coming from if i don't ask those types of questions? How can you feel like i have put thought into my responses if you don't think i listened to a word you said? How can i provide advice if you don't think i understand what it is you are really saying?

We are here for you brother, but it feels like to me your peace is disturbed and you are the primary reason (fixation on your ex's love life) and your need to exert control. You can't control the relationship they have with their mother (I tried as well), you simply have to worry about your relationship as their dad and teach them as best you can. Let her worry about her relationship with both your kids.
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