Help with phone access to kids

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 12:09 pm

My Ex and I have been living apart for just a few short weeks, so trying to get a handle on adjusting to new life, reducing conflict for the kids (2 kids 9 and under) and yet establish proper boundaries.

Our parenting contract states that we both shall have "reasonable, direct access to kids via phone, video, etc." My Ex has been stating that she was in the process of getting a house phone, but recently informed me she will now not. Ex wants all discussions with kids to continue through her cell phone. I understand in today's day and age, many people do not have a house phone (I have $5 month internet phone that works through the landline, so a house phone is certainly affordable) but I do not like her response for two reasons:

    1. She has in the past recorded our phone conversations. I would not be surprised if she's still recording when I speak to the kids.

    2. I already know for a fact her felon boyfriend once took away her phone during a violent altercation (this happened when we were married). Therefore, he's certainly capable of doing it again.

I am most concerned about #2, the safety issue. In the 3 short weeks since she's been out, my kids have now told me twice (within the first 5 minutes of picking them up mind you) that they are constant fighting and arguing. I certainly ever don't ask, but do listen to my kids as they obviously need to let this out. There is a history of drug use between Ex and boyfriend.

As things stand, kids have no access to help w/o asking Mom for her phone. If boyfriend is beating up Mom, they'll have no reasonable way of getting her phone. Plus, she'd defend boyfriend and never left the kids call me or police (for fear of CPS repercussions). Kids really have no access to help for this kind of trouble. I understand I probably have no legal right to ask for a independent phone, right?

If not, I want to explore other ways to protect them. I am thinking of buying them old Android phones and setting them up for WiFi only calling (I cannot afford and they are too young for cellular plan). But problem is, I don't know Mom's WiFi passcode to set up phones. Therefore I'd need to inform Ex. If Ex doesn't agree to me giving them phones for her house, any other ideas? It's a volatile environment over there and I just want an easy way for my kids to get help. I find it incredibly selfish and mind-blowing that Ex cannot see these issues and is putting her own relationship ahead of her own kids best interest (but hey, that's why we're divorced).
User avatar
LovingDadof2
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 365
Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:34 pm

Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 12:12 pm

This might be hard to hear but.....let it go.

There really isn't anything you can legally do or reasonably do.
the funniest thing about this particular signature is that by the time you realize it doesn't say anything it's to late to stop reading it
lovingfatherof2
2.5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 2541
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2015 12:50 pm

Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Mon Jan 08, 2018 12:18 pm

Any device with a SIM should be capable of emergency calls even without a plan. A $5 dumbphone would do.
User avatar
OrigamiDragon
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 123
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:12 am

Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Jan 08, 2018 12:21 pm

I remember when...

There's no requirement to have a phone.
User avatar
Fatheroffour
Moderator
 
Posts: 36730
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:37 am
Location: Top of the world

Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby Trevor » Mon Jan 08, 2018 12:27 pm

You need to have a safety conversation with the that isn't predicated upon the mother's phone.

What are you doing to help them deal with those uncomfortable situations? You sure took a big leap from arguing to assault, no?

What is the longest time period between your court-ordered parenting time? You used the term "contract" - is this a court-sanctioned parenting settlement agreement to which you both assented?
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 23691
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 12:42 pm

What are you doing to help them deal with those uncomfortable situations?
To date, I have explained to them how no other person is to see them naked (except parents and pediatrician) or touch their privates. They are also well aware that no one is allowed to lay a hand on them.

I am opening asking you, my peers, for help and guidance here. I know there are lots of topics to cover with them. From your experience, what are the must have discussion points?

You sure took a big leap from arguing to assault, no?
No. I have solid proof he assaulted her previously. I am worried it will happen again or worse, to my kids.

What is the longest time period between your court-ordered parenting time? You used the term "contract" - is this a court-sanctioned parenting settlement agreement to which you both assented?
We have the 2,2,5,5 parenting schedule that we agreed to in mediation and the judge accepted as part of our final divorce proceedings.
User avatar
LovingDadof2
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 365
Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:34 pm

Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby massdad1234 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 12:49 pm

do you knowingly put your children in harms way? Do you knowingly put them in situations in which harm is a likely outcome?

because if the answer is no to all, what makes you think that your ex is any different? you negotiated 50/50 which is great, but this is part of not having your kids 50% of the time. The time to screen out the mother and her abilities to parent are over, there is no court order to undo that one and she is 180 degrees from there.

You are essentially saying that your ex shouldn't be trusted to make decisions for the child, that all of those must come through you and get your approval. The phone is just a symptom of you trying to control something you can't control.
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1784
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby massdad1234 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 12:51 pm

how do you know this and describe the actual abuse to the children or mother that is taking place. Things that not only you, but other adults can corroborate?
LovingDadof2 wrote:It's a volatile environment over there
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1784
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 1:22 pm

She's different because she didn't wait a single day before injecting a new dynamic (boyfriend) into their lives - she moved in her boyfriend on Day 1. A boyfriend that has a felony record for selling drugs and violent misdemeanor arrests. Does that sound like a mother that's more concerned about helping her kids cope as they transition through this divorce or her own relationship?

Look, I get it. I have no control. But shouldn't I be doing everything possible to help protect my kids? I am asking if there is something I should or can do? What's the harm in offering a WiFi phone for kids? Isn't that helping them learn how to protect themselves.

Q: How do I know if volatile at Ex's?
A: Conversations with kids. I never stated abuse so please don't steer this off topic. They complain immediately (I mean within minutes of getting into car). They go on and on about the day and night arguing and when finished, both let out big sighs (as if a huge weight has been lifted off their chests). Oldest has been woken up numerous times in middle of night to their arguing. Youngest went from defending Mom (refuted they were fighting) to now corroborating everything oldest is saying. It's only been 3 weeks... I can see the internal struggle in their eyes. They have no reason to lie or make this up. They openly worry I'll tell Mom and she'll discipline them. They also know the very last thing I want to talk about is Mom and her boyfriend. And yet they still do. Why? As their Dad, my guess is because they are tired of all the fighting and want peace at her home. It's gotten so bad that both kids said the boyfriend should just not go there any more to avoid Mom arguing with him.
User avatar
LovingDadof2
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 365
Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:34 pm

Re: Help with phone access to kids

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Mon Jan 08, 2018 1:27 pm

It's either serious enough for them to call 911 (emergency dumbphone) or it's outside your control. I get it, you want to be the hero. But the system doesn't recognize you in that capacity.
User avatar
OrigamiDragon
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 123
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:12 am

Next

Return to Parenting - Child Custody Forum and Child Support Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: madalex, Yahoo [Bot] and 11 guests