Financial milestone, i'm moving the kids out of district!

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Financial milestone, i'm moving the kids out of district!

Unread postby Gforce » Thu Jan 04, 2018 4:45 pm

Long time reader first time on the board.
General back ground is; S10, D7 Mediated divorce with one year separation prior to the one year of being divorced. We have a 50/50 agreement that is often leaning more to the DW as I have military duty at times and she’s accepted ROFR. That’s ending this year. I can’t wait to get that time with the kids! Divorce is in Oregon.

She currently works in a field that she loves, but is earning half, or less, of what she’s previously made in another field.
Currently it’s time, per the divorce decree, to have the awarded home ( to DW) refinanced and my name removed from the mortgage.

Over the past year there’s been an extreme dragging of the feet with financial matters. In the decree there’s a timeline to transfer the out of joint accounts, any financial joint anything and other. Phone, Cable, Car insurance, Car Tags (she can’t find the car title) etc. The parts I was to complete myself were completed (any bank, CC ones) and she’s been extremely slow or unable to complete her parts, IE present herself to finalize the account action that was set up by me, to transfer to her. Last week during one of our infrequent phone calls I mentioned that the time is coming up and how does it look for her in relation to the mortgage. Her immediate response was “What do you need to buy and why do you need to be off of the mortgage?” I mentioned that I was asking where she was with the process and that, “no I didn’t need to buy anything and that I was very interested in not being entangled financially post-divorce.” That was it.

The next day she texted, at some point we need to talk about the house. Four hours later, I’m going to sell the house in the spring. The ripple effect will be massive in many ways! At this point I’m like WTF? She has a HX of going off the deep end and I just let her cool off and it’s normally good until the next time.

I call her and she’s reasonably calm stating that she can’t take over the mortgage (she has many family members that could help) and that now she’s going to have to sell the house in the spring and move the kids. Then she starts in on cussing me and the whole I’m the worst and she’s always been the victim, her MO. It gets way out of control. At this point I’m in damage control as I get her to admit that she’s leveraging the mortgage take over to not move the kids out of district. I’m concerned that she’s planning to move the kids out of district anyway.

This is where I’m unprepared and for that, I’m concerned. Any insight would be appreciated.
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Re: Financial milestone, i'm moving the kids out of district

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:37 pm

I am shocked that you're one year past divorce and yet still deeply entangled with her financially. Long-time reader? Really? [Rhet.]

Whatever you do, don't use the same lawyer who helped you negotiate that poor excuse of a settlement.

And don't use "DW" if it means "dear wife" because, if it's true that you're divorced, you no longer have one of those and could be confusing to other posters. Based on the context, it doesn't seem that you've gotten a new one.

What have you done to enforce the other terms that she has missed? Have you filed motions to enforce, or contempt? (These would be the incentives your legal counsel would have put in place to ensure he had a new beamer by now.)

Not knowing the details, but understanding that she agreed to these terms, you may have a bit of leverage there to force her to get off her < hindquarters >.

But certainly you need to cut her off of every financial connection immediately - she has clearly milked your settlement by doing nothing to emancipate herself from Divorce Dole. Hold her starkly accountable for every one of them the moment your agreement specifies, like the sale date of the home.

Which begs the question, after a year of her dragging her feet, while you are supposedly reading posts here, how the < edited > are you either surprised or unprepared?
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Re: Financial milestone, i'm moving the kids out of district

Unread postby lionel2013 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:41 pm

Currently it’s time, per the divorce decree, to have the awarded home ( to DW) refinanced and my name removed from the mortgage.


Your post is very confusing.

Also: What does DW stand for, Divorced Wife?

Based on the quote above, it would appear she is threatening to do something which would violate a court order. If she attempts that file a motion to compel/motion to show cause, take her back to court.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
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Re: Financial milestone, i'm moving the kids out of district

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:49 pm

who wrote the decree?
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Re: Financial milestone, i'm moving the kids out of district

Unread postby Gforce » Thu Jan 04, 2018 6:53 pm

To answer some of the questions posted.

The divorce was a mediated settlement without lawyers.

I was under an incorrect impression that DW meant divorced wife. :shock:

As for items missed, I’ve emailed, called and threatened closing accounts before. That behavior has gotten movement from her. The car was a tough one.

I do feel that I’m unprepared as I didn’t think she’d leverage the known and agreed upon change of home ownership to somehow threaten me with the “effects” of the sale. Which she describes as moving the kids as she cannot afford the area or smaller homes other options. It’s just odd as it was her #1 want out of the mediation proceedings.I Now it’s some sort of burden she has to bear and cannot afford.

Currently I’m living 3 miles away and the kids have school friends (neighbor family’s son is a classmate of my son’s) on the street and the environment is quite wonderful for the kids.

As of this November we’re finished with the financial entanglement, finally.

As I’m reading over the decree it states the below:
Contact Information/Relocation. Each of us shall inform the other parent of any change in our contact information, including residence address, telephone number, and work address and phone number. Should one of us consider relocating to a residence more than 60 miles from the other parent, that parent shall provide the other parent with at least 60 days advance written notice, and shall also provide a copy of the notice to the court. If such relocation would seriously disrupt the parenting schedule, we agree to renegotiate a workable plan, using a mutually agreeable mediator if necessary.
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Re: Financial milestone, i'm moving the kids out of district

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Jan 04, 2018 7:31 pm

So, you're saying that all of the other financial entanglements are now resolved, leaving only the sale of the home? Good.

Stop talking to her about her about anything except those things necessary to execute the sale of the home, and necessary things about the kids (schoolwork, logistics, soccer matches).

That she may have to move is not your problem. It's not even the kids' problem. She knew this more than a year ago, and the onus on her was to plan a solution. Don't allow her to waste your time listening to her whine about her imminent reality, or allow yourself to be her whipping boy.

Look at it this way (and don't say this to her) - if the house sells and she has to move, nothing will change except where they live when with her. If that's more than 60 miles or in a different school district, you'll file (with a lawyer) to seek a modification such that your residence would be the one that determines the schools.

Don't try this on your own - start looking for a lawyer now, with the money you saved by not using one last time. This one's too important to go on the cheap.
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Re: Financial milestone, i'm moving the kids out of district

Unread postby Gforce » Fri Jan 05, 2018 1:11 pm

Yes, correct.
I agree to your points made and am keeping communication all business/kids orientated.

Trevor wrote:Don't allow her to waste your time listening to her whine about her imminent reality, or allow yourself to be her whipping boy.

I've gotten alot better at not being this, but thanks for the mention.

Trevor wrote:Look at it this way (and don't say this to her) - if the house sells and she has to move, nothing will change except where they live when with her. If that's more than 60 miles or in a different school district, you'll file (with a lawyer) to seek a modification such that your residence would be the one that determines the schools.

Yes, I was feeling that something like this would be the case and the responses to this post have confirmed my thoughts, position and the steps to take. Thank you.
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Re: Financial milestone, i'm moving the kids out of district

Unread postby SoxFan1986 » Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:28 am

Why wait to the spring to put the house up for sale? sounds like she is stalling...let me guess, you live up north and homes don't sell in the winter, wrong! Refi or sell, that's her two options. If she don't want to refi, get that home listed ASAP. You pick the agent, a male one.
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