2nd R3 letter

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:40 pm

reprogram yourself
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby mydaughtersfather » Thu Dec 28, 2017 7:40 pm

So here is an update.

My daughter comes home and keeps referencing her step dads house in conversation. She tells me its hard to say "Step dad" though...so she just calls him dad when she is there.

I reminded her who her dad is and she only has one. She asks me...what should I call him. I told her his name.

What do I do now guys?
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 9:39 pm

"Mr. (fill in the blank)"

As long as she knows she only has one dad....
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby Outis » Thu Dec 28, 2017 10:31 pm

Realize she's 6. Just be consistent in your use of Bob or Mr. JackAss.

While vigilance is a good thing, it's important to just relax and let things be. Find your peace, and don't let it be disturbed.
What am I to do with all this silence
Shy away, shy away phantom
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:16 am

massdad1234 wrote:reprogram yourself


Yeah, what he said ^^^^. But this time reprogram yourself to something cool. Like the Matrix and kung Fu. Or I don't know SuperDad with awesome powers.

On another note.

Do this a lot:
When you have a conversation with your daughter refer to him as Mr. (jackazz). Correct her a lot when she slips. Like this.

You: So, D how was your week with your mother and Mr. (jackazz)
D: Good Dad, step-Dad was...
You: You mean Mr. (jackazz)
D: yeah, Mr. (jackazz), any way he took me to the park.
You: Yeah, cool. Did Mr. (jackazz) bring your jacket or did Mr. (jackazz) forget again like last week?

Blah, blah blah. Use Mr. (jackazz) a lot and get her used to hearing it from your and having her repeat it. She's 6 and it will take some teaching a respectful way to talk to an adult.
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby MegaDad » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:46 am

It can be a bitter pill to swallow, this just happened to me a little while back for the first time too. My ex isn't married to her new guy either (the dude she cheated on me with actually) and I blew my lid a little when I heard "step-dad" too.

My ex was cordial about it, understood why I was upset but wouldn't go so far as telling my boys not to use the term. After I cooled off I realized that it wasn't really reasonable of me to expect that of her. I don't have the right to dictate what goes on in her house any more than she does in mine.

Nothing wrong with telling your daughter to use his name either, that's a good measured response. Keep your chin up sir, life goes on, and she knows who her daddy is :)
Last edited by MegaDad on Fri Dec 29, 2017 5:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby mydaughtersfather » Fri Dec 29, 2017 1:33 pm

Much appreciated on all the advice guys. It helps...

I am not as bothered about it personally. I know what kind of father I am and I know the bond me and my daughter have is unbreakable as I have been there every step of the way and will be.

If my ex was actively trying to get d6 to say that then thats another issue. I would consider that parental alienation and on top of the other issues I have with her being a parent I wonder if I could use that in court to gain primary physical custody.

In my opinion my d6 would be better off with me being the primary parent. Im telling you guys...my ex has always attempted to eliminate me as a parent and she always will so with that fact alone I think I need to be in the driver seat. So with this particular issue it only confirms what I already know about her...so I was curious if it gave me any ammo to accomplish that change in custody.

Thoughts?
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby steelmark » Fri Dec 29, 2017 3:59 pm

I personally protect myself against a change in custody by being an involved father and building a positive status quo.

I’ll admit every little thing that went wrong in the first year post D had me rattled, but things aren’t all rainbows and skittles in homes with both parents, so those feelings diminished.

You will learn to keep water from entering your boat. I think there is absolutely a form of PTSD after divorce, it takes a minute to shift your gears back to neutral.

You think too much about your ex, time will heal that.
Prepare and execute to win by a thousand miles, just to be in position to win by an inch.
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby MegaDad » Fri Dec 29, 2017 5:48 pm

OP,

What you are asking does not have a simple answer. IF your ex is actively encouraging your daughter to call the new man "dad" then yes, it COULD be used against her. However if you ever intend to go to court to try and change the current custody arrangement, you need an arsenal at your disposal. This sort of thing would just be a few bullets. Plus how would you prove it?

I wouldn't let it occupy your thoughts too much unless it is actually happening, and it can be proven. Focus on being superdad, that's never a bad move.
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:41 pm

she knows where your goat is. Do you think she would be so receptive of your new boo being called mom?

"You believe the term dad & MOM are reserved for you two and any sharing of that term creates confusion. You certainly will treat her with that respect. Since those terms are universally accepted for the two of us, what did you want to call this one (chances are he might not even be around that long to really care depending on how long its been since you two broke it off).
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