2nd R3 letter

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

2nd R3 letter

Unread postby mydaughtersfather » Thu Dec 28, 2017 10:52 am

Hi guys,

I had a video chat with my d6 last night and she mentioned that she got a new gift but its at her "Step-Dad's" house. Her mother was standing right next to her and did not correct her.

Of course I take great issue with this as you all do and I have been following the advice of BartSimpson. I spoke with my daughter the 1st time when she called him "daddy" and reinforced to her that she has only one daddy and mommy and that I dont want you calling him that. I sent an R3 letter with the procedure BartSimpson laid out. I have my 2nd R3 letter ready to send today where I reference the instance in a polite and professional way and in closing say if she does not stop the behavior I will seek relief in court.

Few things to add:

She is not even married yet...just engaged.

Also whats the appropriate motion? Primary Physical Custody? (I have Joint Physical and joint Legal now)

Do I seek relief if It happens a 3rd time?

Currently, my jurisdiction is in NV. Do I file to change jurisdiction to CA? We all live in Ca now for the past 6 months.

Thanks in advance for any help guys and I hope everyone had a happy holidays with their kids.
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby afc » Thu Dec 28, 2017 11:28 am

She called the guy "step dad", right?

Not "dad"?
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby mydaughtersfather » Thu Dec 28, 2017 11:32 am

She called the guy "step dad", right?

Not "dad"?


1st instance was "daddy" and I corrected that and sent my 1st R3 letter.

2nd instance was "step-dad"
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby steelmark » Thu Dec 28, 2017 11:50 am

I’m sure that stings, but put the reasonable person test to your D using the term “step dad”.

What would a reasonable person think about your D using that term?

I agree 100% on your shutting down the use of the term “daddy” which is yours exclusively.
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby mydaughtersfather » Thu Dec 28, 2017 11:58 am

I hear what your saying. There are many things regarding custody, parenting, etc that I had in my mind as being right initially before I came to this forum but I have been educated a bit by reading like situations and their outcomes.

One of the things I learned on here was to nip this type of parental alienation in the bud quick and dont let it continue. Especially she is not even married! Just seems so wrong based on that fact alone.

In the end I just want to do whats right for my daughter
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby Started Over » Thu Dec 28, 2017 12:08 pm

I don't think it's a good idea. Courts don't see referring to someone as "stepdad" and "stepmom" the same way Bart does. As a matter of fact, I got dinged for telling the kids not to call their mom's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend "Aunt Soandso" and to stop calling their mom's boyfriend's mom "Grandma." Of course, an R3 is to start dialogue - do you think your ex would be receptive to dialogue on this issue? YMMV.
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby steelmark » Thu Dec 28, 2017 12:08 pm

You did the right thing by nipping the daddy one. Stay firm on that one.

I’m not sure how long you've been divorced, but your urge to nip every little thing will lessen as you get on with living your life and being dad.

You’ll learn what matters and what is just noise. You’re going to make yourself crazy micro managing details that are important to you, but aren’t important to anyone else.

Pointing out your displeasure on a very commonly used term is allowing water into your boat.

My ex used to wear out my phone if one of my kids texted her about being sad, wanting to come to her house etc...on my time. It used to make me nuts. I just plain old started ignoring her and did my dad thing.

Point is that I stopped letting things I can’t/don’t control bother me.
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby RC611V » Thu Dec 28, 2017 12:29 pm

Just a word.

It sucks kinda the same way it sucks imagining another dude going down on your wife.

Doesn't really matter.

Worrying about the title your kid uses for another person directly and strongly contradicts the advice to not let your peace be disturbed.

If the only thing you have to worry about is this, you have 0 problems. If you are giving energy to this instead of being a better parent, going to the gym, reading a book, meditating, going for a walk, visiting your friends or family, reading up on case law, mowing the lawn, taking a shower, etc etc etc, then you're wasting time brother.

You're dad and nobody can stop that except you.
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby mydaughtersfather » Thu Dec 28, 2017 12:46 pm

I hear you guys...i just always have my guard up because I know my ex would use anything and everything against me to take away my child. (Shes done it) I have what I have today because i fought and fought some more. It wasn't because she wanted to be reasonable or do whats best for our daughter.

So I am kind of programmed to look for any instance that I could be on the offense for once. Just dont want to be in a situation where ex goes for primary again at some point while I just lay quiet and hope everything will be OK. I've learned in this process that nice guys finish last.

Thoughts?
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Re: 2nd R3 letter

Unread postby Havalu7 » Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:33 pm

OP listen to steel and don't go on offense on things you can't control.

If it's outside of your hula hoop, you can't control it.

Does that make sense OP?
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