50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Wow987 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:31 am

Background: Recently started voluntary mediation to help with formalizing the divorce agreement. Living in Georgia. 3 children younger than 10yrs old. Married for 15 years. Im working full time (40 hour weeks) and spouse has flexible work hours and works while children are at school, and some evenings. I still live in the house and want to get Parenting Plan and Financials agreed to before making the move.

Ultimately I am after a 50/50 split with having the children, but everybody around me keeps challenging me on how that is going to work with me having a full time job. I have standard working hours 8-5pm. The only option I can think of, to make it work, is I would need to put the children into after school activities (ASA) until i am able to collect them at 6pm in the evenings. Also, there are way more School holidays than work vacation days that i am entitled to. Their mother currently has the flexibility, and is surely the best person to be looking after them. I dont know how other single dads do this, but is it not in the childrens best interest to not be forced into ASA's during the alternating weeks that I would have them?

From previous feedback (thanks guys) on a previous post, I am now planning on looking for accommodation within the childrens current school zone.

Single dads, please share with me how you manage. How do you have and look after the children, while maintaining a full time job?
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Chaos » Wed Dec 13, 2017 1:03 am

The same way single working mom's do dude. We do what needs to be done.

You have already determined one possibility without even trying. After school care. That's a viable solution.

Care.com. Local high schooler that needs a part time job. Grandma, aunts and uncles. Depending on your kids ages, maybe they just need a trusted adult close by, a neighbor or a friend in the area, that they can call in an emergency.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby gamingdad » Wed Dec 13, 2017 1:17 am

Sounds like it's time to build an alien abduction plan.
What will you do if the aliens come and get mom?
Use that as a starting point to plan out your time.
Pretty soon, the oldest may be able to start watching the younger ones, depending on maturity.
Mine was 12 when he basically walked or rode his bike to school a mile away. Then he does his homework until I get home.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 6:22 am

Wow987 wrote:Their mother currently has the flexibility, and is surely the best person to be looking after them.
You need to change your mindset. You are just as good of a parent and need to be in their lives 50%. You just need to find a way.

Wow987 wrote:I dont know how other single dads do this, but is it not in the childrens best interest to not be forced into ASA's during the alternating weeks that I would have them?
My school has an afterschool program that basically can watch the kids until 6 PM. The school also offers ASA's. While I haven't started my parenting plan yet, I know this is an option and from speaking my kids friends and parents, it's seems like a great program. They get their homework done first and then get to play with friends. If they came straight home, they might not get to play with any friends that day so being in ASA's may not be as bad as you think?
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby hoosier_dad » Wed Dec 13, 2017 8:33 am

Talk to work immediately as well. See what options there might be for remote working or flexible hours. I was able to flex hours during the days I had children with me, as well as work longer hours on my off weeks.

As mentioned definitely look into after school care. Even though I was able to flex my schedule around the school day, my children still asked to stay in after school care as often as possible. They got to hang out with friends, play games, get homework done, have snacks etc. I doubt the children see it as the negative you think it is. Our school also had before school care starting at 7am, so check what the earliest time is you can drop them off.

And one thing that wasn't very natural to me was reaching out to other school parents. Build that list of parents that you can call on for help. I bent over backward to help out other parents with rides whenever possible, building that goodwill for when I needed help.

The abduction plan was one of the first tasks my attorney gave me. If we were going to argue for 50/50 custody, he wanted me to plan out our days to the minute. It wasn't good enough to refer to daycare, I had to visit nearby daycares, confirm they had openings, confirm drop off/pick up times etc. You need to be able to sit in front of the judge in court and confidently walk through your day with the children. The judge doesn't want to hear platitudes about how you'll make it work, they want to hear your specific detailed plan that you have ready to put in place day 1.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 10:30 am

Im very fortunate that I can work anywhere that there is wifi and I don't have an actual schedule that I have to follow.

Even though that is the case our kids still attend after school care. In the beginning they attended both before and after school care but now we only have them in after school care. They LOVE it.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby steelmark » Wed Dec 13, 2017 10:33 am

After school/before school care, my kids district has a great program, many do, some schools are in cahoots with the local YMCA too that will include bussing.

Flexible employer helps too, and there are some really squared away teenagers out there, the local high school might give you some guidance if they have an early childhood education program.

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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Wed Dec 13, 2017 11:15 am

My S11 and S7 are in a before and after school TKD program in Georgia that transports them to/from their schools. I drop off my kids at 6am on the days I'm parenting them, and pick them up after their lesson.

What is your plan to secure 50% parenting time? The defacto outcome from Georgia Superior Court is every other weekend for the non-custodial parent, as judges are reluctant to award joint custody. According to my attorney, the judges around metro Atlanta tend to be a bit more liberal about joint custody compared to the rural parts of the state. Regardless, if you want 50% parenting time, you need a strategy to secure it.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Bobby5000 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 2:05 pm

Your friends have asked some sensible questions. You will help no one if you lose your job and boss does not want to hear about child custody issues. Perhaps joint legal custody with physical custody with the mother, one weeknight visit, 3 weekends per month (or something like that) would make sense. And if you can move closer to your child that makes sense. In some cases, despite prior acrimony, parents can work together to some extent though that is not the rule. Keeping your job, maintaining your sanity, not increasing stress on your children, limiting legal fees, are all legitimate goals.

And one reason, many judges are loath to provide joint custody is that it can get complicated and they do not want to face future motions on scheduling issues.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Broken Machine » Wed Dec 13, 2017 4:02 pm

I have 50/50 on temporary orders. I am in limbo so far, but so far (knocks on wood), it is working. I use my vacation time more often but I have had to work some stuff at work to leave early some of the days in the week. For the late days, I had to hire a babysitter for a couple hours, and also got some help from my neighbors on another day. My life/career are going to go through some changes as I am going to retire from the military soon. I can extend a couple years or get lucky and get a new job. I am just trying to make it work for this year.

Next year, despite what happens career-wise, I will most likely utilize and after school thing that my school does. It is on-site at the school and it will give the kids opportunities to work on their homework and after that they can do activities there. What sucks is that I have to pay for the weeks that I do not use as well (I have my kids every other week). But if I have to completely eat it, I will. And then there is summer vacation. I am going to look into that for this summer as well. I have a lead right now that I will look into. It is a struggle, it is EXTREMELY overwhelming and stressful, but you can do it.
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