50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Dec 14, 2017 12:18 pm

Regulars around here mostly have second partners to handle afterschool care. That is why they don't have many answers to this question, which I've posed previously. Their answer is 'find another woman'.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Campfire » Thu Dec 14, 2017 12:24 pm

Wow,

The way I handle it as a single dad with no side chick (wtf???) is using before and after school care which is available at my D's school. In my area, childcare is available from 6:30am until 6pm at the school and if I needed more, I'd hire a sitter. Since childcare can be expensive, it behooves you to coordinate your work schedule to minimize that expense unless you wipe your bum with dollar bills.

Looks like you found your solution in your first post. Additionally, if you have family or friends in the area, that can be a bonus. Occasionally I'll watch my buddy's son if he gets in a bind and vice versa.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Chaos » Thu Dec 14, 2017 2:50 pm

Regulars around here mostly have second partners to handle afterschool care. That is why they don't have many answers to this question, which I've posed previously. Their answer is 'find another woman'.


Is that their answer or yours? I've never seen anyone on this site ever say that another woman would be helpful to a divorcing dad in any way. Can you link an example? Just one?
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Dec 14, 2017 2:54 pm

12/12/12
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby MegaDad » Thu Dec 14, 2017 2:57 pm

RC611V wrote:Regulars around here mostly have second partners to handle afterschool care. That is why they don't have many answers to this question, which I've posed previously. Their answer is 'find another woman'.



Wiggity Whaaaa? You alright today RC? You don't usually post silly < feces > like that. The "regulars" here absolutely have answers to that question, and it isn't "find another woman" not by a long shot.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby afc » Thu Dec 14, 2017 3:12 pm

In all my years here, I never heard a regular advocate getting involved with a new woman in order to have reliable childcare.

The usual advice is not to get involved with a new woman while youre sorting this stuff up because it muddies the whole thing.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby RC611V » Fri Dec 15, 2017 1:10 pm

Camp, if you didn't have afterschool you'd hire a baybsitter. So simple, sounds great.

Would this babysitter pick your kid(s) up from school? Every day? And feed them? Homework? Do they drive? Live nearby? Walk your kids from school? And how much is this going to cost? What if you have two, three, four, more kids? What if those kids go to different schools?

Just hire (multiple) someone(s). Sounds... great. Like just quit buying avacado toast and quit getting the newest iPhone and you'll easily make it into the 'middle class' and home ownership and accomplishing the 'American Dream'.

And Chaos says - The same way single working mom's do dude. We do what needs to be done.

Huh. Sounds like I should go to a single moms forum to find out what they do, 'cause nobody has any real ideas I'm hearing. Most of those single moms probably get several hundred to tens of hundreds of dollars in child support, hahaha, besides tax deductions for kids, and qualifying for free childcare due to low income numbers. And the kids' dad is... working full time. Probably on this forum asking us what to do. How to afford it when he can barely afford clothes from the thrift store for school uniforms. Huh. Ironic.

I didn't mean that the advice given here is 'find a woman'. I meant that for plenty of guys on here who seem to have it all handled so smoothly - especially those who are very dismissive when a gentleman comes on and is like, 'What am I gonna do? Who's gonna watch my kids?' - those long term guys often have a solution which they don't really talk about, and it is that they have a second relationship, a woman, who stays with their kids.
Last edited by RC611V on Fri Dec 15, 2017 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby RC611V » Fri Dec 15, 2017 1:18 pm

Saying a solution is 'afterschool care' is not a solution.

All kids go to school, and after it they all need to be cared for. So yeah, no duh, find afterschool care. That's what we're asking. How do you get your kids taken care of after school, while you're at work, since we no longer have a second adult in the home to take care of the kids after school.

One way or another, the solution is to get a another adult (not sure I'd hire a high school kid [wait, aren't they going to high school? and then homework or afterschool activites or WTF, maybe their parents have afterschool care for them?] to pick my kids up from school [in what car and with what drivers license?] and take them home and watch them for 3 hours) either in your home, or out of it, and your kids are cared for by them.

Usually one of the parents is this second adult. Society has evolved to support this second adult in the event they do not have the primary wage earner living with them. So the lower earner can get social services. But not the higher earner.

So all of us here either have a huge struggle or we have family close by or we make a lot of money (so can pay for daycare or a live-in nanny) or... some of us (but not me anymore)... have another person living with us and acting like the second adult in the home.
Last edited by RC611V on Fri Dec 15, 2017 1:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby RC611V » Fri Dec 15, 2017 1:22 pm

My oldest child is 12. I let him stay home alone for a few hours after school.

I use hopskipdrive. It is an app like Uber/Lyft but for kids.

It has been a struggle itself, because my kid has forgotten to look for the ride and missed it and I still had to pay for it obviously, but now I'm taking off work to go get my kid anyway. And it isn't all that cheap. But it is one actual solution, the first one offered in this thread. If your kid only needs a ride, and is old enough to be alone after school.

If you have younger kids, or if they are even younger and not yet in school, daycare is a monumental challenge if you don't have a real lot of either money, or family nearby to fill your shoes while you're at work.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby RC611V » Fri Dec 15, 2017 2:49 pm

Where I live -

No buses. Options for transport are walk or drive.

Homes are very expensive. I don't live near enough to walk and I'm not going to be living there. Not because I'm unwilling or my job keeps me where I'm at. I live a mile from the school. There are 3 or 4 schools at least between me and the kids' school.

Move closer? My rent is dirt cheap and I barely afford to have people pick my kid up already. I trade days with another single parent (a female one but does it matter?) who is working and has the exact same struggle I do. So we help each other out. But it means I take a few hours off every week to pick our kids up, and she does the same. So I'll never accrue any vacation time to spend with my kids during the summer. And what am I gonna do for daycare in summer? Conjure up a second adult somehow? Huh.

My two younger kids don't stay home alone. Guess who watches them during work hours they're not at preschool/school? Their mom. We are cool, and she is basically my daycare, and I pick them up from her when I'm off work.

That's how I handle it. Am I a 'bad dad' because I don't have some program or contracted service or local kid watch my kid? I have an agreement with their mom to do it, and she is cool, so I have half the nights but not half the hours in a week?

- - - -

I'm not complaining but pointing out that it isn't as easy or simple as 'we do what we need to do'.

Easier said than done. And that isn't helpful 'advice' to a guy like the OP who is asking for real advice and that's what he gets. 'Do what you need to do'.

Thanks bub.
Last edited by RC611V on Fri Dec 15, 2017 3:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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