50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Wow987 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 9:10 pm

I appreciate the feedback. Some very worth while items noted. Thank you.

What keeps on getting drilled my way is it is about quality of time, and not quantity. My time with the children (potentially every other weekend, and < parenting time > a couple nights during the week every week) will be ‘fun’ time with daddy. Although that is a positive, the kids surely need their dad more?

I want and need the best for the children, but keep on getting told I’m after what looks best for me on paper and not best for the children. Those who have/ are experiencing it now, any thoughts on the quality vs quantity ?
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Campfire » Wed Dec 13, 2017 9:57 pm

You are comparing Disney Dad to the real McCoy. Parenting is not all fun and games.

I once told my young D that I don't enjoy disciplining her. I asked her why would I do it if I don't like it. Her answer was unexpected but 100% correct.

That was some serious quality time in that moment.


Would you rather be remembered as the "fun" parent or the parent that helped sculpt your child into the adult they will become? With 50/50, you get quality and quantity. Win/win.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 10:44 pm

Who keeps saying these things? Who is "they"?
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Thu Dec 14, 2017 7:54 am

OP, are you represented by an attorney?
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Thu Dec 14, 2017 8:31 am

OP, you come across sounding like a cheerleader for your STBX, stating her 100% false argument (guilt trip really) for your to accept and become an EOW Dad.

Who is tainting you with this nonsense? Whoever it is, stop talking and listening to them.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Dec 14, 2017 8:56 am

Wow987 wrote:I want and need the best for the children, but keep on getting told I’m after what looks best for me on paper and not best for the children.

This is poison. Next time anyone says anything like this to you, look them straight in the eye, say nothing, and show them your longest finger.

What's best for the children is NOT shoving Dad into a little box to be pulled out a few times per month. Anyone who says that is a sick mother < edited >.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby steelmark » Thu Dec 14, 2017 9:37 am

No offense here OP, but that hard thing between your shoulders, you know, your spine, start using it.

DGAF what anyone tells you about how a stupid paper looks.

Get a grip, fight your < edited > off and get that 50/50, unless you want to be Disney dad and have some other fella raising your kids.

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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Broken Machine » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:00 am

Anyone who says that you or even the mother needs to have less than 50/50 when there is nothing wrong with either parent needs to <urine> up a rope. Other people don't know what is best for your kids but you. If they aren't the parent, their opinions do not matter. In fact, they might be on the side of your STBX and are trying to sabotage you. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby MegaDad » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:50 am

Agreed with all those encouraging you for 50/50 and nothing but.

As for how single dads do it....look, it seems very daunting when it's all still out in front of you, I remember that feeling very well. All the suggestions you've gotten are good ones. I myself had great success with sittercity.com and care.com. I was initially concerned about my situation (my ex and I do 7/7 with S6 and S4) because I thought it would be hard to find someone for what amounted to full time hours, but only every other week. However once you create a profile on those sites, you can lay it out line for line exactly what hours and what days you will need someone for child care. I thought if I was lucky I would get one person willing to do it, I actually received 12 applications within 24 hours, all willing to work the unusual schedule and also willing to be flexible with what I could afford to pay them. As of now, S6 is in 1st grade and S4 is in Headstart, so they are both engaged during the day now. My sitter transitioned from all day care of S4 and now comes in the mornings and helps get them to school/bus stop and then gets them both back to my place in the afternoons until I get home from work. It was actually pretty easy!

You have lots of options, and it's not as bad as you think it will be, you got this dad.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby RC611V » Thu Dec 14, 2017 12:12 pm

It's been about 8 year since I split from my ex.

I struggle every week still to find reliable and affordable care for my kids, even just a few hours after school, since they're now grown to middle-school age.

Without another human, or making a real lot of money, it is very difficult. So hopefully you have mom/aunt/close friend or whatever. Or hopefully you get along great with your ex and you cooperate. But otherwise it is a huge struggle.

Regulars around here mostly have second partners to handle afterschool care. That is why they don't have many answers to this question, which I've posed previously. Their answer is 'find another woman'.

This becomes, basically, a political issue for me, because when you do the traditional family setup things are cool and you can do it 'on your own'. But if you're single, socialist policies start to look really good, like state-funded child care for anybody with kids.

Our society is strongly set up for two options when adults have kids - mom and dad living together, or mom staying nearer the kids and dad paying support for her to do it.

It sucks but that is the reality and that's why, I think, there is such 'gravity' to fight against when you want to buck the trend.
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