50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby RC611V » Fri Dec 15, 2017 3:04 pm

urbansitter and care.com are very expensive. They've been advertised on tv and talk shows have hyped them up so they charge a lot.

I don't recommend them.

I found an app I'm loath to share since it worked so well and was actually affordable. It is called sitter (can you believe it?). The selection of people I found was really good. The first one I contacted on it met my kids, was available, and watched my kids on the same day. It felt like a miracle.

Give Sitter a try. Not sure if it is both apple and Android app. I used the apple app.

And hopskipdrive for picking kids up/dropping off.

For subsidized/mass club type care, look for Boys and Girls Club and YMCA. This may sounds like obvious and maybe you've already looked into them, but they were new ideas for me, when I was in this position. So give them a try.

And these are times when having a really solid connection to all the parents at your kids school is critical. Ask around. Find out who is going through this too, locally. Not on the forum. If I was there bro, I'd be so glad that maybe we could trade days to help each other out. But I'm just a guy at a desk typing on a computer. So, get to know the people at your school. The main secretary at your kids' school is great. She knows everybody and can give you some tips on who might want some extra cash to give your kid a ride or watch them after school for you.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby MegaDad » Fri Dec 15, 2017 3:05 pm

Damn RC, I wrote a big ol' paragraph on the exact steps I took vetting and hiring a sitter from two different websites.

Seems like an actual solution to me.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Havalu7 » Fri Dec 15, 2017 3:45 pm

Soon RC they can ride a scooter or a bike to school. Then a Ninja!

Edit: Okay how about a Yamaha 80? Kidding bra. Roger Decoster Jr!
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby mgtowthatish » Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:52 am

Wow987 wrote:Single dads, please share with me how you manage. How do you have and look after the children, while maintaining a full time job?


I have a full time job. I recommend a week on week off arrangement with exchanges on Sunday evenings (mine is 5pm) and the parent who has the kid drops them off. My STBX only lives 6 miles away. STBX works at the kids private school, which was court ordered, but I pay $375 per month ($4,500/yr) in addition to my child support obligation. When I have my sons, I drop them off at their mom's place in the morning, and pick them up on the way home from work. It works out pretty well.

Your goal as a father should be 50/50 custody of your kids. Luckily, I have that, and the only other thing I care about is not paying alimony. Other than that, there isn't much I'm fighting for. As long as you don't travel a lot for work, they can't really hold your job against you.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Dec 20, 2017 4:28 pm

To the contrary, it's long been the advice of the board that the parent beginning his/her parenting time be the one who picks up the child, and not the reverse.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby RC611V » Wed Dec 20, 2017 5:57 pm

+1 to Sensei Trevor

It really sucks to be waiting for your kid to show up. Not ever being at the whim of the kids' mom (or anybody else, for that matter) is always a good idea.

Best ever is to exchange at school. You pick them up there on your days. This is how I do it, and I haven't seen or argued with my ex in ages. It's nice.
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby Bobby5000 » Sat Dec 30, 2017 1:33 am

You wrote, " The only option I can think of, to make it work, is I would need to put the children into after school activities (ASA) until i am able to collect them at 6pm in the evenings."

If it is logistically hard, the solution is not to increase the stress on your children, but to do what you can. Maybe an active split with you get liberal parenting time makes more sense than 50/50 custody. There are failure soutlined on this board but many successes too (the successes probably do not need to write).
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Re: 50/50 split - how do working single dads make this work?

Unread postby kamoto » Thu Jan 11, 2018 8:21 pm

To Add in case I can help

I work 35 miles from the house, in an area with absolutely horrendous traffic. The 50/50 shared custody plan was such

Sun 6:00 PM to Wed 6:00 PM my EX.
Wed 6:00 PM to Sun 6:00 PM I had the kids.

On Thursday and Friday during the week, my EX had physical custody between 3:00 PM to 6:00 PM if she wanted it. Otherwise the kids were in Extended Day Care at the schools until 6:00 PM. On Wednesdays, I basically told my boss I was going thru a divorce, and would need to work from home on Wednesdays. This was vital, because it was handoff day. If I didn't collect at 6:00 PM on Wednesdays, my ex would likely have kept the kid thru the night.

The kids stopped going to Extended Day care once they entered 6th grade. They each had phones, and would call their mother when they arrived home from school. At times, I would tell the EX I won't be home until 8:30 PM on Thursdays and Fridays, and she was glad to have the kids for extended time. It wasn't without hassles, but worked out fairly well. I had 50% physical and legal custody. High school sports is where it got really challenging. Because of the every day is practice after school. I would take loads of grief that the EX was picking up the kids every day and it was unfair. This was then alleviated and I was left alone when I agreed to lease the car, make car payments, make insurance payments, and my EX as relieved at not having that expense. Now that my youngest is in high school, the grief will be non existent, because she knows I will lease the next car and save her pickup aggravation.

So give and take. Their were benefits to the schedule for the mom, their were benefits to the schedule for me. I always picked up major costs to avoid listening to grief. Being divorced means most weeks are pure bliss with no one aggravating me. After a while, I think my EX also enjoyed her non kid days where she could do things for herself.
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