Relocating

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: Relocating

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Sat Dec 09, 2017 8:21 pm

Campfire wrote:How is your credit? Any pets? Are you a smoker? Any eviction filed against you?

Advertised rents may be negotiable. The sites you are using should cover the majority of available properties. How many years do you think it will take them to save up $10,000?


Not bad, but almost non-existent. The only listings within district are 2k/month +, so it's not even within negotiation range. Probably less than a year given the financial boon she milks from me.

a dad wrote:To be clear, you want your residence to be eligible for his current school. In some districts this means you need to be in the school neighborhood. In other districts, you can petition to be in any school in the district.

So first, check with the district to see what residential limitations exist for his current school.

Second, the district should have a map or list of boundaries that you can use in your search of new housing. There may be some areas you haven't tried yet. My district has a basic map online.

And third, after getting the district map and knowing how the district handles transfers, verify that your ex's potential new place is not eligible for the current school.


I have the current map, but it will change soon. Unless I am south of the school, which I haven't seen any listings at any price besides this mobile home park for rent, I don't see a guarantee. It is a voucher district, so he should be free to go anyway, but it seems a weaker argument because I really can't take him to school and pick him up everyday and get my full-time hours in. Grandma could get him from the bus stop to the house for an hour or two though. Mother wants to move to another district that would not be eligible though.

Tom Kirkpatrick wrote:Do you have geographic restriction in your decree??

If not, moving to S5's school district will help establish status quo in that regard.

Here's the deal: She can move where she pleases. But S5 remains at his current school. At issue here is best interest.

Tom


Just the standard Indiana guidelines on relocation. I want him to stay in his current school. He is behind socially and needs some consistency until he catches up at least. I am also able to be heavily involved in his school (PTO president, regular volunteer, grandma helps in his class) and I don't know if the other school would have the same opportunities to support him. He needs it badly, he almost got suspended yesterday.

If literally the only option (the sewer one got a deposit from someone else and is off the table) is across the street, is it crazy stupid or crazy good luck?
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Re: Relocating

Unread postby Campfire » Sat Dec 09, 2017 8:33 pm

Since you believe it would take a year for her to save up, why not rent the single wide? It's only 12 months (maybe less if you negotiate a shorter lease).

Edit: Disregard, just saw it is off market.


What's your gut tell you about living directly across a narrow street from the mother? A good way to test your intuition is to ask the mother her thoughts are on it. If she is cool with it, maybe consider it. If she's not, it sounds like Season 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 of Trailer Park Boys. If you haven't seen the show, it has a lot of conflict and drama.
Last edited by Campfire on Sat Dec 09, 2017 9:21 pm, edited 4 times in total.
The List: http://www.dadsdivorce.com/father_divor ... hp?t=13374


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Re: Relocating

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Sat Dec 09, 2017 8:44 pm

is it crazy stupid or crazy good luck?


I can imagine how the proximity could work for two parents willing to coparent but maintain a laissez faire attitude about each other personal life.

I can also see how it could be a miserable experience.
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Re: Relocating

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:21 am

Campfire wrote:Since you believe it would take a year for her to save up, why not rent the single wide? It's only 12 months (maybe less if you negotiate a shorter lease).

Edit: Disregard, just saw it is off market.


What's your gut tell you about living directly across a narrow street from the mother? A good way to test your intuition is to ask the mother her thoughts are on it. If she is cool with it, maybe consider it. If she's not, it sounds like Season 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 of Trailer Park Boys. If you haven't seen the show, it has a lot of conflict and drama.


My biggest fear is she would make things up and try to get a PO issued. I am of course terrified of the power of the state should they enforce her will, but she has nothing to go on, the only contact we've had in over a year is in front of lawyers, the judge, or the Ordered counselor, with not even a foul word exchanged. I think it would actually reduce tensions as long as she didn't go nuclear, and if she did, I could get my son safer from her crazy sooner. Of course, I don't want to invite such high risk, but if I want to establish residency in his school zone, not just the district, I may literally have no other choice.

Fatheroffour wrote:
is it crazy stupid or crazy good luck?


I can imagine how the proximity could work for two parents willing to coparent but maintain a laissez faire attitude about each other personal life.

I can also see how it could be a miserable experience.


I don't care about her life, but I care a great deal about my son's. For example, it would be nice to drop him off at school instead of a stranger on days where his mom is working (she doesn't know I know that yet). Home to me is base camp to prep for things elsewhere, so other than shoveling snow or mowing the lawn, not a lot of opportunity to run into each other anyway.
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Re: Relocating

Unread postby massdad1234 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:51 am

OP - when I read FoF's post, it appears to me he means that the chances that one parent will use the proximity to insert themselves and needless drama into the situation is high.

The risk reward isn't worth the squeeze. What happens if 9 months in you find a great woman, what's the harm right?
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Re: Relocating

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Mon Dec 11, 2017 7:49 am

Let me try a clarifying my main question: Is moving across the street from my son's other residence the best thing for my son if that is my option within his school zone? In comparison the runner-up is with-in district, equally geographically close to his school, but in a different zone.

On the legal strategy side: Will giving less than 30 days notice, let alone the letter of the law asking for 90, as the non-custodial parent, to move closer, without asking for any change in the Order, cause any problems for my joint custody or parenting time?

And finally a parenting question: Is blurring the lines between my son's two homes by being so close more likely to make things easier or harder for him?
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Re: Relocating

Unread postby Trevor » Mon Dec 11, 2017 8:32 am

1. Personally, I would never choose to live that close to the mother. Ever. Maybe option 2 is the only one today, but there may be others tomorrow. Living in the school district is a strong anchor (once residency is established) to provide stability for the child about changing schools. We can't answer your question because we can't know the mother's likelihood of moving away (esp if you move across the street); or when the child will age out of the present school and into the next one, and where is that next school. Think long(er)-term in this decision.

2. No. There would be no argument that the new, closer distance would impede on the other parent's ability to exercise parenting time. The whole point of notification is to allow the other parent an opportunity to object on those terms. Closer is almost never an issue (barring protective orders and other legal restrictions placed on the moving party by the courts).

3. Depends on the kid. My kids were older and this would not have been a problem for them. But living across the street may be perceived as provocative by the mother, which could amplify behaviors/reactions that could affect the child, which you would need to deal with as a result. Do you want that?
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: Relocating

Unread postby hoosier_dad » Mon Dec 11, 2017 9:24 am

Residences tend to open up following the school calendar, more so in the spring but sometimes at the year-end break. Any chance you can hold out in a temporary situation until something opens up in the May timeframe?
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Re: Relocating

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Mon Dec 11, 2017 9:46 am

You know her best. If you think it will be interpreted as an act of provocation, then no I wouldn't do it. She may perceive it as you trying to monitor her social life, harassment, etc.? Speaking from experience, if I didn't keep the home, then I was planning on buying within visual distance of my Ex. I ended up keeping my home so it didn't matter. My Ex later found my plan out and was grateful how things ended up (she's moving away) b/c she would have never been happy if I bought around the corner.

However, if you both can benefit (easier for both parents for schedule emergencies) and keep clear boundaries (Mommy's time needs to be spent with Mommy) then it may work? Odds are low but you do hear of cases where Ex's live around the corner from one another.
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Re: Relocating

Unread postby afc » Mon Dec 11, 2017 9:50 am

Worked out for me but my kids were older and my ex was past love, hate and firmly into detached apathy by the time she wanted to divorce. And I moved pretty quick on those too. Child rearing was more like a joint business venture at that point.
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