Next step when ex won't respond

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Next step when ex won't respond

Unread postby dire » Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:10 am

S10, S11 in New York. Presently have 50/50 placement and custody, though we just finished a long trial where I'm asking for primary placement and decision making authority. No decision on that yet.

My eldest daughter (not with mother of aforementioned sons) graduates from college in the Midwest in May. That weekend will coincide with a family reunion/my grandmother's 100th birthday celebration. We are planning to be gone one week including travel time. As a result, boys would miss their 2 1/2 day mid week visit with mom. I first reached out to mom in Feb via email to let her know what our plans were and to make arrangements for make up days of her choosing. No response. I followed up again last week. No response. Any advice on where to go from here?

My previous attorney kept telling me we could bring it up with judge on last day of trial last week, but come to find out, that wasn't possible as we had already rested and only rebuttabal testimony was allowed. Appreciate any advice, gentlemen.
dire
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 12:21 pm

Re: Next step when ex won't respond

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:28 am

2 1/2 mid week visit

Please clarify. Is this an overnight? Singular or plural? If you're gone one week, this 2.5 week interval makes no sense in a 50/50 context, not yet being summer.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 22998
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

Re: Next step when ex won't respond

Unread postby dire » Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:54 am

Sorry I phrased that poorly.

Kids are with me Mon, Tues, Wed AM and with mom Wed PM, Thurs, and Friday AM. We alternate weekends and exchange after school or at noon if no school.

For the week in question, we would leave on a Monday and return Sunday. That week, they would miss Wed after school, Thursday, and Friday morning with mom. It is my scheduled weekend, so I would normally pick them up after school Friday. Hope that clarifies things.

In my dreams, mom understands our kids have family outside of her and understand the benefits of being a part of these once in a lifetime experiences. But I know she will make it as difficult as possible. I just want to make sure I'm doing what I need to do if/when I get a call from the police or notice in the mail that I've either kidnapped our children or am heading back to court with a custodial interference charge.
dire
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 12:21 pm

Re: Next step when ex won't respond

Unread postby afc » Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:57 am

What are you offering her for make up time?
afc
5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 7227
Joined: Wed Nov 06, 2013 4:22 pm

Re: Next step when ex won't respond

Unread postby dire » Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:04 am

afc wrote:What are you offering her for make up time?


Any week of her choosing to have them Mon-Wed in addition to her regularly scheduled Wed-Fri. I also asked for her suggestions if that wouldn't work for her schedule for any reason.
dire
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 12:21 pm

Re: Next step when ex won't respond

Unread postby dire » Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:08 am

And to be clear, I did not insist on her picking those dates now, I was just acknowledging that they should be made up, and that I would just ask for some notice ahead of time when she was planning to take them.
dire
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 12:21 pm

Re: Next step when ex won't respond

Unread postby Havalu7 » Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:14 am

OP if she does not agree are you willing (based on the importance of this event and as it sounds pretty cool for the kids), to offer her a little more time on top of the week of make up time?

Reason why I ask is if she does respond and is back "online" and responding, why not have a counter offer ready just in case?

To the vets here if she does not respond would an R3 request be a good idea to document that OP has attempted in numerous ways to request/advise her of this pending trip and requested change of parenting time. The R3 would also include the offer to make up the time as well I presume.
”No is a complete sentence” Unknown
User avatar
Havalu7
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1444
Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2016 10:43 am

Re: Next step when ex won't respond

Unread postby dire » Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:58 am

Havalu7 wrote:OP if she does not agree are you willing (based on the importance of this event and as it sounds pretty cool for the kids), to offer her a little more time on top of the week of make up time?

Reason why I ask is if she does respond and is back "online" and responding, why not have a counter offer ready just in case?


Thanks, man, I do understand what you are saying. I would consider it under the circumstances, as you say; I really want our kids to spend this time with their family. But it would be a hard pill to swallow. I find mom's influence to be detrimental to our kids and I am in the process of trying to limit her opportunity to model adult behavior.

In regards to make up time, I wrote to her: "Perhaps a week they would be with you Mon thru Wed in addition to the other regular days they would be with you? I will gladly discuss and am open to your suggestions." I will keep the "extra time" card in my back pocket, but will wait to play it as I suspect she has no intentions of working with me no matter what I propose. She is about controlling me and controlling the kids, and I have a feeling she would do whatever necessary to prevent me from taking them on this trip.

(Side story of her controlling behavior: S11 walks home from lacrosse practice last night and doesn't have his gear with him. He left it at the school because mom told him he couldn't bring it to my house and that he should leave it in the gym so she can pick it up; she bought it, so it's not his, it's hers. Guess who's lacrosse stuff went missing after mom went to pick it up an hour after practice? The woman is the epitome of cutting off your nose to spite your face.)

I need to search for R3 again. I've seen it referenced here on the forum before, but I don't recall what it's for.
*Edited to add: R3= Registered Letter, Return Reciept Requested. Got it.
dire
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 12:21 pm

Re: Next step when ex won't respond

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Apr 19, 2017 11:45 am

You are, unfortunately, at her mercy, as she is not obligated to surrender her parenting time to you, regardless of the reason.

An R3 might be a good idea but she isn't violating the terms of the orders by not agreeing with you, though your orders probably do have language about agreeing to reasonable requests and natural human social flexibility.

You may simply need to cut short your trip with the kids, reschedule any events that you can, or miss them entirely. Surely your family knows you're a divorced Dad, right?
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 22998
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

Re: Next step when ex won't respond

Unread postby spritom » Wed Apr 19, 2017 12:38 pm

Some NJ's do the non-reply thing and for decisions that are on your side of the court, then you can communicate a if-no-response-then kind of thing.

However, this sounds like a decision that's in her court.
She's allowed to disagree even if it's for stupid reasons or not.

You may be looking at:
* trying again with another form of communication
* trying the "let's all work for the good of the child" communication (which to play off the Ex's good side...bleh...it's a letter that goes in a file in case the Ex wants to play legal-legal in the future)
* trying to play to the letting them feel respected for their side of the court (such as recognizing that it's their decision..bla-bla-bla)..and in the end, a decision of her assigned parenting time is her court, so if she's of that type of personality, you can play that card up a little
* sweeten the trade a little...though a trade-sweetener is typically best only after you have a dialogue going

Trevor wrote:You may simply need to cut short your trip with the kids, reschedule any events that you can, or miss them entirely.


+1
I'm facing a similar family-reunion-type thing this summer too.
It happens.
New to all this? Read The List
TAC (The Acronym List)
Short-short version of what to do

跟猴子比丟屎
User avatar
spritom
Moderator Emeritus
 
Posts: 3170
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2005 9:28 pm
Location: US

Next

Return to Parenting - Child Custody Forum and Child Support Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 12 guests