How to cope?

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

How to cope?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Wed Apr 19, 2017 8:52 am

Money is being lit on fire. Every little thing is a court motion, even if it was agreed in front of the judge a month ago. Everything of value is already sold, my degree is nearly worthless locally but worth a lot in certain regions along the various coasts (as far as I can be in IN). My schedule is getting wrecked by games of keep away. Despite constantly being told I'm "winning" and doing everything right, the improvents are glacial and the price unsustainable. Probably going to have to have my neurotic mother move in soon for financial reasons. No friends in the area and I've exhausted my remote ones who are busy living happy normal lives. I don't know how to put up with the abuse. Even my lawyer admitted her entire strategy is just to < edited > with me (by harming our son), it is a losing case but the courts aren't going beyond wrist slaps anytime soon. How do I get through this tunnel to the light?

Oh, I'm also acutely aware the crazy I'm dealing with is light compared to others. Don't pity me, I just want to learn how to fish.
User avatar
OrigamiDragon
50+ Posts
 
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:12 am

Re: How to cope?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:22 am

OrigamiDragon wrote:Money is being lit on fire. Every little thing is a court motion, even if it was agreed in front of the judge a month ago. Everything of value is already sold, my degree is nearly worthless locally but worth a lot in certain regions along the various coasts (as far as I can be in IN). My schedule is getting wrecked by games of keep away. Despite constantly being told I'm "winning" and doing everything right, the improvents are glacial and the price unsustainable. Probably going to have to have my neurotic mother move in soon for financial reasons. No friends in the area and I've exhausted my remote ones who are busy living happy normal lives. I don't know how to put up with the abuse. Even my lawyer admitted her entire strategy is just to < edited > with me (by harming our son), it is a losing case but the courts aren't going beyond wrist slaps anytime soon. How do I get through this tunnel to the light?

Oh, I'm also acutely aware the crazy I'm dealing with is light compared to others. Don't pity me, I just want to learn how to fish.


Origami,

I and many others understand what you're going through. Unfortunately I don't think there is any magic remedy for this, you'll just have to keep breathing and see it to the end.

It may sound silly but one recommendation I can make is that you spend as much time as you can outside, (walks, biking etc) or at the gym -- that should definitely help.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.
User avatar
lionel2013
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 2110
Joined: Sun May 19, 2013 9:29 pm
Location: Northern Illinois

Re: How to cope?

Unread postby grandet2 » Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:59 am

Simple, when you think things are bad, just how it could be worse.
For example, you could be at your PCP and he could be giving you a prostrate exam and then proceed to tell you that "It is ok to get an erection..."

What gives me strength every morning after I pop a dozen pills [joke] is the little ones I love so dearly, tell myself you will win this, losing is not an option. Then I pray to God to give me patience and calmness.

On the different topic, you need to start calling nj out and ask for sanctions for taking little stuff to court. You will definitely rattle her.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
grandet2
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 266
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:02 am

Re: How to cope?

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Apr 19, 2017 11:49 am

Every time your x brings something to court, you need to raise the stakes with modifications and counters, so she would have to think about her costs of continuing down the scorched earth path.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 23528
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

Re: How to cope?

Unread postby ForumVenter 1 » Wed Apr 19, 2017 12:55 pm

All good things to those who wait. Hang in there and see it to the end. Any way you can. Even if your mom needs to move in to provide some support.

Per the above, I agree with getting outside. Spring/summer time makes it easy to find stuff to do. May not sound like much advice, but Vitamin D does help boost mood. It's free too!
OH - Residential parent of D after a long distance move by Ex. If your child(ren) aren't a priority, you will have no chance at gaining custody.
ForumVenter 1
500+ Posts
 
Posts: 818
Joined: Mon May 05, 2014 11:41 am

Re: How to cope?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Wed Apr 19, 2017 5:04 pm

I'm officially feeling ready to give up. Massive shitstorm over overnight midweeks. Talked to a lawyer last Thursday about making up the no show last week this Tuesday. Did and informed through email. Mother objected to overnights again after we were asleep. Now I am being thrown under the bus by my lawyer. Apparently I kidnappied him and there is nothing he can do to prevent me from losing my time with him. Guess mother won, i dont have any money for a new lawyer and he has proven to be a paper tiger when it comes to OC. Way too much professional respect for a sleaze from a straight laced to make sense.
User avatar
OrigamiDragon
50+ Posts
 
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:12 am

Re: How to cope?

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Apr 19, 2017 5:32 pm

OrigamiDragon wrote:Talked to a lawyer last Thursday about making up the no show last week this Tuesday.

You talked to your lawyer about making up time for when she failed to make your child available for your parenting time? If so, how well did you document this? How many instances of this interference have you documented?
OrigamiDragon wrote:Now I am being thrown under the bus by my lawyer. Apparently I kidnappied him and there is nothing he can do to prevent me from losing my time with him.

< bovine scat >. You can't kidnap your own child. Do you mean that you unilaterally failed to make your child available for the mother's parenting time, in order to catch up on missed parenting time?
OrigamiDragon wrote:Guess mother won...

Oh fecking stop it.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 23528
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

Re: How to cope?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Wed Apr 19, 2017 6:03 pm

Trevor wrote:
OrigamiDragon wrote:Talked to a lawyer last Thursday about making up the no show last week this Tuesday.
You talked to your lawyer about making up time for when she failed to make your child available for your parenting time? If so, how well did you document this? How many instances of this interference have you documented?


Very well documented, a year of it, with recently 3 months of total no contact. It ended up in a settlement that was entered verbally, which OC is refusing to write up honestly so waiting on transcripts.

Trevor wrote:
OrigamiDragon wrote:Now I am being thrown under the bus by my lawyer. Apparently I kidnappied him and there is nothing he can do to prevent me from losing my time with him.

< bovine scat >. You can't kidnap your own child. Do you mean that you unilaterally failed to make your child available for the mother's parenting time, in order to catch up on missed parenting time?


Lawyers are throwing around the term kidnapping at me. I told mother in advance I wanted to elect makeup time for when she threw a fit and no-showed last week. Explicit objection came after it had been irrevocably executed. I knew she was unhappy with overnight midweeks but she exited the discussion without comment as she has a pattern of doing.

Trevor wrote:
OrigamiDragon wrote:Guess mother won...

Oh fecking stop it.


Lawyer tells me do X. I send email asking to make sure X is okay. I do X. I get told I've torpedoed my entire case and there is nothing he can do about it. I am drained of hope, we were just talking about how if things continued custody flip was on the table because mother is abusing him with neglect and aggressively interfering with my parenting time. Meanwhile my life is crumbling and I apparently will have nothing to show for it soon.
User avatar
OrigamiDragon
50+ Posts
 
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:12 am

Re: How to cope?

Unread postby JimRockford » Wed Apr 19, 2017 6:11 pm

Did you unilaterally try to enact makeup time? Is that why this supposed kidnapping allegation is being thrown around?

I
Deciding to go forward with a divorce is kind of like joining a brotherhood. However, it is a brotherhood that you really don't want to join.
JimRockford
500+ Posts
 
Posts: 946
Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2015 12:48 am

Re: How to cope?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Wed Apr 19, 2017 6:16 pm

JimRockford wrote:Did you unilaterally try to enact makeup time? Is that why this supposed kidnapping allegation is being thrown around?

I


He was with me until 5PM due to a weird shuffle fusion of Easter weekend, a doctors appointment and his Birthday celebration.
I told mother I wanted to makeup time at 3PM. She asks when he would be back. I tell her next morning at preschool. At 9PM she emails me she never authorized me to have him overnight. She did not ask for him me to return him to her care earlier. Cue kidnapping charge.

I'm sorry I derailed my own thread, that really should be it's own OP. I'm barely holding on emotionally, and many things in my life are in shambles and I threw everything into saving my relationship with my son when mother tried to replace me and nothing seems to be going right.

I see my father is very happy and successful once he gave up the fight with my mother. It left me with a huge hole that I desperately wanted to spare my son from. I don't know if I have it in me to last the 10 years my dad did, and he still got forced away in the end; trying to reconnect with him after was too late.
Last edited by OrigamiDragon on Wed Apr 19, 2017 6:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
OrigamiDragon
50+ Posts
 
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:12 am

Next

Return to Parenting - Child Custody Forum and Child Support Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 9 guests